Yup, I faced my fear- for years, the idea of living alone has haunted me- I have never understood the appeal of it. Don’t get me wrong, there are some great aspects:
– only your mess
– not having to worry about anyone else
– enjoying a quiet book
– spending time alone
But these are all things one can work around with. Living alone can be boring- there’s no craic in making dinner for 1 or boiling the kettle for 1- it’s always more fun to do things in groups. Ok, ok, not always but usually. There’s something nice about unwinding at the end of the day with a glass of wine talking to a friend or having movie nights with popcorns and pizzas or midnight birthday balloons or just silliness and conversations. Great housemates make for some great times and I have had some absolutely fantastic ones around me!
I now know I can live alone- no bother but my socialising goes up A LOT. 10 months in, I have done it, I have enjoyed the cleanliness mostly, I have enjoyed being able to listen to music at loud volume, I have enjoyed being able to leave it messy and untidy when wanted and now I know that I can live alone so I am ready to stop living alone again… A new chapter awaits me and with much trepidation, I am ready for it. And very excited about moving in with Red. Who would have thought a drunken night out would have lead to this!!
Over the years, I have come across loads of different types of people. Surprisingly😉
There are usually ones I warm up to instantly, some I am a bit cagey about and some I can’t tell why I don’t like.
Often, in the ones I don’t like initially, there are a handful who change my mind about them but often, turns out my gut was right. These people have this amazing ability to eventually make you feel better about yourself, have fun with them, trust them and so on and as you start getting comfortable and changing your initial belief about them, BOOM.
They start saying comments that make them feel better about themselves. Now I, for one, am all about the self loving! I love me and I think everyone should love themselves. BUT it’s not doing you or anyone else any good if you can love yourself by putting others down. Their comments may be slightly snide only or they may be masked as advice but never have I come across any that are genuinely helpful.
Over the years, I have been trying to weed such people out of my life and surround myself with those full of love and gratitude, those who don’t compliment me when they don’t want to, those who only advice me when they can add value or when asked and those who genuinely wish me the best.
Down with the frenemies! I wish there was a way to eradicate that gene in every single human.
Filed under Friends, Health
Bring it on!!
I feel I turned a corner, not sure what the corner is or where it leads me to but I turned it and I am so so so so so so so excited about what lies ahead!
When the weather is so gorgeous in Dublin, this is what I really wanna do…
If only we could do it on the few good days of weather we have… or will we still need wetsuits?!😉
When I am tired and can’t seem to switch off my brain…😉
Long weekend has me out of kilter… Night all, sweet dreams x
I love the surprises life holds.
Last year, I defined a role I really wanted to pursue when I was in talks about ending my role with the company then… Knew it was kinda a thought and maybe not even ideal for me but I just knew, I wanted it!
Well, fast forward to 9 months later, it has come on a silver platter to me. You got to love the way things work out- only time will tell what I will decide….
And sometimes, the dreams that come true are the drams you had forgotten you had!
There are moments… when out of the blue… I feel so warm, cosy and fuzzy. It is not because someone wrapped me in a blanket or because someone did something for me but it is a sense of security in knowing you are surrounded by a massive amount of love and there’s nothing that can penetrate that amazing layer.
I am in a genuinely enviable position to be with a man who doesn’t have me on a pedestal and he ain’t on one either (unless it is to change a frigging bulb) but a man who recognises me as an equal, who respects me for who I am, who does little things to make me smile and big things to get a rise out of me, who may not always understand my point of view but always empathises with me, a man who truly wants to look after me knowing full well that that is exactly what I want to do for him.
I haven’t seen him in a few days. When I am sick and tired as I am, it feels like a lifetime. Yet, I go to bed knowing I am a very lucky lady to have my friends, my family and Red.
I hope you feel as secure, content and loved and know the feeling I am trying to capture in words. Good night x
#1: So, a friend got an infection called ‘cellulitis’- initially I thought she was referring to the beautiful love handles we get at a certain age and how they are not as pretty as we want them to be and started laughing.
