Yesterday, after a very long time, I was at home in the evening, chatting to some friends I needed to catch up with, reading a book and just being me. So I decided to take some time out and focus on myself and see how I have changed, what are the good things I have taken on and what not so good. So overall, I am happy with the person I am, there are areas I need to work on and not wanting to completely beat myself up, I am gonna go with the classic sandwich approach and talk about the ways I have changed…
I am waaay better at prioritising things I want to do, people I want to see, goals I want to achieve, places I want to visit etc. Every time I am juggling a million things, I still seem to know what is the best thing for me to put my energy towards. For example, recently I had the option of going to a gig with a good few bands I wanted to see playing, horse riding, sailing and a party- knowing I would have way more fun at the party and the importance of it for me was the one I chose whereas, it would normally have been horseriding that would have won. Similarly, at work, doing my morning to-do lists and prioritising my focus means I achieve what I want to achieve! And definitely way better at ensuring I have time for the people I appreciate in my life and those who appreciate me. And definitely know a pair of Louboitins win over a whole week of healthy dinners ;) (yeah, I did that! I said I have improved not that I am perfect!!)
What used to be a very good skill of mine is somehow slipping away from me. I seem to have less time, too many platforms and maybe cos I am always in a rush to get it done, I don’t weigh what I am saying and somehow a few times, it has been misconstrued but never once intended that way. I definitely need to improve on this skill and at least go back to the level I was at it.
3. Quality Time
The busier I get, the less I want to party- partly because the next day hangover means one less day of getting things done! I am not a workaholic but I am a busyaholic and I do seem to prefer a good conversation and a coffee over a night full of cocktails. It also means that when I do have a cocktail full night, it’s great craic and I have an absolutely brilliant time!
I never used to be a ranter before- this is something new that seems to have come about in the last 3/4 years. Somehow it has crept into my daily life and I really don’t like it. I need to give out less, get less offended about things and stay more positive. I am an optimistic person, usually quite happy with the way life is going but when something peeves me off now, I let it affect me longer than it should. I need to go back to not caring about things I can’t change!
5. Self esteem
I have always enjoyed good self-esteem and self-confidence. These are not areas that have needed work or so I thought. I have further identified the values I believe in, the morals I stand for and the ethics that define me. These have become much stronger guiding principles in my life and I always seem to be working with as the way I make the tougher decisions in life. Where in the past I may have been more forgiving, a lot softer and definitely a lot more understanding, I make tougher calls with these ideologies and try to surround myself only with the people who are similar, things that match my way of thinking and focus on creating the life I want, full of positivity, happiness and contentment.
6. PMS Irrationality
Definitely the hormonal issue most girls can’t avoid… pity! I have tried a few different things to fix it but chocolate seems to be the only thing that sustains me through the 3 days of pure irrationality- I feel like screaming, I say things I don’t necessarily mean to say, I fight with Red (he’s a saint) and I cry for no reason. I really don’t like it but bar going on the pill and messing up my insides completely (& potentially losing any interest in Red), I need to figure out a way to deal with it. Something that has started in the last 2 years cannot define the next 2 decades pre menopause for 10% of every month!!!
I have always had issues with trust. My teacher, my dad, my bestfriends have all hurt me at some level in the past. I have been backstabbed a few times. The last year or so have helped me define my own boundaries for trust. There is only person in the world I trust and that’s me. Sad but true. I do have a lot of trust for other people but the levels vary and the number of people I keep in that group is smaller than ever. I care for more people than I have but I trust fewer than I have and I love it like this. Those few who are in that circle of trust have proven to me time and again that they deserve it and I know that the moment they make a small mistake, I am not gonna share. Earning my trust is definitely getting tougher and I hope this doesn’t end up affecting my kindness at any level as Red has taught me new levels of kindness in the last while and the few times I have tried following his principles, I have ended up getting into the odd mess!
I don’t avoid them anymore. I prefer to meet and clear out things. Texting, emailing and all these other forms have never been my preferred choice and now I do all I can to avoid it. I suspect a face to face conversation clears out more issues quicker than anything else. I have in the past preferred to apologise, ignore issues etc but no I prefer to just get them dealt with in a no nonsense manner and get them out of my way.
I am constantly understanding what happiness means to me and able to therefore amend my plans accordingly to keep my happiness level at almost always optimum.
It’s taken me a while but I have eventually found a balance- a balance between work and life, a balance in the ‘office’, a balance in my career, a balance in my spending etc. And definitely more spiritually balanced too as I have meditating more and doing more yoga. I dunno about vibrating at higher level lark but I feel loads better.
All in all, yes, I have a few areas to work on that have changed from before and a few areas I have identified that still need help but I hope I keep making amends constantly and hope most of them are for the better. Here’s to all of us being better people when we wake up than when we went to sleep!