Tag Archives: Change

Cha-Cha-Changing!

Bring it on!!

change is never easy.PNG

I feel I turned a corner, not sure what the corner is or where it leads me to but I turned it and I am so so so so so so so excited about what lies ahead!

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Yup, we can…

Often, we start on a path and realise we need to amend it but are unable to do so  because of our ego, our belief we should stick to the original plan or some other influencing factor…

But sometimes, changing the path IS the best thing ever- I have altered mine and I am over the moon because of it. BRING it on! 🙂 Whoop.

brand new ending

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Every goodbye is a sad goodbye

When I was young my mother always warned me to not resist a transition- she advised me that each relationship will eventually change and the best thing to do is adapt with it. Most of the times, I have.

In each case, I have learnt that the other person has adapted too.
In those, where either one of us has been unable to adapt, we have moved apart- sad as it may be, such is life.

Each goodbye hurts, some more than others, for sure.
The ones that hurt the most are the ones where you realise that everyone involved potentially wasted their time because at the end of it all- no matter what, each friendship gives people something beautiful but sometimes you wonder does it all weigh up!

And then there are ones that despite having been dead for a good few years, keep showing up in some form and each time, the hurt deepens and doesn’t get better with time. I look forward to the day when I can look back at each goodbye with that sense of contentment knowing we all gave it our best, it wasn’t to be but there’s no pain on either side (not that I will be able to judge the other side).

In the meantime, to all the friendships I refer to above:
I thank you, I forgive you, I am sorry, I love you, Go in peace.

PS happy birthday FL, I miss you (or the idea of you, I dunno which!!) and that was a goodbye I never got to say.

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March into March!

And so I have.. after a whole month away, after a whole month of knowing how amazing life is (yet again) and after a whole month of realising how many of you visit this site even when I am not posting anything new, WOW!

So, with a new month, I am gonna change the format and not write the weekly recaps I have been- the habit I needed to form is formed and it is very much a part of my life now. Along side, I have started a new habit every night:
– Say thanks to the thing I am most grateful for every day- this is different to the 3 weekly ones, this is something more basic and something to do every single day
– Re live the happiest/ favourite moment of the day so when I fall asleep, it is on a high and I have thoughts of a similar nature.

So what am I going to blog about now? I truly wonder but since this started off as a place for me to write about travels I did, hardly ever wrote about them or a place to just vent and be me and then morphed into a regular diary of sorts… I am excited about the new change!

Here’s to marching into March, full of excitement, change and new beginnings!

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There, I admit it!

Last weekend, within 24 hours, 4 friends got engaged- that’s 4 different couples, even if the partners are friends of mine too and another one got married. For the first time ever, I wondered if the Sex and the City of all the women finding their partners and their love etc is something more real than not.

I have always admitted I want to get married, have a family and enjoy that lifestyle but not until I am ready- however, when I see everyone around me going down the path, I do begin to wonder, am I in denial or am I expecting some sort of a thunderclap?!

It was weird, about 10 days, my first ever boyfriend got married and that impacted me more than any of my ex’s ever! It truly got me thinking of an alternate universe where I wasn’t such a party girl, where I was married, where I had kids and where I wasn’t living my dream. Additionally, I went through a whole introspection of my 20s and realised I spent it having fun- I did none of the sensible things one is expected to do- I didn’t save, I don’t own property, I didn’t get married, I don’t have a responsible job etc etc etc.

And I also realised in 2015, I can have NO frigging holiday because I will be spending all my free time in weddings- 7 close friends and family at last count- there may be a few more yet! I had thought I had gone through that wave and was in the baby wave but alas, life has other plans obviously and it has got me wondering…

Is this the beginning of the transition? Will this be where I get cranky and nary about the lack of a legal name to my relationship with Red?

I will admit, I am scared about the future! Wish me luck, peeps.

reality

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Winds of Change

I feel the winds of change blowing- don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how. I don’t know the details but…

I feel a shift- a shift towards a more peaceful me
I feel a calmness- a calm that is not pre storm but the calm of positivity
I feel an excitement- an excitement of what is coming
I feel content- content knowing I have done my best and the future is exciting as can be

I am impatient, I am like a kid waiting for their birthday presents, I want the changes, I want to feel the wind and I am really really really looking forward to it!

serenity

Did I say really?! 😉 I truly, really AM! Woohoo!