Turns out, it is actually a non contagious bacteria that can only be cured using antibiotics. These names shouldn’t be so similar
Talk about my laughter being deflated, oops!
#2: Myanmar has a water festival during Thingyan in april where people throw water at each other. Not quite with colour, they may use coot from cooking vessels but it ain’t like Holi and yet it’s very similar ideology (no surprise as Buddhism is an off shoot of Hinduism).
A loving reminder, keep at it, stay creative, be arty and have faith in your skills.
Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through. ― Ira Glass
I characterise March as Bliss. What a wonderful month it has been:
– Personally: some fantastic memories created with Red, lots of laugh and tonnes of parties, great moments with loved ones
– Socially: hung out with some great people, got to make new friends, re-bonded with some old ones
– Professionally: all goes according to plan, which makes me happy, content and satisfied.
What else does one need really?! Laughs, Friends and Good times x
Filed under Friends, My Day
Started in 2010, I have personally only told 5 people of this blog and then I know one of them told someone else of it too but as far as I know, less than 7 people I personally know about this space of mine and I love the anonymity here, the freedom to share thoughts I may not share elsewhere, the ability to rant here and get it out of my system, the diary to capture certain feelings even if the true story may be masked, a place to leave notes to myself re food and anything else!
So it is very surprising for me to note that without any advertising, without informing too many people (I presume 2 of those 5 I told have no interest in coming here anymore either- we did have a bit of a fallout after all…) I still get a lot of interest here. I expected it to be maybe the odd one or 2 people stopping by but I noted today that for the past few months I have managed to beat the total number of people that came to my site all together in 2010.
Ah, the things I find amusing.
Through late teens, college, early 20s, most of us party and I was certainly no less- heralding a new day in as I went off to grab a shut-eye was rather usual for me.
However, as time gets on, life goes on, the people you party with become more immersed in practical lives as do you yourself often, energy levels drop and it seems easier to just reduce seeing a sunrise before sleep.
This week feels special- 2 nights, not 1 but 2! I would normally consider myself lucky to get 6 nights a year of such parties, VERY lucky actually so to get 2 in the course of 5 days is pretty epic and encouraging to realise I ain’t all that old!
Both parties, very different- one was a big gang who went out dancing and ended up at a house party with decks and all while the other was movies, chats, fire and dancing in the jammies… ah life, you beauty.
It’s good to go for a snooze as the birds chirp and the sun rises.
It’s great to get the system out of whack, even if it takes longer to fall back into a rhythm.
It’s amazing to realise I am surrounded by some very beautiful people.
Ah life, you beauty
Spring time in Ireland is a funny one… it’s dry and it’s sunny but it’s not warm! Yesterday was the perfect example of such a day and just right to kick off BBQ season… it’s dry, c’mon- main ingredient sorted hehe.
So yesterday I took advantage and to avoid soaking in some damp off the ground, Red put up a hammock for me and then cocooned me in numerous throws. Ah bliss, bliss, bliss!
I did need a hot water bottle to keep me going though… Sigh, did I mention bliss?!
Roll on the summer and hopefully, some heat!
Ah sure, sun and fire do make for some craic (& smoked clothes!)
It’s Mother’s Day in Ireland today. One of the reasons I have always loved the fact that they are different in India and Ireland is I have 2 mothers- one in India and one in Ireland.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, my Irish Mammy and I are no longer in touch and haven’t spoken in months. I understand and appreciate her predicament even if I feel a little upset about her stance but so were my deeds at least as she is to perceive them.
I do miss her. And especially today, I would like to let her know she is loved, appreciated and cared for by me, no matter what. A beautiful lady, inside and out, she taught me about being genuine, considerate and calm in a way very different to my mum.
Love you mammy, here’s wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day.
Yesterday, I went on a date, a date with me!
