Whoop!! I called it!

February has been AN epic month:

• Work has kicked a$$
• I have had surprise lunches, dinners, spontaneous plans that have been fun
• Attended parties, enjoyed massages, had dates with me
• Opened up some amazing conversations with people I enjoy discussions with
• Cooked some delish dishes
• Written out my plan for the next while
• Embraced some beautiful moments with friends and family
• Soaked in some rays
• Planned a new adventure
• Accepted (what feels like a million) wedding invites of people I care about
• Laughed, laughed and laughed some more
• Loved, loved my friends, loved my family, loved myself and loved my life

I am a truly happy person today, cocooned in happiness that radiates from every pore of me!

Told you it was going to rock, didn’t I?!
Hope you had a fab Feb too and here’s to an amazing March! May it be as brilliant 🙂 xx

Dec 15, Monday: Gratitude

1. Red and his support
As things have been awkward with Ryan, Tigger and me, I didn’t want to involve Red in it and asked him to make a decision for himself. He didn’t go either and I really appreciated his standing by me and instead helping me with some business plans of mine, some DIY work and some R&R time. This weekend was him doing bits and bobs for me and I felt very loved.

2. Healthy living
For the past while, I have been very conscious of what I eat and how much I exercise etc. It has been fantastic to feel the impact of it in my body and I am absolutely loving it!

3. Family
With a new addition to the family, I am so glad I have the family I do!

Sep 29, Monday: Gratitude

1. Health
Being sick last week really took it out of me and I realised, once again, how important health is and how lucky we are!

2. Family
Yesterday I met a whole load of Red’s family for the first time. It reminded me of mine and I am so lucky to have mine and so lucky to be with someone who cares so much about his.

3. Love
The love of a dog, the love of a friend, the love of a parent, the love of a partner, the love we feel, the love that we have, the love.

Dec 9 Monday: Gratitude

1. Forgiveness
Last night, while talking to Red, he commented as to why I am so resentful towards certain people and I realised even though I have forgiven loads, there’s always more to forgive and it is a constant process. Here’s to me forgiving more and here’s to me being forgiven more.

2. Family
As this week marks 13 years of my family being split, it is only important I note the importance of it all to me, to my mother and to everyone else. I may have never know and understood the power of love and family if it hadn’t been for this event.

3. Game Face
There are times you don’t wanna do what you need to do. There are times you may want to curse but you can’t. There are times you need to keep an impassive face even though your face shows every single emotion. There were moments last week I had to have a game face and I think I successfully managed it!

Nov 4 Monday: Gratitude

Family:
Diwali time- if I don’t think family, it would be odd…. I miss them loads and am glad they are a part of my life.

Self awareness:
Just knowing myself, knowing what I want and being able to (mostly) ask for it.

Laughter and Joy:
Honestly, so lucky!

Aug 20 Tuesday: A Brilliant Moment

When I was a kid, every couple of weekends, my mum would bundle 2 of my brothers and me into public transport and take us for a day out- we would go to the science museum, amusement parks, doll museum, craft museum or something else fun/ adventurous/ silly/ educational.

At that time, I enjoyed those trips- we laughed, we talked, we bonded.
Today, I think of those trips VERY fondly- those were good times, especially when I realise how tough it may have been for mum to look after 3 stubborn kids, how difficult it may have been financially at times, how many sacrifices it may have meant… they were good times- no, they were great times.

Times that taught me a lot:
– taught me to connect with my brothers and family
– taught me educational stuff
– taught me about organising
– taught me about facilitating & manipulating
– taught me about just learning to live the moment
– taught me how lucky I am!

June 18 Tuesday: A Brilliant Moment

I have been an aunt to many a niece and nephew- since I was about 10, I think- the joys of a large family!

But the one that really meant a lot to me is the beautiful angel that came along about 4 years ago- her mum is a good friend and Winnie’s sister. That little girl just melted in my heart in ways I couldn’t imagine- she gets prettier and smarter by the day. I adore her. I know she is shy of me everytime I re-introduce myself to her but I cannot wait for her to grow up and be an equal to me- I suspect we will have a lot of fun.

