Category Archives: Dating

Been there, done that!

Yup, I faced my fear- for years, the idea of living alone has haunted me- I have never understood the appeal of it. Don’t get me wrong, there are some great aspects:
– cleanliness
– only your mess
– not having to worry about anyone else
– enjoying a quiet book
– spending time alone

But these are all things one can work around with. Living alone can be boring- there’s no craic in making dinner for 1 or boiling the kettle for 1- it’s always more fun to do things in groups. Ok, ok, not always but usually. There’s something nice about unwinding at the end of the day with a glass of wine talking to a friend or having movie nights with popcorns and pizzas or midnight birthday balloons or just silliness and conversations. Great housemates make for some great times and I have had some absolutely fantastic ones around me!

I now know I can live alone- no bother but my socialising goes up A LOT. 10 months in, I have done it, I have enjoyed the cleanliness mostly, I have enjoyed being able to listen to music at loud volume, I have enjoyed being able to leave it messy and untidy when wanted and now I know that I can live alone so I am ready to stop living alone again… A new chapter awaits me and with much trepidation, I am ready for it. And very excited about moving in with Red. Who would have thought a drunken night out would have lead to this!!

choices you make.PNG

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Encased

There are moments… when out of the blue… I feel so warm, cosy and fuzzy. It is not because someone wrapped me in a blanket or because someone did something for me but it is a sense of security in knowing you are surrounded by a massive amount of love and there’s nothing that can penetrate that amazing layer.

I am in a genuinely enviable position to be with a man who doesn’t have me on a pedestal and he ain’t on one either (unless it is to change a frigging bulb) but a man who recognises me as an equal, who respects me for who I am, who does little things to make me smile and big things to get a rise out of me, who may not always understand my point of view but always empathises with me, a man who truly wants to look after me knowing full well that that is exactly what I want to do for him.

I haven’t seen him in a few days. When I am sick and tired as I am, it feels like a lifetime. Yet, I go to bed knowing I am a very lucky lady to have my friends, my family and Red.

I hope you feel as secure, content and loved and know the feeling I am trying to capture in words. Good night x

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The Social Pressure

You know, in India, I expect the pressure- it is inherent in our society:
“When will you get married?”
“When will you have kids?”
“When will you do X?”
“When…?”
“When…??”
“When…???”
It’s only natural. In fact it is one of the main reasons I feel I cannot live back home- I feel I am always trying to prove something, live the lives they want me to lead and am a constant rebel. Being a black sheep far away is much much much easier!

Last few months, I have started feeling the pressure here. And it’s not from my family but oddly from Red’s. I am absolutely flattered and overjoyed they want to make me an official part of the family. I am delighted they care so much about us and approve of us- getting a call from Red’s mum when he is away and she needs to tell him something is a testament that I am seen and accepted as his partner.

I needed to vent and get it out of my system to be able to accept the questioning again tomorrow- them old grandparents aren’t too good at remembering they asked me this question today! Sigh, the joys of having to see them without Red…Life, eh! At least this one has a HUGE silver lining 🙂

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The First Hello…

… after the last goodbye!

Yes, I had one of those moments yesterday where, at a ball, I glimpsed a guy I was with.

Now this is potentially the only guy in the world I really imagined a future with and it went nowhere, I was definitely very upset and confused when it all unfolded. And I always assumed we would bump into each other at some point but just not at a black tie ball- the advantage there is we both looked well 🙂

So, re-applied my bright red lipstick, shook my hair till it looked just messy enough to be cool, in my towering high heels, I walked up to the guy and said hello. And then he rose, all the tallness of him and I recalled why I was so attracted to him- still an imposing figure, still a good looking face and still someone who could fill a suit well.

And then we chatted, we chatted for a few minutes catching up on the major aspects of life. And then we chatted about the smaller things and then we chatted of things we hadn’t really spoken much about at that time. And as we chatted, I realised he was a good guy (phew, I hadn’t messed up on that front at least) but an unhappy one (despite major changes since we had met, and all of them good, he still wasn’t content), with a few regrets in life and so, it made me appreciate Red so much more.

The moment we finished our chat, I knew it was time for me to head home, head home to the man I love the most, the man who stands up to me when I am wrong, the man who pushes me to be the best I can be, the man who gets silly with me when I want to, the man who scrubs up well and escorts me to all the fancy balls we go to, the man who makes my ‘ovaries swing’… I knew the story that started 3 years ago is the one I want to be a part of for the rest of my life and I am really glad I got the closure with Tolkein without ever actually needing it.

 

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So Lucky!

This week has been amazingly good at making me feel SO very lucky to be with Red- he has been the biggest support, my cheerleader, my fan, my rock and also the one to pull me when I was wrong, the one to correct me when I was likely to go the wrong way and the one to pick me one when things were down but still, his motorbike and his DIY skills win tops!

boy vs gentleman

I don’t even know if others are jealous but I sure am lucky.

