So, as you know, about 6 weeks ago, I aired my concerns about my understanding of love. I have since spent a lot of time trying to understand what it means to me, personally. I realise this definition may not fit anyone else and it may change as I get more mature but for now, this is what it is all about.
Love to me is about the kind of fights I wrote about- maybe without the fear of actual physical abuse but with the passion of emotion that we shared. But more so, despite the hurt and the pain, it is about moving on from it and focusing on all that’s good.
Love to me is about telling the other person when they are wrong, not mincing your words and going as far as telling them things they may not want to hear. This is mostly to avoid the issue of groupthink within any relationship.
Love to me is very strongly about being two individuals- those who are comfortable within their own right, those who can speak for themselves, those who decide on their own but those who care for the other one’s opinion, who take into account the feelings of their partner, who looks out for a relationship more than for themselves.
Love to me is about silliness- be it a fit of giggles over something silly, a hug for the sake of it, a random present cos you thought of the person, a funny card… basically, a lot of laughs.
Love to me is about being so secure with one another that a third person feels comfortable in your presence- there needn’t be a show of constant affection, constant canoodling, constant ego-upping of the other person- the occasional putdown is pretty acceptable.
Love to me is about thinking of the other person when you are happy, sad, when you wake up, when you go to bed.
Love to me is about wanting to spend more time with the other person the more you spend it with them- sounds weird but it makes sense in my head.
Love to me is about knowing I am so loved and that I love someone so much we know when the other one is not being themselves and accept it and move on.
Love to me is about doing something because it makes you happy to make them happy! And realising that has been a big, big, big thing for me.
Will I ever forget the fight? Almost a year now and I can easily say no.
Have I forgiven the person who caused it? To the best of my ability, I have.
Do I still to heal? Probably yes but that’s not as much about Red and me but about me dealing with the trust issues I have.
And with that, I leave you with love. Love, love, love xxx