This week, she is going to become an elder sister to a cute little kid (gender unknown as of yet) and I cannot wait to get the news. Best of luck to Winnie’s sister, the bro-in-law, the niece and of course to the whole family (that will only be complete when I am in India next hehe ;))

So effing excited!

May 27 Monday: Gratitude

1. Sunshine
Yup, many of us take the sun for granted. But when you live in Ireland and you are more often pasty and pale rather than brown and coloured, this is something you are grateful for, you appreciate and you love. Thank you Weather Gods- please give us a few more days of sunshine, a few more days of happiness and smiles and please, let the next 5 weekends be dry and warm too.
Cannot wait for the constant sunshine in Cuba…

2. Friends & family
Yup, I repeat myself like a broken record. But honestly, with NLP looking out for me, with The Shrew just minding me, with Lady caring for me- people I have known only a year, I realise how lucky I am to have these people in my life. And all the while, I have kept my older (not necessarily by age, in case any of you get into a huff!) friends too…

3. My E/I Quotient
I am not the most intelligent nor the most empathic person I know. However, what I have I am delighted with- I am glad I have a good mix of both the emotional and intelligent. And I am even gladder I have the sense to use it all…

Thank you Universe for everything, I truly appreciate all that I have, all that I have been given and all that is yet to come my way.

May 20 Monday: Gratitude

1. Family
For so many reasons I am glad my family is all healthy. My younger is recovering well and my younger brother is fine after an attack in Delhi. What is my city coming to?! But despite keeping a brave face about how unaffected I am of my little baby brother, I am worried. I care. I hope he will be ok and I hope the knock will push his brains around and get him to get his act together.

2. Money is not the end all and be all
I made a mistake the other day and gave an ex-business partner some money- more than he deserved- I only copped on today. I was angry at myself first. I was angry at giving away money I could ill-afford, I was angry at giving someone money he didn’t deserve, I was angry at the unfairness of it all. Till I realised what goes around comes around- this is just a pay it forward and someday I will get it back multi-fold.

3. Vacations
i NEED a holiday- desperately. I am in the midst of making plans with 3 friends and asked 1 other but no one can go with me. I am absolutely bummed but am sure the universe has something in store for me- I am going to Cuba, I just know it. It is going to be brilliant, I know that too. I cannot wait, I even know that. I just hope I get it soon as I am a little impatient. I know a vacation is coming my way soon- very very very soon infact.

After all, it IS my time NOW and I am ready for it NOW!

May 13 Monday: Gratitude

1. Universe:
On Friday, I was really angry about something and literally 10 mins after I kinda started making peace with it, things turned- completely. So I thank myself for being able to let go, for having the sense to deal with it the way I did and for life for making it all so much better!

2. Family & Friends:
My mother hurt herself on Saturday. Reminds me once again how lucky I am.
I am very blessed to have the friends I do. VERY VERY VERY.

3. Health:
We tend to take our health so much for granted- I am definitely at fault, despite all my medical history.

I know this is becoming a repetitive weekly post but it reminds me how lucky I am every single time!

May 10 Friday: The Week Gone By

1. Heard some awesome music over the weekend, including a trip down to the countryside for some
2. Brilliant catch up with certain friends of mine- both Monday and Wednesday
3. The chat with my younger sister today- helping her understand my business world a little more. Boo yeah!

May 6 Monday: Gratitude

1. The Universe and the Law of Attraction
I cannot get over my luck over the music I got to listen to this weekend. I am still in awe of all the talent in this world, still have goosebumps of all the amazing sounds and still skipping with happiness.

2. Friends
If it hadn’t been for my friends, I would certainly have not enjoyed this life! I am oh so blessed with the right people in my life to enjoy my fabulous fortune with!

3. Family
My sister went through a surgery last week- hopefully the last and all seems to be on the mend fine. Also, my family held a special ceremony to bless certain opportunities in my life right now- all in all, their support and love means the world to me.