Full of love, gratitude and contentment xx

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The good and the bad

So, as you know, about 6 weeks ago, I aired my concerns about my understanding of love. I have since spent a lot of time trying to understand what it means to me, personally. I realise this definition may not fit anyone else and it may change as I get more mature but for now, this is what it is all about.

Love to me is about the kind of fights I wrote about- maybe without the fear of actual physical abuse but with the passion of emotion that we shared. But more so, despite the hurt and the pain, it is about moving on from it and focusing on all that’s good.

Love to me is about telling the other person when they are wrong, not mincing your words and going as far as telling them things they may not want to hear. This is mostly to avoid the issue of groupthink within any relationship.

Love to me is very strongly about being two individuals- those who are comfortable within their own right, those who can speak for themselves, those who decide on their own but those who care for the other one’s opinion, who take into account the feelings of their partner, who looks out for a relationship more than for themselves.

Love to me is about silliness- be it a fit of giggles over something silly, a hug for the sake of it, a random present cos you thought of the person, a funny card… basically, a lot of laughs.

Love to me is about being so secure with one another that a third person feels comfortable in your presence- there needn’t be a show of constant affection, constant canoodling, constant ego-upping of the other person- the occasional putdown is pretty acceptable.

Love to me is about thinking of the other person when you are happy, sad, when you wake up, when you go to bed.

Love to me is about wanting to spend more time with the other person the more you spend it with them- sounds weird but it makes sense in my head.

Love to me is about knowing I am so loved and that I love someone so much we know when the other one is not being themselves and accept it and move on.

Love to me is about doing something because it makes you happy to make them happy! And realising that has been a big, big, big thing for me.

Will I ever forget the fight? Almost a year now and I can easily say no.
Have I forgiven the person who caused it? To the best of my ability, I have.
Do I still to heal? Probably yes but that’s not as much about Red and me but about me dealing with the trust issues I have.

And with that, I leave you with love. Love, love, love xxx

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Something beautiful

So the other day I was talking about the end of a very close friendship to another friend.

For obvious reasons, I am sad- it’s a huge part of my life and I do feel sad that thing went this sour but they do make for great memories.

She said to me, “The best way to look at it is that for each of you, the most beautiful thing of your lives emerged from the embers of this friendship.”

That’s such a beautiful thought!
#lookatthesilverlining

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The emotional vs logical scare

Ever been in a fight where you were scared of being beaten up?
Ever been in an argument so bad that the taxi driver wanted to call the cops for one’s safety?
Ever been in a scenario where one is so scared that it’s only some perverse sort of faith that lets you realise it’s a certain mix of words from others, anger, hurt, disdain and alcohol. Or is this love?

When it happened, I cried for ages and I knew the words he had said to me weren’t his but those of someone he had spent a long time talking to, the anger wasn’t directed at me per se but he needed to lash- all this made sense at a logical level yet it hurt, it hurt more than most things have in life. Through it, I cried to my friends, I re-evaluated certain people and their so-called motivation to help, I re-evaluated our whole relationship- trust me, this is tricky when you are trying to keep it hidden from the world beyond. I considered moving countries, I considered running away the way my father did, I considered many exit routes and knew none of them make me as happy as good day with Red. I would have survived, I would have found someone else eventually, I would have created a new circle of friends and a new life but I knew, I knew it wasn’t him. Logically I knew I had nothing to fear and emotionally I knew he would never hurt me, yet I was upset and I cried.

Recently the person who had instigated this kinda came back into the periphery of my life and once again, the wound was reopened. This time, it was way trickier as I was once again, having to put on a happy face and deal with it internally. Red and I have spoken about this in length since, he has understood the deep pain I was caused, the person who instigated it remains clueless and I have no intention of changing that but I wonder if this is what love is- despite the worst pain, you know the person doesn’t mean to hurt you, contrary to what it may look to the outside world. Or is this stupidity? I know we are in a much stronger place together as this situation could have risen again but we knew how to handle it much better this time. The fact that a previous hurt I had dealt with is coming back to haunt me is making me question things I was very content with and I am very confused about what I should be doing (again!).

I am SO confused- he is such a good person, he cares for me deeply, he makes me smile by just saying hey or making his presence known, he tells me when I am wrong, he inspires me to be a better and kinder person, makes me follow my dreams and shares his with me, takes advice off me and in all respects, we are a solid team but this deep, deep pain, which is technically not his fault, needs to be dealt with and I don’t know how!

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An Innocent Bystander

I realised the biggest downside of being in a relationship- it possibly took me forever to learn the lesson that others have inherently known but I did. I have always treated each relationship as between two people but the more I see the world, the more I realise everyone isn’t as clearcut about relationships.