I followed simple rules:
– no reading books/ magazines etc
– no constantly checking phone (was allowed to respond to messages and check it a maximum of once in 90 mins)
– no rushing through my meal
So, I sat in a window- where I could see the inside of the restaurant and the outside without turning too much and I enjoyed numerous cups of tea before I settled on my main course, with a lush glass of red wine.
Going in not feeling exceptionally hungry, by the time I finished my dinner, I still craved more and so (*the horrors*) ordered myself a few different tarts (lack of being able to decide which I wanted hehe).
All in all, it was a wonderful evening and it had been a long time coming!
Some interesting observations:
– Girls in their 20s remain as insecure as my friends and I were at that age
– There were tonnes of couples out for dinner and only a few seemed to have anything to talk about or seemed loved up
– I don’t understand today’s fashion
– 80% of people took photographs of their food (for once, I didn’t!)
– The moment someone was left alone, they took out their phone
– There’s definitely no recession in the air (it was NOT a cheap dinner)
– The food sharing culture seems to be on the rise and as an Indian, I love it
– There are some odd non-smokers who wanted to sit outside in the bitter windchill of -5!! (Seriously WTF)
– There was a lot of smiles and laughs around me and I am glad I got to enjoy that atmosphere
– Waiters aren’t used to people eating alone and kept trying to offer to charge my phone (it was at 80%), bring me reading material etc
– You do get the casual odd look from people and it’s worth it as you raise a toast to yourself with the glass(es) of red wine
Dare you to date yourself- it’s an experience you will NOT regret xx
Freezing, cold, damp March… you make me love spring for the longer days, the beautiful sunshine despite the constant need for me to thaw. But I love you, for after February, you are going to be another amazing month:
– a month of laughter
– a month of a wee break
– a month of change
Bring on the love
PS I actually came here to b!tch about a colleague who can’t be happy for what I have achieved so far, wants to thwart my plans and is being small minded but thinking of March made me realise I am letting someone not worthy of my time take up my brain real estate. Be gone with the negative, herald in the positive!
February has been AN epic month:
- Work has kicked a$$
- I have had surprise lunches, dinners, spontaneous plans that have been fun
- Attended parties, enjoyed massages, had dates with me
- Opened up some amazing conversations with people I enjoy discussions with
- Cooked some delish dishes
- Written out my plan for the next while
- Embraced some beautiful moments with friends and family
- Soaked in some rays
- Planned a new adventure
- Accepted (what feels like a million) wedding invites of people I care about
- Laughed, laughed and laughed some more
- Loved, loved my friends, loved my family, loved myself and loved my life
I am a truly happy person today, cocooned in happiness that radiates from every pore of me!
Told you it was going to rock, didn’t I?!
Hope you had a fab Feb too and here’s to an amazing March! May it be as brilliant xx
I live a life where I have almost two of everything- 2 black trousers, 2 black jumpers, 2 black pairs of boots, 2 pairs of black high heels, 2 sets of outfits for most occasions, 2 things of regularly used spices, 2 shampoos, 2, 2, 2…
Yup, it seems like a waste in many ways but there’s a lot of freedom in it too… I have the option to enjoy my buzzing, constantly on the go city life when I want and the calm, big garden oasis close to town; I have the option to have my own space when I want it and the option to share it with someone when I do; I have my own little woman cave and my own entertaining pad… the practicality of it is anyway amazing but the benefits are too UNTIL I realise I only have 1 thing of gelatin and it’s in my townhouse and I am too lazy to go back for it- I mean, it’s easier to go to a shop and buy some more instead.
Sometimes, there’s a dark lining in a usually silver cloud and I love this space to write about it, deal with the momentary obstacle and get on with my busy life
Boo hiss to no salmon terrine but boo yeah to everything else!
One of the few things I have been working on recently is ‘being in the present’.
I dislike the jargon feel to that phrase but it’s fitting for what I have been trying to do.