Thank  you ALL for all I have, for the love I have to give, for the love I receive, for the luck I have been experiencing and for the fabulously blessed life I lead.

Guilty thoughts!

Today, I was wasting some time looking at family pics and came across pics of this niece of mine that is almost two years old and I have never met… Is it terrible for me to not have noted how cute she is, how tall she has gotten etc but to notice she is cock-eyed?! I feel terrible 😦

Oops.

Daddy’s Girl

Sunday is Father’s Day- the 4th largest card selling holiday- whoopee and whatever else. Every girl usually dreams of finding a man like her ‘dear daddy’- at one point in my life, I knew I didn’t want that- I loved my father as a kid, yes; I was scared of my father as a kid, yes; my daddy was the strongest, yes but I don’t want a man like my father- I want someone with more integrity, someone who doesn’t hide from responsibility and someone more principled than him- not very tough, really.

So today I have decided to formally give my father the best present he can ever hope for and get from me- my forgiveness. I haven’t decided yet how I will capture this yet or formalise it as an event, a ceremony or anything but somehow I am going to mark the occassion. All ideas welcome.

Dear dad, wherever you are- I forgive you. I forgive you for causing so much pain to those who love(d) you. I forgive you for breaking my mother’s heart. I forgive you for hurting your family. I forgive you for being so spineless, such a coward and such a worthless space. I forgive you for all you have done to hurt me. I wish you luck, happiness and health in your life and really hope our paths never cross again. I loved you once and now I am indifferent. Go in peace. Your biological daughter who truly hopes these qualities of yours are not genetic.

So dad, today I officially declare you are not family since you don’t meet the requirement. All the best, father.

The people in your life

You know, for the longest time, I had a note like that on my mirror but over the years, I have learnt this is actually one of the worst pieces of advise ever.

I would like to change this to “The only people you need in your life are the ones you feel you need.” It kind of reminds me of something an uncle of mine said to me many years “Give to others what you think they deserve- take from others what you think you deserve” and then there will never be a feeling of obligation or a case “I should”.

I have MANY people who need me in their lives, but they may not always be the people I need- I need some people in my life, all the time:

– My mother: yeah, she needs me and I need her
– My mother’s boyfriend: definitely a case of me needing him more than him needing me- this has no corelation to the love we feel for each other
– My best friend, Ryan: totally mutual- we both need each other but to varying degrees for various different aspects of our lives
– My best friend, Winnie: again, mutual but I suspect I need her more- she is a lot more independent than I am
– Some of my other friends: some need me, some I need- you know what, it’s just the way of life- after all, if we were all mutually dependant to the same extent, life could potentially be very boring- though, the one relationship which I think should be such is that of a couple- a husband and wife but even that I don’t think would have the two people equally dependant on the same aspects as a complementary relationship is always much stronger.

Over the past few weeks, I have had a chance to reevaluate my relationships- partly ‘cos I have had to, partly ‘cos I have been forced to, partly ‘cos I have realised how I need to grow up and take some responsibility for elements I had just taken for granted and so going forth, I am only going to focus on relationships I need and if those people need me to, I am in luck- I am gonna put a stop to the tit for tat that seems to be constantly surrounding the way we deal with things these days.

And now- to go celebrate life and one of those people in my life that I love spending time with!

Laters peeps- enjoy a fabulous weekend 🙂

So much to see!

I came across a link earlier today about the 41 places one must see before well, they die- some of them interest me more than other- looks like holiday plans for the next 20 odd spots SORTED!

For the moment, I am just delighted about the idea of Cappadocia– one of the MUSTs on my own personal list.

However, selfishly I am really peeved off about my holiday too- I know I should feel for my gran and I do love her and feel sad for her but I really didn’t want my holiday to be about being the responsible one- I am SO tired of duty, responsibility, what I should do, what is the right thing and I really really really really really really want my mother fawning over me and not me running around between doctors and hospitals. And I feel exceptionally guilty about feeling this way 😦

Love ♥ Love ♥ Love!