Recently, there was a bit of a fall out between someone I thought was a friend and me- things came to a head yesterday and we have agreed to go on differing paths.

There were a few things that upset me:
– it was yet another miscommunication issue
– after a great day on Saturday, I felt a change to some extent was actually possible but so was not the case
– Red getting affecting without needing to

blame

There are a few lessons here for me:
– not to trust anyone the way I have in the past ever again
– to really try and read the worst in what I say/ write as it will be picked up in that vein way more than it would be in the way I intended
– to think of every relationship from a couple stand point yet treat it as my own singular one

I sincerely hope I can amend my ways before I cause anyone else unintended hurt.
As way of somehow putting it all to an end for me, I wish the people affected the very best and truly hope they get all they deserve. They have been good friends at different times to me and I sincerely wish them well.

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You Just Know

Recently, a friend of mine was talking to me about her experience with an ex.

Even though it’s been 4 years since they parted ways (and a good thing it was too), he texted her out of the blue wanting to renew relations (as if). Through the tone of his texts, she could tell what he was thinking.

This got me thinking:
– Does she know ‘cos of the amount of time they spent together?
– Does she know ‘cos that’s what she wants to think even if she disagrees with wanting to feel that way?
– Does she know ‘cos she has moved on and he hasn’t?

How do you know?
And how do you know what you are thinking is right or not?
Do we really need to turn to such measures to feel better about ourselves?

I know I am guilty of this too- is this just a survival instinct or is this a way of justifying our behaviour?!

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When did the change happen?!

So, today midst conversation, a  friend thanked me for something and included Red in it- he had nothing to do with the conversation, with the topic or with anything, he wasn’t even present.

I still don’t introduce him as my boyfriend, I rarely call him my partner and I often just say “This is Red”.

So when did my identity become a part of us? When did everything I do become a part of his? And conversely, I presume, when did everything I do become a part of his?

We fight for our individualism, we seek it yet sometimes, we obviously don’t impact the way people think. Is this a society thing? Is this the way we are wired?

I am not against him getting the mention at all, I am (to some extent) glad of it but a wee part of me does want to ensure I remain Joy before I am Joy and Red. Am I weird?!

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Happy Mondays!

Today, I got the news a friend of mine who I suspect I would have been close in different circumstances got engaged. Now, I must admit, I find her partner dull and a bitta cardboard for my style but it works for them and he has been amazing for her- calming her down, giving her support when she needed and just being an all round sound guy.

In the last 4 weeks, at least 10 couples I know personally have gotten engaged and about 5 couples eloped- this just got me wondering:

a. Am I at that age where the second phase of weddings have started?
b. Is it really such a cliched seasonal thing?
c. Am I just more aware of it now myself?!

If it’s ‘a’, I feel a lot older all of a sudden, ‘b’ then so be it and ‘c’, then I am worried, very worried for myself- when did I become that sort of a girl who notices engagements and weddings?!

<20 mins later>

When I dig deeper into this, I realise I have become more aware. The awareness itself doesn’t stem from envy or jealousy but from a place of contentment and a place of knowing who I genuinely want to care for.

– the contentment comes from knowing I am happy- yes, being with Red is part of it but I like to believe I would be happy irrespective and that I have in the last 18 odd months figured out more about myself, more about where I want to go and more about where I come from within

– the caring comes from having been vulnerable to others too many times, knowing I am choosing my friends now and knowing who matters to me means that when something important happens to them, I am delighted and therefore, more aware. Yes, the numbers above do include people I wouldn’t really count as my close friends but it is nice to know of the big events of their life!

So there, happy Monday or what- that’s one way to beat the blues, eh?! Cosy up, snuggle up and enjoy the love in your lives- be it a dog, a friend or most importantly, just yourself xxx

Love = miracles

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There, I admit it!

Last weekend, within 24 hours, 4 friends got engaged- that’s 4 different couples, even if the partners are friends of mine too and another one got married. For the first time ever, I wondered if the Sex and the City of all the women finding their partners and their love etc is something more real than not.

I have always admitted I want to get married, have a family and enjoy that lifestyle but not until I am ready- however, when I see everyone around me going down the path, I do begin to wonder, am I in denial or am I expecting some sort of a thunderclap?!

It was weird, about 10 days, my first ever boyfriend got married and that impacted me more than any of my ex’s ever! It truly got me thinking of an alternate universe where I wasn’t such a party girl, where I was married, where I had kids and where I wasn’t living my dream. Additionally, I went through a whole introspection of my 20s and realised I spent it having fun- I did none of the sensible things one is expected to do- I didn’t save, I don’t own property, I didn’t get married, I don’t have a responsible job etc etc etc.

And I also realised in 2015, I can have NO frigging holiday because I will be spending all my free time in weddings- 7 close friends and family at last count- there may be a few more yet! I had thought I had gone through that wave and was in the baby wave but alas, life has other plans obviously and it has got me wondering…

Is this the beginning of the transition? Will this be where I get cranky and nary about the lack of a legal name to my relationship with Red?