This week has been a real relevation that I have succeeded in it as I have had 5 people either come and tap me out of my own reverie, send me a message telling me I ignored them or missing something in the background that would in the past have been more obvious.
It’s kinda nice to live each moment the way I want to and ignore all the other ‘noise’ around it- I may not see all the other friends but at least when I am with someone, it is all about them
Here’s to more conscious memories, without a phone, without a selfie, without distractions and about really enjoying quality conversations and quality silences!
Tis amazing how many time in the last few weeks I have bumped into people who have more in common than I expected:
- Last weekend, almost everyone I met, there was a person in common. Some of us had even been at the same wedding last year
- Yesterday, my colleague told me about a call she made to someone I used to know at one point and when she mentioned it to me, I knew exactly who she had been talking about and was truly surprised by the way the call went
- A couple of days ago, met a client and turns out he comes from my sister school, sister college and we were in the same society, and both of us were within 4 kms radius back when we were in India
These connections and so many odd coincidences….
…. I feel absolutely amazing and am truly, madly, deeply in love with life!
Tonight… I spent tonight on my own.
I cancelled my plans, sent Red out, popped open 2 tubs of ice-cream, played a movie and just chilled.
Pure pure pure bliss. Something beautiful about an evening with myself, reading, colouring, movie-ing, eating, shopping… everything!
Loving life, hope you’re having an awesome Saturday evening wherever you ware and remember, take a moment and be kind to yourself.
I feel it in my bones… and no, I am not referring to the utter, bitter, horrible, freezing cold but to the fact that something magical is unveiling and I somehow don’t know it yet!
You heard it here first! Exciting exciting exciting times await xx
After ages today, I went for an energy healing session. It has been a very long time since I dipped my toe in this sort of a world.
During the energy, she asked me of the evil energy- so far in my life, I have only come across 3 times when I have felt it and it has been a VERY long time since I was aware of them so the question threw me off guard. I have really cleaned up my act in many ways and to find out that I was somehow still leaving myself exposed to someone else’s evil energy really shook me.
Here’s to clearing myself again but more so, ensuring I am guarded from the elements to avoid such a startling question again- fortunately, all the evil energy I had in my life is no longer a part of my life, despite the heart breaks that came with it. And now to keep it that way, inshallah!
I wish someday, we will all be rid of the evil energies around us.
Yesterday morning, I walked to the office as I often do. It was a blistery wintery morning- a little bit of rain and a lot of wind, nothing too unusual for Ireland really.
But wait, there was! It was also a little sunny. And I suppose being dressed for the occasion meant I could deal with the cold and the misery without much trouble and so I marched along with my head in the clouds.
And as I entered a park, I saw something beautiful, something almost magical and something I wish I could somehow have captured- I saw the wind blow the dew on the grass. It may seem trivial but on a not quite grey morning, it was a sight to behold and enjoy- I truly wish all of you get to see something so pretty yourselves.
Here’s to the little things! x
“So, let’s meet for a cup of tea” slowly becomes a lot of giggles, tonnes of laughter, honest chats, confessions, swapping of ideologies, one knows they have found a kindred spirit.
Today was one such day and I want to mark it, mark it for posterity about how wonderful a feeling it is to meet someone special, someone beautiful and someone so very genuine!
If there is one thing I believe in, for a strong foundation of friendships, these moments are important but they are better when they have been a long time coming… a friendship that sparks from the moment you meet is good but inseparables from point 0 fizzles as quickly as it starts and thus, I consider myself extremely lucky that it took us over 3 years, innumerable parties to have this beautiful one on one.
What a fab way to kick off this week! If this is what 2016 has in store, I am even more excited x
Filed under Friends, My Day
There are days when things so amazingly well.
There are days when nothing goes to plan.
There are days when one is buzzing with energy.
There are days when no amount of good food can pep one up.
And then, there are days where everything seems that extra bit beautiful.