For all my cynicism and dislike of this Hallmark occasion, I love to celebrate love and I love love.

So as an ode to love, to the friends in my life, to the family I am born into, to the families I have adopted as mine, here is a collection of pictures of love that I have gathered from round the internet.

– For most of my family- this IS the definition of True Love.

– A medicine cabinet essential- found in the best of friends and most of the family

– An understanding of true love

– Picture perfect for Valentine’s…

– All the couples above need is a glass of this:

– Some see true love to be this, and I must admit I think I am one of them:

– To some it means and though I like this too, I find a true friendship forms the best basis for a beautiful partnership

– I suppose this captures what I expect of love better:

– Yet I have a fairytale notion of this:

– And a post about love without me bringing in a bit of geekiness!

– And finally, this is why I am not a fan of Valentine’s day!

And so with a heart full of love for everyone, for the guys I have dated, for the guys I am dating, for the guys I will date, for the friends in my life, for the families I am lucky ot have been born into and been accepted by, for the people I see on the street, basically for everyone, Happy Valentine’s Day!

♥♥♥

Just saying…

Thank you to each one of you for the value you have added, the lessons you have taught me, the laughs we have shared, the tears you may have caused, the moments of solidarity and to those of you still around today- you know who you are, I apologise for the grouchiness that has been me the past few days and will be the next few and am really grateful for the support through this tough time!

Here’s to a fantabulous life!

When I am dying…

This article on the most common things people think of while dying got me thinking about what I would like to say when I am on my deathbed:

– I achieved everything I really wanted to: In fairness, when I was 25, I said that one a call to my mother from Antarctica and recall saying “if I die now, I will die knowing I achieved what I was put on earth for”

– I am glad I worked so hard- it gave me a sense of fulfilment and allowed me to explore areas & boundaries I may not always have managed. However, I would like to be able to add: “I managed to strike a balance so I could also make time for all the things that I wanted to- time for myself, my friends, my family, my hobbies, my interests and the things that I wanted to achieve by working as hard I did”

– I was honest about my feelings- Yes, I know I keep some a secret and I perhaps always will- I don’t think anyone will ever know how deeply I truly felt about FL, or how much I actually detest the guy who took my innocence away, or how hurt I was when my father walked away or so many other instances but when it affects someone else or someone can do something about it, I usually do share what’s on my mind- good, bad and the ugly!

– I always made time for what was important to me- my friends, my family- see #2. I was wholesome- whatever I did, I gave it my all- be it hanging out with friends, nurturing my family, looking after my adults etc etc etc

– I stopped doing anything that made me unhappy- I quit a job I was brilliant at, I broke a perfectly good relationship (actually 2 of them- SL and TL), I walked away from a company I totally love (Well, about to), I stopped meeting friends I didn’t want to be with and so many other example

So far, I have traversed the roads that I have and amde the decisions I have made for my happiness which allow me to keep most of the regrets people have away from my life- here’s hoping I succeed. I want to be remembered for my smile, my optimism, my zest for life, my need to always do something different and my ability to always and always be wholesome & honest.

Step out and go forth

The past few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride- may be that is why I have had the song Everyday by Buddy Holly stuck in my head…

I am moving on from my current company (it’s my little baby and it’s a tough, tough, tough move- it hurts, it hurts so bad!). But I am VERY excited about the next steps in my life.

It’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be tough, it’s going to be scary, it’s going to be busy but you know what, it makes me want to wake up in the morning, it makes me want to reach out and do to it things that I wanted to do in the current company and couldn’t, it makes me believe again.

The last few months have been spiritually draining, mentally tiring, physically exhausting, romantically depleting, emotionally upsetting and it’s been holding me back. Today I heard a Freedom, Abundance, Adventure webinar by Denise Duffield Thomas– I love this lady’s honesty and tips.