I will admit, I am scared about the future! Wish me luck, peeps.

reality

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Men ARE from a different planet

Proven FACT, today.

I drive ALL the way to see Red in a tiny village where I have no other vested interest to not be greeted with hugs and “let me look after you since you are sick” but “I am off to the pub, have fun”.

Seriously!?

If I was not so damn sniffly and scared of crashing the car, I would almost certainly have driven home tonight.

Hopping mad!!!!

If I needed to watch telly/ work/ read a book, I could have saved fuel, saved time, eaten something I like to eat, caught up with friends and stayed at home!

Men. Idiots. Fact.

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Date with Self

Today, I cancelled on various different plans. Plans so I could spend some time with ME.

I was feeling cranky, a little tired and just in need to some TLC- I had a long bath, cooked myself a lovely salmon meal and finally indulged in Nutella with Butlers Hot Chocolate followed by a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

Sometimes, it’s got be done.

Here’s to having had 3 days with myself this week- what an amazing feeling! 🙂

you are amazing

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Relations, Decisions, Ownership…

You know, life is a funny curve- no matter what, the other side seems greener! This is in no means an admission that you aren’t happy but maybe not always satisfied… I am in a really good place, life is fantastic and everything seems to be working out just the way I want it to AND I love it!

And then there are the tough decisions that no matter what the result, even if it what you want it to be, it doesn’t make for easy discussions or easy journeys to a decision. I somehow seem to be caught bang in the middle of three massive decisions, of which none is immediate so therefore tonnes of hypotheticals being built in one’s head and no real action as it is impossible to do so.

The decisions of owning certain assets together, the decisions of the right time to have kids, the decision to adopt kids, the decision of where to live, the decision of moving to different continents for one’s career, the decision to plan holidays around certain big events that mean a lot to one person, the decision to share the responsibility of a pet, the decisions that would potentially be easy when in the thick of things but tricky when you have time to think…

Oh for just a few moments I wish I was single and carefree but the support, the love, the laughter and mostly, the silliness, I will put up with this all this growing up jazz that gets thrown our way. 

Sigh!

Finding your kind of crazy

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I know, I am breaking my own rule!

But I genuinely have the best partner in the world. FACT!

Red, you are awesome- when you should be working on your own stuff, you are helping me with mine so I don’t freak out and giving me all the support I need- you rock! You are an absolute rockstar and I adore you loads.

Definition of love

Love,
Joy.

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Am a lucky woman indeed.

Thanks Red.

 

cuddles

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How do you know ‘It’s the one’?

You know, whenever I read fairytales, was told of love, it was as if you knew when it would be the one. I have never known. Maybe I haven’t found the one. Maybe I don’t believe in the one.

But I do know that for a good strong relationship, there is one really good sign and that is when one doesn’t have to explain or justify the other person’s methods/ moves/ comments etc.

When I was with JR- his not talking to me for 3 days- I explained it by saying he was busy.
When I was with TL- his lack of willingness to spend- I explained by claiming he earned in INR and me in EUR.
When I was with SL- his lack of wanting to fly to India- I explained through lack of funds- though he could go around South America!
See a pattern?
Not saying Red is the one but saying that being with Red has made me realise that love is truly about accepting the other person, completely unconditionally!

My tips for knowing you have a good one:
1. Acceptance
2. Respect
3. Pride- pride in showing them off
4. Happiness- their happiness increases your happiness.

be yourself

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Being in Love

The other day, one of my many aunts and I were having a conversation on love. She said the 5 things that define long term love are:

– do we like each other’s natural smells?
– do we have fun together?
– do we still want to spend time with each other after a whole load of 24/7s?
– do we know each other’s irritating habits and can we tolerate each other when the other one is angry/ emotional/ irrational?
– do we have a similar value base?

While that may be the practical 5 step guide, I think a simple test is doing something that makes the other person happy a way of making yourself happy? If so, you are in love…

falling in love

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Totally agree- the uber man!

All- read!

http://whalesandmatches.com/
or if that link doesn’t work, it is copied here too:
http://mindvalleyacademy.com/blog/love-and-relationships/nothing-sexier

Men, this is what we women want. (Red- go figure it out)
Women, if you don’t agree, please tell me why!

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Cheese Alert- this may be a bit over the top!

How can this not make one’s day go better:

photo.PNGAnd it just makes one feel happier and so loved. Well… we all want that feeling!

So Red, this is for you:

better person without changing youThank you for making me want to be better (even if I still don’t wanna do the dishes!) and for making me feel like the luckiest girl alive.

I hope everyone can experience love like this at some stage of their lives 🙂

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Goodbye 2013

In Jan 2013, I told Moo that this was the year I wanted to fall in love just to know I could and that I had really, truly moved on and guess what, I did.