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“Don’t change”

The other day I was out for dinner with Red and he was slagging me for being so fussy and then all of a sudden he went: “Don’t ever change that, please. Don’t settle for the second best.”

It got me thinking- often we settle for something less than we want and before we know it, it becomes the new acceptable quality level. So, remember- don’t change yourself either. It is worth being fussy, it is worth knowing what you want and it is worth having only that.

change from selfAnd if we all accept only the best, the world will automatically only be full of the best things we have.

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In the past year…

A lot happens in a year- I truly believe this:

a year

This time last year, I would have counted Tigger and Ryan as two of my closest friends, Candy & I were going through our own transition, I cared a fair amount more than I do about Chammiya, I didn’t really know Lady, I hadn’t met The Shrew.

However, more than that, I think I have finally understood why I hated 2012 as much as I did.

1. Of my trilogy of “best” friends, two of them were not there for me. The rocks and support I had were moved from under me and I felt my absolute core shift and me not understand it. I have always kept myself guarded in the past ‘cos of my dad- I let it down most to certain people and two of them used it to hurt me. And boy, they hurt me- not by getting together (I couldn’t be bothered by that) but by not realising that it affected my relationships with them individually. At no point, did they try to preserve the individual friendships we had but that’s the passion of a new relationship. At least they are happy. And hopefully soon, things will calm down a little. I do hope the image below always reminds me of the sort of romantic relationship I want and how I want to ensure my friendships remain unaffected so as not to be on this side of the scale.

relationship happiness

2. I felt I was more like my dad than not and I didn’t like it. I had ended my downward relationship with TL and been made to feel guilty. I ended my downward business relationship with Ryan and the guilt in me wrecked me. I felt I had walked out on 2 people who expected more from me, who wanted more from me and to whom I couldn’t give. I broke ties the way my father did. TSG was awesome in making me realise how different I really am.

Bitchology

3. I was with Roark this time last year and kinda hopeful about it. This year, I have been with Red for over 2 months now, we are not in a relationship and we may never have a future but I feel more safe and secure with him than I have in the longest time. He gets me. I do hope we are given a chance to figure out “us” but then again, c’est la vie.

when you both want

Last year, according to many friends I was stressed, I was wound up, I was scared, I came across unhappy and I truly lacked focus. I needed the year to build myself up. This year, everyone has seen a calmer sense in me- I have accepted my faults, my weaknesses, my shortcomings. I am stronger, I am softer and I am ready for the challenge that life throws my way- I have been lucky to have found some amazing people who have stepped in and decided to help me out. I am truly blessed. I am lucky. I have a fabulous life.

accept, confidence, fear

I also realised I have been second guessing everything, been looking for my father’s approval, been wanting to do it right and in the process, have gone against my instinct and therefore, ended up on a longer route to where I may have been going but hey, it’s finally beginning to get there- slow and steady eh? 😉

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Something happened..

The other day, during Diwali puja, something happened- there was an internal shift and I don’t know what. I felt something I have never felt- a sense of contentment mixed in with peace- it’s kinda difficult to describe yet it was nice- it felt secure, empowering and beautiful.

I have been trying to understand what has changed, why it has changed and how I should maximise on this amazing feeling…

My life is pretty amazing- with the friends I have, with the guys I date, with the laughs I share, with the work I do, with the love I give  receive… it’s all good!

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For the days that’s in it…

… these words are a good way to capture why some relationships change!

Be strong, believe in yourself and don’t settle for anything but the best ‘cos as L’Oreal says “You’re worth it”.

Also, till we don’t get rid of those we don’t need, we can’t add in those we do need! So, remember- cull! Be ruthless, be clear of your motivations and cull.

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Kick the towel!

I don’t want to throw in the towel or kick the bucket but the last few days have certainly made me want to do that….