I made a few notes while listening to it (and no, I didn’t give it my full attention- oops)

What I want:
– Freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want
– Holidays every 3 months to somewhere without a laptop, without a computer
– Freedom to buy what I want, without thinking twice about cash flow issues (for example, that gorgeous Gucci bag that costs a whole month’s living expenses!)
– Live life by my own rules
– I want abundance travel
– I want abundance adventure in terms of explorations and experiences and friends
– I want to grow as a person
– I want to start new companies, bring more companies success and make things happen
– I want to be surrounded by friends and laughter
– I want cupboards full of healthy food all the time
– I want to not have to do my laundry, cook my food most days
– I want to support my mother
– I always want more coming in that I had imagined
– I want to earn lots of money and would eventually like to get married
– I want to get to the places I have been talking of for ages (Arctic, New Zealand, Egypt, Jordan, Cuba, Colombia, Mexico to start off the list)
– I want to be happy and stop being so tight with tension all the time!

Apparently, what stops women mostly is (points from Denise’s webinar- I am not sharing the link to it as I don’t have her permission but I will share some of the key points I took away- please note, these are not the same as what she said, I have tweaked it (if only very slightly) to what I know is relevant to me):

Guilt: I feel guilty for not being there for my family, especially my mother. I feel guilty about ignoring my paternal side of the family. After 11 years, I still feel guilty about my parents splitting up (irrationally, I know). I feel guilty about arguing with Ryan, even though I am right. I feel guilty about not having met the society’s expectations of me. I feel guilty of being alive when my first love is up in heaven. I feel guilty and I need to release it especially since most of them are not things I can do much more about.

Fear: I am scared. I am scared of what I can’t imagine. I am scared of being shunned by my closest friends. I am scared of risking everything for nothing. I am scared of the unknown. Weirdly, I am also excited about it- everything that scares me excites me- I used to have a higher threshold in the past.

Perfection: Not my thing, to be honest- I am happy with 80% in most situations but in some key areas, I do want 100%- when others let me down in those areas, I do get upset and beat myself about it.

I made a promise to myself in March to put myself first and though I succeeded in some ways, there are areas I can improve upon and since I need to Upgrade to Attract the Achievements I want in my life- I am going to start my making  more time in my life for my friends.

Knowing I am going into 100 hour work weeks means it will be a tough juggle but if I can combine work with the social element- it would be so awesome- 2 of my very close friends and I are going to meet every week to push ourselves and make our plans for the week ahead, brainstorm and together bring success in all the 3 ventures the 3 of us are heading into.

Today, I am frustrated that I can’t fly off to be with my family when I want to, I can’t have them over when I want to, I work with a team of untalented/ undriven/ unambitious peeps who can’t see my vision to make them and the organisation grow, about not having a social life I thrive on, about the weight I am at, about the clothes I own and the shoes I want and can’t afford. I need to effortlessly let go. I NEED to meditate more and often.

I need to stop thinking I will be rich ‘cos I already am.

I AM, because I say so.

I am now almost back in the city I so love, living in a gorgeous apartment with Candy and driving my awesomely amazing sports convertible. I have chucked out clothes that made me feel dowdy, I have new boots for the winter and 2 new pairs of designer shoes (so what if they are eBay specials) and I am decorating my room based on fengshui.

Today I am taking my life back in control again and hopefully I will do a better job this time round ‘cos I have already improved from the last time I said this.

I repeat- SUCCESS IS ME!

To ALL my friends, family & loved ones

This pic says it all- love you lots xx

Life Story

Sometimes, pictures are better than words!

🙂 so beautiful.

Taking a moment to breathe and take stock

And sometimes, I do think at the turn of a new year, or my birthday or just randomly, I did so today… decided to take a glass of wine, sit in the garden to watch the sun go down and just count my blessings.