2013 has been a good year, a tough year, a fun year, an enlightening year but most importantly- an amazing year ‘cos of Red. He has totally taken me by surprise and I am absolutely over the moon we are so happy and so strong.

Sometimes you fall in loveThank you 2013 for being so good to me, may your successor be even better though 🙂

HAPPY NEW YEAR all!!

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Why I love Red

I was out for dinner with Daddy Long Legs earlier today and I realised 2 very important things about why I am so much happier in this relationship than I have ever been in the past. I do realise I may have already said these but it’s always good to have a new reminder 🙂

1. We are two individuals. We go out with others, meet others, talk to different people, acknowledge the presence of the other person but don’t necessarily talk to the other person. When together, we are a unit- we are a strong couple, we deal with our issues and we can be a team when needed but to us our individualities are important. Yes, I am Red’s girlfriend and yes he is my boyfriend (ugh, hate those terms) but we are different people and hope to continue to remain so.

2. He grounds me. I go into flights of fancy and even though he joins me, he adds an elements of practicality. Similarly, he goes off into his flights of fancy and lets me join me. Together we both continue being our mad, quirky selves while knowing when to put a stop for the other person. Well, at least I hope I do the same for him.

Yes, they are not new, they are exclusive to us but they are very important to me and I am glad I got those two! A third but not so important but still fairly important is the fact that he can go from moshing with me in a dirty pit to scrubbing up for a black tie event, if needs be and knows how to hold his own in both those situations.

But the one reason that is not as practical yet overpowers them all is that he makes me laugh.

come out strongerI hope we have the basis to be that sort of a couple and someday, we will get there…. only time will tell!

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Brrr… tis cold!

And this cheesier than cheese pic captures how to keep warm!

cheesier than cheese

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What Is This Need People Speak Of?!

For the longest time, I scoffed at the concept of ‘need’- what is this need?!

And today, I am ashamed and I hang my head in shame at having become one of them people who ‘needs’ their partners, not just want! Yes, my friends, I have entered the minefield called emotional dependance and I am scared- scared sh!tless!!!

I know I can survive on my own, sure I can- I have survived major illnesses, my father discarding me, having no money, being shunned by my own family and breaking every possible rule put in front of me- but I don’t want to anymore- I want to be looked after when I can be, I want to be weak more than I want to always be independent, I want to know there is a safety net that is not just my mother, I want to know someone out there cares- unconditionally and absolutely for no other reason but because I am me and I know for the moment, I have that person. And yes, the more time I spend with him, the more I want. Dammit, yes I need Red. There, I said it. AAARGH!

So Red….

Curl up in your arms

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Going down the “what if” route

You know, happy as I am that I never did end up with SL or TL, sometimes I can’t help but realise the advantages I would have enjoyed today if I was with them.

Those advantages may not be all that amazing but they would certainly made life a lot easier- easy enough for me to understand why some people marry for money or why some marry for a passport.

Over the past few weeks, I have been very introspective and realised that we, especially women, are great at making life tougher than it needs be and you know what- it really effing shouldn’t be that tough- it is about enjoying life and using the support we have to making it easier.

And I may not have realised this if it hadn’t been for someone like Red- who eventually will be able to give me the advantages I speak of should we go down the route of settling down together and sharing a life together. The irony of it all!

Someday, it will all work out and all these trials will be worth it- I have faith. Faith in the balance of karma and the universe. Please don’t knock me down again, please, pretty please.

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SOOOOOOOOO cheesy that I love it!

Cards in Love

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November 20, 2013 · 5:22 pm

It’s in the little things

My sappiness continues… things Red did in the last while that were just very thoughtful:

– Despite being very tired, he went looking for a phone charger for me so I could charge my phone when I came down to visit
– I was working late and he went to bed before me- kept my side of the bed warm, switched on the light when I walked in so I wouldn’t trip and generally made me feel all fuzzy and warm
– Learnt how to cook a dish I love so he could cook it for me, my way!
– Made a cosy spot for me to work from in his place
– Left a toothbrush on my bag so I wouldn’t have to go looking for it when I woke up
– Made me feel like the most loved lady

Thanks Red for making me feel so loved and so cared for and for breaking down my defenses- all these things you do are not unnoticed or unappreciated.

actions are stronger than words

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Nov 12 Tuesday: Beautiful Moment

I am gonna be sappy and I am not going to go back to a time long long ago but I am going to go ahead anyway…

Last weekend, after a very long time, I got to spend some time on my couch- it was clean, the room was neat and I could put my feet up in my bathrobe, feeling all comfortable- to me, that was pure bliss. The fact I had just been fed a massive feed by Red and could cuddle up to him was the cherry on the cake.