Today, I am grateful:
– Grateful for the family I am born into
– Grateful for the family members I have adopted along the way
– Grateful for Red
– Grateful for the fantastic relationship I have with Red’s family
– Grateful for the friends I have
– Grateful for the fun times I have with my friends
– Grateful for my professional life- bar 2 bad moves, it has been awesome and those 2 have gotten me along the life path I am on today
– Grateful for my health- have my ups and downs but it’s there
– Grateful for dancing- one always needs to bust a few moves
– Grateful for laughs- so glad I have these in my life
– Grateful for music
– Grateful for books
– Grateful for being able to walk
– Grateful I can cook healthy foods
– Grateful I have led the life I have
– Grateful to have all the materialistic pleasures I have
– Grateful to have the disposition towards materialistic things I have
– Grateful to be spiritual
– Grateful to be grateful
Enjoy a moment and be grateful for what you have- trust me, it’s a beautiful feeling. Enjoy x
2015 will remain ingrained in my mind as one of the best years ever…
- Some fantastic holidays
- Great personal learnings
- Key achievements realised
- Good friendships strengthened and weaker friendships let go
- Put myself first and accepted it without guilt
- Meditated, loads and love the feeling
- Hosted some epic parties
- Attended some amazing parties
- Loved more than I disliked about the year
- Fantastic relationship with Red
And MOST importantly
- I have learnt to accept my opinion- it’s not about sharing it with anyone else or even acting on it but being at a place where I can see the facts for what they truly are
I am going to miss you 2015. Looking forward to an even better 2016.
I made a promise in Dec 2012 to never let any other year be that horrible and am delighted to find each year get better and better and better.
Happy new year all- enjoy 2016 at least as much as I enjoyed 2015. Love x
So I am going to have a 4 week sugar free period starting Monday and to stick to it, I am trying to use up everything for the various parties we are going to so it’s not me or Red eating it all ourselves.
One of my favourite recipes is these lemon bars: http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/bake-sale-lemon-bars
SOOOOOO bad for you but so good!
So for NYE, I have:
– rice crispie slices
– rocky road
– nutella and kahlua cupcakes with ferrero rocher toppings
– lemon bars
For the 2nd, NY celebration, I have:
– more rice crispie bars, different recipe!
– leftover lemon bars
– no bake nutella cheesecake- yum, you read that right!
How delish do they sound?! And I am actually going to share it too!!😉 xx
Honestly, I never thought I would actually outloud admit it but that’s the fact- we are all exactly alike, we want exactly the same thing and we end up doing the same things!
Here’s an interesting read someone sent me earlier today: http://www.girlfriendcircles.com/blog/index.php/2014/01/the-5-biggest-mistakes-women-make-in-their-friendships/
#1: Agreed. I bow down to the persistence of many friends who kept trying to meet more and more and eventually I did and today, they are amongst my favourite people
#2: Amen. Bittersweet truth- my friends have changed, a lot of the very old ones are around but many have changed, some I didn’t expect and some I did… c’est la vie. I have added in many new friends in my group in the last while too though so whoop!
#3: My biggest issue. I feel I am constantly making an effort and sometimes when I step back, I realise I was and so the friendship does fall off the charts completely or sometimes I realise the different strengths. Now I am in friendships where I take more initiative and some where they do… overall, there is a balance in the relationship that works for us!
#4: This bit is fortunately not true at the moment. Or so I wanna believe. Hopefully I will always remain mindful of it.
#5: Guilty. Absolutely do but I think I do it when someone makes me happy too- I exaggerate on both ends but mostly on this space or in my head. I use it as a form of justification for my actions too…
Well, this time it wasn’t a dream both of us had but once again I dreamed of the same person as a few days ago!
In this dream, I was out for a run with the help of a physio, with Red and bump into the girl I used to think was my best friend. She started helping me, much to my astonishment and so I asked her ‘why’. And she responded by saying “‘cos she cared”.
It was a sad and poignant feeling- I realised I still care for the two of them, knowing me- I always will and it’s sad it has come to this stage. While driving today, I realised how I feel.