And blessings are aplenty-

• I have a brilliant family- yes, I have had my differences with some but there are so many others who just absolutely rock and are amazing. And they are the ones who make life so much crazier and fun. Yes, I miss having my own sibling to create havoc with but I had my own fair share of fun with all the other mischief my brothers and I got up to, and not to miss the midnight shenanigans with my little sister
• I must be the luckiest person with the friends I have- from my own mother to the millions of others- Crystal, Spartacus, Ryan, Tigger, Winnie, Dr F, Snoopy, Curly, Daddy long legs to name a few… infact, one of them just said the nicest words to me on Facebook an dmade me cry- happy tears but cry nevertheless
• I enjoy what I do
• I almost always manage to achieve all I want to- yes, I am still a bit away from the dream I have in my head but then again, that dream changes goal posts every time I think of it and so the plan has to be tweaked accordingly…. right?

All in all, life rocks and the cherry was when one of my favourite entrepreneurs and a guy I admire loads offered me a pretty cool job with all the trimmings I could want! There is something very pleasurable and upsetting about turning it down- bittersweet!

My Nana

Nana, I miss you.

If there is someone who understands what I am going through, if there is someone who would be ever so proud of all I have done, am doing and am about to achieve, if there is someone who reminds me of some of the finest moments of my childhood, it is you.

I miss the days of going to eat chaat. I miss the days of bathing in the hauj. I miss the days of buying anything I wanted without paying anything. I miss the days of walking into the house and screaming for Nani and you out of excitement. I miss the ‘meetha soda’ you arranged for us as as surprise everyday. I miss you cooking chicken on the terrace because nani wouldn’t let you bring in it. I miss you waking us up in the middle of the night to take us for a holiday. I miss you for putting the travel bug in me. I miss you for teaching me style. I miss you for the laughs. I miss canvassing for you. I miss you.

My summers haven’t been the same. My trips to India haven’t been the same. I look at the photograph of you when I saw you last and I cry at the thought that I didn’t know it would be my last. I remember talking to you the night before you passed away. I remember crying and going numb the day you died due to happiness. I remember you.

I have traveled the 7 continents, thanks to you. I got myself a sports car, thanks to you. And when I went to count votes for a political candidate yesterday (and yup, my victorious streak continued- I still have the magic touch), I realised no matter how much I try to move away from it, I am a politician at heart and I have the political genes flowing in my veins.

Nana, I miss you regularly but yesterday was just the tipping point. I am so happy I got to spend time with you, I am so happy I got to know you and I am so happy you still inspire me.

My Nana- you rock. I love you.

PS. Whoever said change is the only constant, didn’t have as awesome a family as mine. They are constantly a pain, they constantly drive me nuts and they are constantly there for me.

On days like today…

I cannot but help feel happy yet sad, ecstatic but depressed, lucky but unlucky on the day that marks 10 years to my father walking out of my life.

Every girl is brought up to think she is her daddy’s princess and she will always be the apple of his eye- to some extent, so was I. The day my day walked away, I hugged him goodbye and wished him luck for his “business trip”, expecting to see him on the Thursday after but well… as we all know, that was the beginning of a 5 yr long guilt trip for me- I blamed myself for it, I thought my rebellious streak had caused it, I gave up singing, I lost faith in men and I completely shut down and became independent- I shunned men (Thank you SL for making me believe in love again). I promised myself I will never let someone get so close that they can hurt me so deep (ha- failed there!). I promised myself I will never, ever be emotionally dependant on anyone- and failed there too. Many I am more human and emotional than I give myself credit for, maybe I didn’t guard myself enough, maybe this is yet another way of being tested but I have to be thankful to so many people who are there time and again for me- they  are just so awesome. They give me strength to deal with life, they show me reason to be the person I am and they love me for who I am.

Tonight, Ryan said the nicest words to me “You are the strongest person I know. You are awesome and so amazing. You have a kind heart, you are wonderful and you have the most amazing set of friends ever- infact there are times, I am jealous of you.” When someone so wonderful himself thinks so highly of me, it helps.