Yes! I know I have become one of them girls and to avoid talking about this to anyone, I am going to cherish the simplicity in that moment, the beauty of the comfort, the love we shared at the time and preserve it as a very beautiful memory for the years to come… as I suspect I may forget it if I don’t note it down!

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Nov 7 Thursday: Letter

Dear TSG,

We met on a date- we had a great time, we chatted for hours, we texted for days, we knew what we had was special but we also learnt pretty damn quick, it wasn’t to be a romantic one… we could have walked away and let it be but somehow, we got through the hump and we became friends, very good friends- friends who don’t get enough time together but friends who love the time we do get, friends who share stories, friends who share secrets, friends who depend on each other. To be able to call your daughter my niece is a testament to the friendship we share. I am very happy you are a part of my life, for the laughs we share, for the stories we swap and for that we communicate even when we say nothing. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being a part, an important part, of my life.

Love,
Joy.

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May not be perfect…

Dear Red

I feel our relationship has taken a turn:
– we are gearing up for our first big fight this weekend
– we are aware that we will be in the same country for the foreseeable future
– we have been invited to weddings in 2014 together (3 and counting)

All very serious stuff and honestly, scary. VERY scary- however, this pic captures how I feel:

as long as you try, I stay

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Go Kiss!

Here’s why….

advantages of kissin

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Aug 29 Thursday: Letter

Dear Red,

You are the only person in my life that the more time I spend with, the more I want to. I usually need a break but not from you. So, no matter what else I say, I suppose all I can say is thanks for being you and thanks for being a huge part of my life… let’s see how this journey of ours pans out!

Love,
Joy

PS Seems I have started repeating, oops!

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A Good Relationship…

So the other day Red and I decided it is time we unveiled the truth about our relationship publicly if the occasion arose and this quote sprung to my mind:

best relationships begin unexpectedlyRed and I have known each other for 4 years, we have bumped into each other socially over the years… yet only in the last few months have we become a couple. And so far, it has been the easiest relationship I have had, the most unexpected (given the circumstances) and definitely one of the most fun… which led me to remember this quote:

act silly withNot saying Red is not the perfect boyfriend (I don’t even know what a perfect boyfriend is to be honest) but till he acts silly with me, makes me laugh, keeps teaching me new things, expanding my horizons, keeps treating me like a queen, enjoys spending time with me and being as amazing as he is, I am definitely the luckiest woman alive!

Thank you for the memories so far Red- looking forward to seeing where our rollercoaster journey will take us!

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June 27 Thursday: Letter

Dear Red

You have only been a part of my life for a very short period of time. Over this period, you have been rather important to me and I cannot but thank you for ALL the help you gave me to cross the obstacle that was in my path earlier today. I truly appreciate the number of times you have just done things for me, helped me out, introduced me to new experiences and I am not so sure my liver appreciates the amount of partying we get up to or my body the lack of sleep… but either which way, I am glad you are a part of my life and I certainly hope we can keep our friendship growing stronger all the time…

Thanks again.

Love,Joy

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Life is pretty darn good

These days all seems to be going well… I was talking to a friend of mine who was trying to understand my “relationship” with Red and I surprised myself by saying this:

Screen shot 2013-06-04 at 22.56.27I have almost always been the relationship sort of a girl, I have fun but don’t get serious but this time, there is something different. Lady keeps wondering if I am compromising on what I want but the truth is out there- I am happy, I am having fun and yes, I would be keen to know if we have a future but hey, there’s no crystal ball!

break, forgive, kiss, love, laugh, no regrets, smileAnd you know what, I might be doing something unconventional, I might be playing with fire but I am creating memories that make me smile and hopefully always will.

AND I am meeting some amazing people 🙂 All in all, I am pretty damn happy with the way my life is!

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The kind of Love we all aspire to…

I seem to be getting a lot of love stories these days and they are very sappy and cheesy but kinda cute….

Here’s another I like!

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman, probably in his 80’s, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?’

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,

‘She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.’

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

‘That is the kind of love I want in my life.’

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

Life= storm and dancing

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Meeting the Parents?!

So… next month is going to be a little interesting… I know for a fact things have changed a little for Red and me but it seems, I am finally going to an event with his family. So far, I have met the friends and the sibling but this is scary and exciting.

I know for a fact that for once, my nationality will probably work in my favour rather than against! After 5 years with SL and dealing with his parents, I am tired of it all!!!!

On a different note, I am a little annoyed at one of my mates going on about another mate’s mother and her apparent issue with the non Irish! Seriously, people need to get over this and chill out.

But yeah, I know in Ireland, at least in out current “relationship situation”, meeting the parents is not a big deal but I am Indian, and to me, it is still a step in a different direction, even if its only in my head. Either which way, I am looking forward to it- they sound like a fun bunch to be around!