Imagine a playground and in the middle of it, a glasshouse. In this playground, there’s a lot of stones, gravel and bits kids throw around and play with using the glasshouse as something to avoid. One day, a kid throws a stone breaking the glasshouse. It’s not the fault of the person who put up in the glasshouse in the wrong place obviously but of the kid who threw the stone.
I am that kid. Well, at least I feel like that. I truly thought I had achieved closure but right now, I wonder and I sincerely hope it comes soon. I am done with this sh!t.
Filed under Friends, My Day
Bring it on!
This is the first year I have partied as little as I have and had a total of 3/4 days at home but if anything, I have learnt a lot this Christmas season:
- I am older, I don’t mind not going to the new bar that’s just opened
- I can’t drink as much as often, I need more recovery time
- I prefer small intimate groups to big celebrations
- I love that big night out or two coming up to christmas
- I love the traditions certain groups have started
- I have an alcoholic theme to my presents this year, yup!
- I love shopping for others
- I love cocktails and prosecco, not always together
- I am very lucky to have the friends I do
- I am becoming rather domesticated with hosting my parties and baking loads of nibbles/ desserts
- Life is awesome
Have a fabulous, safe and very merry christmas all. Love xxx
Like almost every other Sunday morning, I woke up, stretched and snuggled into Red… and as I woke up a little bit at a time, I started chatting…
It’s VERY rare for me to remember a dream but I mentioned having a dream about 2 people I used to be friends with and cared (probably weirdly still do) about and imagining a complete parallel reality that would not have been true even if things hadn’t gone down the route they did. That was not so weird, I am doing my whole washing off and assimilating 2015 internally thing BUT Red admitting he dreamt of the 4 of us too but a different scenario- again one not possible either. HOW IS THAT NOT WEIRD?!
Somehow though this has helped me understand the whole situation better and find closure- I understand the role each one of us has played, how each and every one of us is at fault and how it truly started with me not listening to my gut the first, second or third time! I am glad I did NOT listen to my gut to ask her down for a weekend in one of the most beautiful houses I know for some R&R earlier this summer- to catch up, to figure what’s going on and to maybe make it possible to be civil. I know things may be nicer today but I think despite all the other casualties, despite the others affected, despite the pain all of us have felt, I am glad we all know where we stand and I can, somehow, accept it all.
Filed under Friends, My Day
Hehe, I like this…!
Any way, doesn’t matter the scale, go laugh! I have laughed a lot this weekend and hope you have to
So, last week I cooked for a tiny army and so was left with tonnes of aquafaba- my new favourite ingredient to play with!
If you aren’t aware of it, it’s basically an egg white substitute and is originally the brine from a can of chickpeas (or other beans but primarily chickpeas). Can be used to make pancakes, cakes, brownies, meringues and everything else with eggs in it really.
Today, I baked brownies for a friend’s surprise birthday party- risky to try a new recipe I know but it’s the only way I was gonna be baking tonight. Think I would add a little more butter as mine seemed a little flaky but here’s the recipe I followed: http://frieddandelions.com/perfect-brownies/
I would say the recipe would work well on its own as is but being in need to finish all the leftovers in the fridge, I used up the salted caramel to replace the amount of maple syrup in it.
Just took a test bite and I want it all! NOM!!
And this is what I want to use the frozen aquafaba (there’s just so much in the fridge!!) for:
And for the lemon curd: http://atravellingcook.com/2015/05/egg-free-lemon-butter.html#more-883
And perhaps for breakfast tomorrow- a good brekkie does kill a hangover: http://avirtualvegan.com/vegan-omelette/
Filed under Food, Ramblings
In the last 3 days, I have been caught in pyjamas 3 times when I least expected it but once, I chose to put them on (the least flaterring ones infact) and sit down with Red and a good friend of his!
Now I am obviously very comfortable with Red but to be so comfortable with his friend is a good feeling and you know you have made some right choices in life when you are surrounded by such folks in your life.