Earlier today, Curly called me up to just say hey and remind me I rock. And then Tigger just sent me some love. I mean, yes, I am losing the love of a father, and my mum’s boyfriend is brilliant as a substitute, and yes, I miss the man- despite everything, despite the fact that I wouldn’t be the person I am if he was still around, despite the fact that he was not the greatest husband/ father/ son/ friend, and yes, I know all that happened was for the best, I miss Papa and I wish him ALL the luck in the world and I hope he is happy in his own little way.

On days like today, I am thankful for the friends and the family I have- they are just SO good. Thank you all for the love, the hope, the strength, the courage and the friendship.

Love you peeps.

J

Added later:

I recently saw the film, Legends of the Guardian and the sky-lanterns in it were very pretty! And now, I have always been a fan of them and get a great selection of sky-lanterns in different colours and shapes on a regular enough basis but tonight I needed to set one off- not because it was a still night, not because I was in the  mood but tonight, Ryan and I flew one to wish my dad luck. And though I shed a few tears while missing him, while wondering if he regretted his decision and everything, it was really nice to “bless” him. Dad, I may never be able to forgive you- I am not that big a person- but I do not want to begrudge you either.

There was something in the act, in the beauty of the sky-lantern, in the wishing and making it more permanent that really lightened the hurt I was feeling and I am really glad I did it.

This is for my little sister

You know, my baby sister is in her first relationship- I think it’s about 18 months or so…

She is going through a confused state where tiny little things about him irritate her, she is unsure of where this is going yet there is an element of happiness and definitely some level of comfort. On the other hand, she feels she’s on egg-shells around him and can’t be herself.

I am not worried yet but I see in her, similar doubts/ questions/ commitment issues that I think are quite common with the women in our family. And it got me thinking about relationships- which, as we know is playing a lot on my mind- and some key ground rules that I seek for:

• It should make me happy- for most of the time. When I weigh being in it or out of it, I want to be in because it makes ME happy- not happy because I am doing the right thing, not happy because the society expects me to but that sense of internal happiness that is one’s own
• I should be ME- I shouldn’t have to second guess what I say, I should be comfortable in my ugliest pyjamas and know he stills finds me beautiful, I should not need make-up for him to give me a compliment, I should not have to act dumber than I am, I should not have to worry about my accomplishments, I should be open to his thoughts on my dreams and he on my thoughts on his dream et al
• And my heart rules- this is one of those areas in my life where I let the heart choose and veto the head completely
• The relationship is based on mutual respect, trust and loyalty, together founding the basis of mutual love that goes beyond lust, goes beyond a momentary attraction
• There is a healthy amount of give and take in the relationship- both sides give in to each other, both sides make certain compromises for the other person and they do because they want to
• And for me- my partner needs to be one of my best friends- one of those people whose opinion I care about, whose opinion I want, whose opinion I need and one who just fits in with the rest of the amazing people I call my best friends

In my current phase- this quote from Anne Morriss is kinda cool: “The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”

And it’s that time of the week when I thank the world for what I am blessed with:

• My friends- last week wouldn’t have been possible without them
• Treating myself with a fabulous pair of shoes- I love my new boots- my first designer shoes in at least 3 years- I am back in the world
• Enjoying pure decadence over the weekend by sitting in front of the telly (or our version of it), enjoying pizzas, garlic bread, wedges, cokes and chocolate ganache through a 4-movie-thon!

Despite the pain I went through last week, despite the pain I am still going through, I know that the last week has been a turning point in some way in my life. Now to keep working on it and getting the strength I need to deal with all that comes my way. At the end of it all, life rocks.

Insignificant to some, the world to others

You know today I went to the cinema… we all know I love animations! But this one was different-it’s the first CGI 3D animation from Asia and my family has played a massive role in it. The highlight of the show was not the cutesy story, not the amazing special effects, not the crisp production but 2 names that are a part of that group that mean the world to me.

To every one else, those names may be insignificant. To everyone else, credits may be pointless but to a dream that I have seen realised from dinner table talk to this, it was a very humbling moment. The pride I felt when I saw my baby brother’s name on screen and the respect I felt for my aunt when I saw her name is a feeling that makes the most egoistical person in the world forget who they are for a moment and just bow down to the hardwork, to realising a dream and to making it happen, against all odds.