One day at a time….relationship status = dont know

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True Love… Nothing good gets away

Saw this post on facebook today, thanks to a friend- absolutely brilliant!!

Letter John Steinbeck wrote to his teenage son Thom who had just fallen in love –

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Da

Everyone needs a dad telling their son this!

love and better

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‘cos we are different

I love the fact that Red and I have such an unusual friendship- last night at 330 am, we decided to go for a walk up to Bray just to overlook Dublin and its lights. It was absolutely freezing and I was rotten cold but it was so good to just spend some time with him, have the banter, share a few laughs and talk about all the things that are happening in our lives!

And then, us being us, of course we kept talking and so ended up at his and went to bed early morning, only to wake up to go see a friend of ours do this thing called “autotest”- the test word threw me off and I had no clue why we were going to cheer a mate getting a license but went along and realised it was kinda track racing and it was great craic altogether- we saw 3 of the 12 rounds and I had had my fill- it was something different for a saturday afternoon and I am glad I went along!

Between pigs, the random banter, the unusual activities we get up to and the laughs we share, I am so glad we don’t follow the traditional route and are having an absolute blast!

 

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If music be the food of love…

… I have had the most romantic 3 days EVER!

I have been to many music festivals, I have heard lots of bands but the last 3 days have been just different… I hadn’t planned any of it, it kinda all just happened and I am on a HUGE high!!!!

I even went away for the day to see John Grant perform- it was amazing- so much more electronica than I had expected. All in all, amazing!

musicSo today I went to the county that Red was spending his weekend in. Bumped into a lot of his friends too. He didn’t know I was there and I still haven’t informed him. I feel I shouldn’t need to- just cos we are in the same place doesn’t mean we should meet… am I weird that way?! Many of my friends think so but he had his plans and we hadn’t really been in touch… Of course I will tell him when I see him- we even put a pic on his friend’s fb just to let him know! Ah well… I am still too much on a music high to give a damn!

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Why define?!

So… Red and I have been kinda seeing each other for almost 3 months- according to everyone else we are a couple but if anyone asks us, we both deny it.

WHY?
Is it cos we are commitment phobes?
Is it cos neither of us wants to rock the boat?
OR *shock horror*
Neither of us cares to define it.

not every girl wants a relationshipHonestly, Red and I have a laugh every time we are together, we turn to each other when we need support, we have fabulous chemistry and we are comfortable with the way things are- WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE NEED TO DEFINE IT?

And even more importantly- WHY DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THEY HAVE A SAY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP?!

Am I being unreasonable or just way too mature?! Hehe 😉

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THIS feeling..

This feeling is awesome- ‘cos you realise the power of your emotions, irrespective to anyone else’s.
It may have romantic notions attached but I think it’s a powerful statement for so many relationships- almost all my real friendships in my life have at some stage evoked such a feeling.

be with youSuch a beautiful feeling to want to spend time with someone. I like it, I like it a lot. Thank you all for envoking it in me!

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If things were normal, life would be too boring

And this captures the current state of my love life (and every other aspect) absolutely perfectly!

normal vs my love lifeI wish I knew what I want in my relationship with Red- I can’t blame him since I can’t articulate it myself yet- aaaargh! It’s such a case of the blink leading the blind!

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An alpha and an alpha

The other day, a mate and I were talking about relationships- we both agreed that the best/ ideal scenario is when a couple can retain their identities as individuals and form a new identity as themselves. Also, we know that it is not too idealistic a scenario as we have seen a lot of examples of such in our lives.

However, I was chatting to another mate and they commented that an Alpha and an Alpha could never gel. For obvious reasons, this got my goat! We have seen how many posts I have written about the brilliance that is the combination of these two.

And this got me thinking… so here’s what makes a good Alpha-Alpha relation work and be awesome, in my opinion. A lot of these are good relationship rules in my head but then again- I have never understood a non-Alpha-Alpha relationship so…. :

– They need to be friends first
– They need to have their own interests and know what they like or don’t
– Their relationship needs to be built on trust, loyalty, respect
– The relationship needs to be well balanced between depending and letting the other person depend
– The relationship needs to have more areas of support than of competition
– Both people need to retain their individual personalities- Goes without saying, they need to have awesome chemistry

In other words, if two strong personalities can be supportive friends and also be lovers, it could really work. Idealism or realism, I am not sure but I like to believe the latter!

perfect relationship

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Spring in the step

It’s the simple things in life that make one happy.

Today, I got sunburnt- normally not something to be happy about but it’s great to have the sun on my face for so long, the long drive in my car, despite the weather…

Today, I also caught up with 2 very good friends- one that I see regularly enough and one that I don’t see too often despite being very fond of her…

Today, I also had a smile on my face due to some random texting with Red…

Today, though I hardly slept, though I am exhausted beyond belief, I am delighted with the reaction a customer had to something we delivered to them…

Today, my energy levels are shot, I am getting ready to go away for a weekend with practically nothing packed, with stress levels being very high and all that, BUT I have a spring in my step ‘cos a lot of small things came together to make it a great day!

