You know, my baby sister is in her first relationship- I think it’s about 18 months or so…
She is going through a confused state where tiny little things about him irritate her, she is unsure of where this is going yet there is an element of happiness and definitely some level of comfort. On the other hand, she feels she’s on egg-shells around him and can’t be herself.
I am not worried yet but I see in her, similar doubts/ questions/ commitment issues that I think are quite common with the women in our family. And it got me thinking about relationships- which, as we know is playing a lot on my mind- and some key ground rules that I seek for:
- It should make me happy- for most of the time. When I weigh being in it or out of it, I want to be in because it makes ME happy- not happy because I am doing the right thing, not happy because the society expects me to but that sense of internal happiness that is one’s own
- I should be ME- I shouldn’t have to second guess what I say, I should be comfortable in my ugliest pyjamas and know he stills finds me beautiful, I should not need make-up for him to give me a compliment, I should not have to act dumber than I am, I should not have to worry about my accomplishments, I should be open to his thoughts on my dreams and he on my thoughts on his dream et al
- And my heart rules- this is one of those areas in my life where I let the heart choose and veto the head completely
- The relationship is based on mutual respect, trust and loyalty, together founding the basis of mutual love that goes beyond lust, goes beyond a momentary attraction
- There is a healthy amount of give and take in the relationship- both sides give in to each other, both sides make certain compromises for the other person and they do because they want to
- And for me- my partner needs to be one of my best friends- one of those people whose opinion I care about, whose opinion I want, whose opinion I need and one who just fits in with the rest of the amazing people I call my best friends
In my current phase- this quote from Anne Morriss is kinda cool: “The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
And it’s that time of the week when I thank the world for what I am blessed with:
- My friends- last week wouldn’t have been possible without them
- Treating myself with a fabulous pair of shoes- I love my new boots- my first designer shoes in at least 3 years- I am back in the world
- Enjoying pure decadence over the weekend by sitting in front of the telly (or our version of it), enjoying pizzas, garlic bread, wedges, cokes and chocolate ganache through a 4-movie-thon!
Despite the pain I went through last week, despite the pain I am still going through, I know that the last week has been a turning point in some way in my life. Now to keep working on it and getting the strength I need to deal with all that comes my way. At the end of it all, life rocks.