Alcoholic Shennanigans!

They should NOT be allowed!

But they are… and you know why- because they make us laugh and laughter is the best medicine for everything. So the last few days have had MANY shennanigans- where do I even begin to start the stories…

• Last Thursday was a beauty pageant called Miss Sunday World- personally, in my opinion, very mediocre- in many ways- organising, PR, models, judges, atmosphere, logistics etc etc etc but either which way, Ryan’s lady was one of the finalists and so we went along to support. Now, for those of you who know me, know I am not particularly fond of fashion- I love style, but modeling, pageants, fashions shows etc are things I shoot and do work at every once in a while but that’s pretty much it. So when you put Pixie (another very close friend of Ryan’s who absolutely detests his girlfriend) and me together in a place we have no interest in, in a place we don’t want to be seen in- our best bet is drink and so we drank! 2 other friends of ours joined in and basically, before you knew it- Pixie was singing ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ in O’Donoghues and she brought everyone to a stand still- I SO think she should be a singer, professional one, I mean. Let’s just say, very little food + a lot of drinks + shots = messed up us!
• Then, after the drinks, we needed food, right? Sensible thing to do, right? Well, so we did the sensible thing and went for some food- kebabs! Yay! Now there is only one place and one place only in Dublin for kebabs and they are also the only kebab place that take credit cards (I think)- anyway, I decided to pay by credit card and the f*ckers charged me 100x the amount!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAARGH. My fault for not noticing it either but still- UGH.
• Hungover on Friday, I am driving to work with Ryan and Pixie… and they hoodwink me into making the decision to go away for the weekend and guess what- I went and did exactly that- buy a ticket for a weekend festival with Ryan, Tigger, Daddy Long Legs and many other mates.
• Come Saturday, I am tired, sleepy, hungover but full of energy and just buzzing with life… however, life has its own plans every so often. Ryan and I ended up getting exceptionally drunk and having the most amazing heart-to-heart one could imagine ever. We have NEVER come close to pouring our hearts out so much at one time and I always knew how much I meant to him but after the weekend, it was even more obvious and I felt great to know that he was saying all that just ‘cos he was so drunk and so happy to be spending time with me. And potentially the best bit for me (and Pixie) was him agreeing to sort things with his girlfriend because he realises she is taking him for granted and is not the one for him!

On a completely different note then, I was reading some stuff written by one of my favourite actors- Anupam Kher:

In The Little Prince, the protagonist falls in love with a rose. And he is truly besotted with her as he thinks she is the only rose in the world, till he discovers fields of roses! Predictably, he is crushed. But he realises another simple truth: People may raise five thousand roses in the same garden — and they don’t find in them what they are looking for. And yet, what they are looking for could be found in one single rose!

Aren’t these words so beautiful? They remind me of a discussion my mother and I had many years ago about how the more we are given choice, the less we can decide and the more we have seen, the less we want to settle and how to some extent, ignorance truly is bliss!

And since I have been so terrible at posting recently, my top 3 of last week would be:

• Starting back work after over 2.5 years away! And yes, it is VERY tough.
• Enjoying the conversation and the laughs on Saturday with Ryan.
• Beginning to think ahead already and planning my Halloween celebration.

Till laters, I will hopefully be a bit more regular.

Nothing beats a family!

So I’ve been back in one of my favourite cities the past 36 hours and am LOVING it! It’s pretty much been all about my family… went to my 18 month cousin’s on Thursday evening- and she is the cutest thing ever. I am absolutely adore her and am missing her already 😦

Sniff- love the conversations with my aunt and uncle- all the family gossip, the home-cooked food, the hugs, the laughs and the happy moments!

And then went for dinner with another set of aunt and uncle. 3 bottles of wine later, we discussed my love or lack of love life! Sigh- these Indo-Irish families, I tell ye, seriously. AAARGH!

All in all, it’s been great to just sit back and spend time with the family 🙂 Gotta love them!