Thank you Universe. I truly appreciate all the love you are sending my way.

everything is extraordinary

Life is fabulous right now. I feel absolutely great! I wish to bottle this feeling and smell it every time I feel a little down or share it with anyone who doesn’t have a smile on their face!

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An Accident Waiting to Happen?!

Am I an accident waiting to happen?

Red and I met this weekend and agreed to not be a couple- we are both not ready for it and we are both not looking for a relationship. However, if I am being totally honest to myself, despite my misgivings about the timing, despite my thinking it could be a rebound, despite my realising that I don’t want him to be a Tolkein aftermath, I think I do want something longterm with this guy.

His actions and his words are not adding up- the next few times we hang out, sober and drunk are definitely going to give me a better idea, I suspect.

I know I am freefalling and going with the flow but now I am left uncertain as to what to do- I could walk away now and be somewhat hurt and wonder for the rest of my life if I made the right decision or I could keep falling and at this breakneck speed- 6 weeks is all we have been together- I am a train going downhill with no brakes and a tree stump bang in the way- right now, I have managed to pull into a station- will I take my chances again or will I do the sensible thing….

Help? Please Universe! Please. I don’t know what I am doing, what I want and what the eff just happened between our comfortable everything to now… so someone, anyone, please help me.

Much love. Night.

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A guy “SHOULD”

I cannot believe I have become one of those ladies who actually thought “A guy should…” I mean seriously- WHY?! I have always scoffed at people who expect the other partner to know what to give and what to do without the girl telling him!

I am a little sick and feeling cranky and wanting my mother, so for obvious reasons I would like Red to look after me but he doesn’t know that. He knows I am a little sick but to him, that’s probably reason to stay away. And in his state of shyness (endearing and irritating, all at once!!), he is obviously not likely to reach out. I do know for a fact that if I was with him and then started feeling sick, he would move all he could to mind me.

All my other friends think he SHOULD come over and mind me or at least offer to- a part of me wants him to, yes BUT is it fair to expect that? Especially when I am being the one holding back from sending him a text ‘cos in my head I want him to reach out to me now- ‘cos even though I know he cares for me, I need him to somehow make me believe we both want this! (And maybe that’s why I haven’t told him to look after me!!)

fight for her

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To go or Not to go

I have never been this caught between a head and heart situation. And it’s not a case that both are just fighting one corner- individually, they have different pros and cons. And I am confused!

As we all know, about 5 weeks, Red and I got together. That night, the bunch of us discussed the possibility of going away for the weekend. Well, the weekend is upon us.

Do I want to go? Yes, says the heart. No, says the head.

So heart
YES: Time with Red and his mates and some of my mates, a good way to know about the future for sure
NO: Odd one out- it’s a bunch of lads and their girlfriends- I am neither, shyness- yup- very true- I am shy, especially when it involves dating and especially when I know Red is the sort of guy who will not be all coupley/ mushy or not want to have the craic- infact, I can be assured he will almost be the last one to bed- which brings to me- are we assuming I am sharing a bed with him?!

And head
YES: A weekend away with a guy I want to try & explore a future with- go for it, A great way to meet new people and get to know Red’s friends
NO: ‘Does he really want you there?!’ ‘How can you be sure?’ (And I know it sounds silly but it is kinda going back to the whole arguement of I am neither girlfriend nor lad- how will I behave, especially with no wing woman- Tigger & Ryan are both gonna be too insular to care about me :/), It is not the best time of the month for me to be away, I hate driving alone and other such excuses that I can easily make up!

So basically, I have 4 lists and neither is winning. I dislike this confusion. Why oh why can I not decide?!

Is it a case that it stems from the fact I am actually a lot more smitten by this one than I have been for a VERY long time (read TL), a part of me is willing to get hurt but a part of me is not willing to get out of my comfort zone… If only he hadn’t been away the past 10 days, it would have been easier…

be brave

UPDATE: Mar 15, 1:16 am

The plan is to try & meet him tomorrow (later today) and I think that will be the deciding factor- how I feel when I see him will give me the answer I am looking for, I suspect. I will know how much my heart really wants it and I will know how much he wants me there. If he has included in emails and mentioned it so many times, he is obviously keen, I suppose. So basically, ball is now in his court and I don’t even have a racket to throw a shot, even if I so want to!

UPDATE: Mar 16, 2:03 am

Met him for lunch today, walked out still confused- I like him, does he like me sorta feeling… but then again, he is a tough one to read. Bloody Scorpion men! And decided if I am meant to be free falling, this weekend would be the perfect way to figure it out… so here’s me checking out for the weekend- have a blast. And oh- does this count as 1 date or 3 dates?!

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