I am a lucky girl.
Today I am grateful for the love in my life- romantic, family and friends; comfortable clothes I love and a happy disposition towards everything.
And the epic 10 hour sleep I had earlier. Yes!! #winning
Earlier today I was driving home, shattered and wrecked- looking forward to my bed.
And then, I came to a stop at a red light in the middle lane and realised the guy on my right was indicating to come into my lane so obviously I acknowledged I would let him in but realised he wanted to ask me out for a drink.
Now, I have had men hit on me in numerous places but never when I am looking like a zombie and in pure sign language a metre and a half apart.
One way to feel pretty damn good about myself and go to bed on the high from it Feel beautiful world, you are awesome x
Genius is the person who dreamt up this bed- so pretty and so funky. I can see a lot of mess building up on it though😉
If only… Sigh!
… after the last goodbye!
Yes, I had one of those moments yesterday where, at a ball, I glimpsed a guy I was with.
Now this is potentially the only guy in the world I really imagined a future with and it went nowhere, I was definitely very upset and confused when it all unfolded. And I always assumed we would bump into each other at some point but just not at a black tie ball- the advantage there is we both looked well
So, re-applied my bright red lipstick, shook my hair till it looked just messy enough to be cool, in my towering high heels, I walked up to the guy and said hello. And then he rose, all the tallness of him and I recalled why I was so attracted to him- still an imposing figure, still a good looking face and still someone who could fill a suit well.
And then we chatted, we chatted for a few minutes catching up on the major aspects of life. And then we chatted about the smaller things and then we chatted of things we hadn’t really spoken much about at that time. And as we chatted, I realised he was a good guy (phew, I hadn’t messed up on that front at least) but an unhappy one (despite major changes since we had met, and all of them good, he still wasn’t content), with a few regrets in life and so, it made me appreciate Red so much more.
The moment we finished our chat, I knew it was time for me to head home, head home to the man I love the most, the man who stands up to me when I am wrong, the man who pushes me to be the best I can be, the man who gets silly with me when I want to, the man who scrubs up well and escorts me to all the fancy balls we go to, the man who makes my ‘ovaries swing’… I knew the story that started 3 years ago is the one I want to be a part of for the rest of my life and I am really glad I got the closure with Tolkein without ever actually needing it.
This IS worth stopping everything for:
You are welcome.
The other day I was chatting to my granny and she reminded me of the one thing she wants from me, she has been saying this for a decade and I have come close to being able to give it to her in the past but never quite managed it and of course, someday I hope to but it has to work for me too as it affects me greatly.
Somehow, this image below reminded me of that conversation:
Don’t focus on the burden that something may cause you, look at the wings it provides and take positive energy from it! Let everything lift you above and above and above till you can soar and reach the goal.
I love Diwali. Holi is my favourite festival but I love Diwali- there is something special about Diwali- the love, the brightness, the sense of freshness, the sweets, the family time… everything, the package that is Diwali is just awesome
Light a candle, pop in a malteser, eat a festive meal, drink some good whiskey, play some cards, hug your nearest and dearest and perhaps, take a moment to introspect and be grateful for all you have and plan for all you want.
Love, light and peace xx
Sometimes there are days and then there are days, every so often I like to make a booty call to my duvet and just go for it…
So would love a good day cuddled up in my duvet, with hot chocolate, having built me a fort and watching all the crap movies in the world there are! Sigh.
The month of October was a gratitude month for me where I wrote a journal for each day and why I was gratitude. Looking at it now I realise I am such a darn, lucky person!
And I had many opportunities last month to play the game but I am exceptionally grateful to take a moment and map out what I really want and what the next steps should be for me… it’s an exciting time now and I am unsure of where things will head but I have a pretty good idea of the path that lies ahead of me. I have a feeling 2016 is gonna be effing epic and I just cannot wait!