The last few days have made me question life, especially my own- do I really want to be in the situation I am in? do I really want to be doing what I am doing? do I want to live in India or Ireland? do I know how to get the answers to my questions?

Unfortunately, when I am down and out- I am unable to focus on making the right decisions, or thinking rationally… I feel so let down by the Irish medical team, again. I feel so alone when I feel I can’t call anyone to bring me some food. I feel so alone when I can’t get a hug to help me sleep when I can’t sleep. I feel so silly for these feelings that I wouldn’t be feeling if I wasn’t on these pills!

There is so much to my life- so much going for me, yet all I can focus on is the negative- the downside of being away from my family the past few weeks, the downside of not having a job and the social interaction, the downside of everything, knowing full well that if most people had half the amount of stuff I have going on in my life right now, they would be on top of the world- have I really made life so much tougher to enjoy for myself?!

Do I need to change myself? If so, exactly what, how and by when?

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Magic vs Imagination

Go forth, let your imagination through 🙂

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Be the change

For those of you aware of the happenings in India, you know that currently, Anna Hazarre is the man of the moment- he is trying to get the corruption out of the system and that’s no easy task. I am not sure I agree with all the points of the bill he is intent on getting passed but I like the idealogy behind it- I have seen similar things being suggested in other democracies and them still not being corruption free!

There are 2 quotes that keep reminding me about getting to where I want to be and they always inspire me- 1 of them is even inscribed on my iPad- how geeky!

"Be the change you want to see"- Mahatma Gandhi
"I am starting with the man in the mirror,
I am asking him to change his ways"- Michael Jackson

However, a friend of mine shared this story today and it is so beautiful, so touching and so in line with the quotes I mention above. This is the sort of inspiration I hope to be someday!Today, I am reminded yet again, how long a journey lies ahead of me. Here’s hoping someday the generations that come are like the lady mentioned in the story above.

Peace to the world!

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What can we do?!

When I think back to 1946 and a group of students getting together to deal with the aftermath of WW2, they started AIESEC– an organisation to unite the world, to transcend boundaries and to exchange cultures and thoughts. To a great extent they succeeded, they have penetrated through huge societal barriers, they have created youth leaders, they have united a lot of people but the happenings of today make me wonder just how much have we really impacted the world around us?

Yes, I question this cult like organisation that has achieved so much and changed so many lives. But I also know if it weren’t for this organisation, things would be worse, much worse, infinitely worse. Every drop in the ocean counts and this organisation has changed many lives. I alone have been changed and have passed the effect on to some others and this trickles forward…

But is this the time to think of new ways of doing things- moving, traveling, working in other countries despite the red tape and bureaucracies has become easier for those with the means. We need to focus on a different level of the society now- the level that is inspired by all the images flashed on the telly, the level that thinks someone’s life has no meaning, the level that wants to reach higher but is not guided correctly. Programs like Junior Achievement do wonders, but sadly, they haven’t had the reach needed. There was another program in South Africa that tried to bridge the gap and I am not sure how it is doing now. I genuinely believe it is time to reach out to those who are caught in the gap between wanting to achieve all that they have been told defines success and not being told what needs to be done! But who is responsible for this? And how can we do this?

Part of me wonders, have we, as a society, gotten so involved in the lives of our own and perhaps, if they are lucky, the lives of our immediate ones that we have forgotten our responsibility to the community? I am ashamed to say I am the same- I don’t even know my neighbours- I may not even recognise them walking on the street! Is this really the way to peace and is this really way to celebrate life?!

I know I am ranting, repeating myself but I am wound up, I don’t even have a concrete idea of what we could do. Almost all my sensible friends are talking about it at some level, almost all  of them want to do something, but what?!

On a sidenote, I think people getting together to clean up is a great sign of solidarity- but the cynic in me wonders how long will it last?! And why do we need an atrocity before we get together, every single time?

I lament, what can we do? What can I personally do to affect a change? I wish I knew.

Peace to the world. May I wake up to a calmer planet- be it Syria, Libya, Egypt, India, Pakistan, United Kingdom or any other place facing some turmoil, any turmoil- natural or manmade.

In MJ’s words, heal the world, make it a better place.

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