Bring on the excitement of the life ahead and the journey ahead… the change this week alone has been terrifying, tough and exciting and I keep feeling this is just the calm before the real storm and I know it’s gonna be tough but I am ready for the challenge… BRING IT ON!
Tonight, I was out for dinner with 2 of my best friends- these are girls I have known for years, hugged, cried, partied with, laughed with, been in hospitals with (not all at the same time), etc etc etc- these are MY girls. I am VERY lucky that I have a lot of such girlies in my life
So we did our usual once every 4-6 week dinner catch up and it was, as always, delightful, too short and once again, we had to be removed from the premises because we lost track of time. Yup, even after marriages, babies and such, when we get together, it’s still a little silly (on club oranges too, I will have you know- it’s all the sugar from the fruit, I tells thee!!)
As we were talking, I somehow felt I have come out of a shell, after almost a good few years, I laughed and slagged the way I used to, I talked as much as I used to- I hadn’t realised how much I had changed till I felt like this again- whether it’s the moon, the time of the month, the friends, the mood I was in or just the decision I made last week but all in all, it’s a pretty awesome way to be and I love it.
I am so glad I am on such a high… the high of life… long may it continue xxx
Often, we start on a path and realise we need to amend it but are unable to do so because of our ego, our belief we should stick to the original plan or some other influencing factor…
But sometimes, changing the path IS the best thing ever- I have altered mine and I am over the moon because of it. BRING it on! Whoop.
A few years I made a decision. A decision to put myself first.
This cascaded into minute impacts all over the place- they started off tiny but they were huge.
Some of these impacts I have been feeling guilty about… and some of the consequences I am not happy about, but that’s life and I understand it.
The longer I live, the longer I analyse the decisions I made:
– Was I right to move countries?
– Should I have said no to certain ideas?
– Would I be better off back in the corporate world that I left?
– Have I made the ethical decisions?
– Did I ever break my own values?
And yes, I made mistakes. Who doesn’t?
And yes, I wasted time following certain thoughts.
And yes, I let myself be influenced by factors that shouldn’t have influenced me.
And yes, I got to the point that I am at today.
A point in my life, where I am with a wonderful partner, a fantastic set of friends (many that I have known since I was 3/4), an amazing family despite all our faults, a great experience, financially debt free, able to take the holidays I want and enjoy most of what I need and yet, I worry myself with guilt.
FFS, Guilt, be gone. I am a happy person focusing on the right things in life and it’s time, I said goodbye to all things toxic- the past 3 years of cleansing has been good and I feel I might actually be at the cusp of a new inner revelation.
I love life. Especially on evenings after god-knows-how-many-months that I have actually managed to paint my nails and sit with them in the air while doing nothing else, guilt-free. Whoop!
As we get older, we are always taught to think for your own, not to care about what others think, follow our gut, believe our instinct and so on… Truly, they all make sense, self esteem, having faith in our decisions and making our own choices are important.
However, I wonder if it is truly possible to not be influenced by the people around us. If that was the case, why do the 5 people we spend the most time with affect us? If that was so, why do we hope our families get along? if that was the case, why are we all not completely selfish? Inately, it is because we are human and we don’t like to be all on our own and as a community, we genuinely look out for each other.
The other way, I was chatting about certain decisions I have made in my life and how things have worked out.. I would love to say I made the decisions all by myself and was not affected by the comments others made but that would be lying to myself. I was, am and almost definitely will be affected by what people think but I think as I get older, I have the ability to discern who are the people who truly matter- as life happens, some of my closest friends are not the ones I see most often, nor are they the peeps I speak to the most and there are others I have become very close to and care loads about but I know which camp impacts certain decisions for me more than the others.
With so many self empowering slogans flying around, I think we need to take a moment to reflect on all the support we get from everyone else and how weak we would be without them on our sides! Thank you to those of you who mean the world to me, who genuinely care, who truly want the best for me and still the best ones to go out on the tiles with. Love you all! x