Tag Archives: Rant

Nov 17, Monday: Gratitude

1. Friends
As time has gone by- I have genuinely learnt the worth of 5 awesome friends vs 50 good ones, even if those 5 awesome aren’t always around for me and drive me nuts! In the last while, I am reminded how lucky I am- despite getting pissed off with Ryan for jumping to conclusions & not wanting to clear the air, feeling abused by Jiju’s saali who thinks I have all the time on earth to do her work but none when I need help, a little underwhelmed by The Shrew for not having any time when I need advice, feeling exceptionally angry at one of the guys for wanting me to help with something non urgent that he was meant to do and messed up his time management (not as a request but an order!). I am so lucky to have the friends who will bring me homemade cocktails for a b!tch session, friends who will help me change lights in my car where I can’t reach or friends who help me strike the balance with give and take!

2. Rant
A good rant (See above) is awesome. I love it- get it out of the system and let it go… once gone, it can’t fester.

3. Exercise
A good stretch, a bit of a sweat, sore arms, feeling the muscles… yeah, it’s nice to be able to do that, feel that and enjoy that!

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Men ARE from a different planet

Proven FACT, today.

I drive ALL the way to see Red in a tiny village where I have no other vested interest to not be greeted with hugs and “let me look after you since you are sick” but “I am off to the pub, have fun”.

Seriously!?

If I was not so damn sniffly and scared of crashing the car, I would almost certainly have driven home tonight.

Hopping mad!!!!

If I needed to watch telly/ work/ read a book, I could have saved fuel, saved time, eaten something I like to eat, caught up with friends and stayed at home!

Men. Idiots. Fact.

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Keeping Up!

B!tch alert! If you are trying to be positive, stop reading NOW! I am just sharing thoughts about some ideas in my head that may not be very nice when down on paper…

I have begun to realise amongst a LOT of my friends (unfortunately, friends and not acquaintances!) that there is a certain tendency to “keep up with the society and expectations”- sad but true.

Case 1: 2 people who had no interest in each other, had nothing in common, decided they wanted to be in relationships that society approved of- now married.

Case 2: 2 people who met online for a date and some years ago, married within a year. Unhappy but staying together cos they are afraid of being alone.

Case 3: 2 people so scared to admit that their friends were wrong are staying together to prove everyone wrong.

When did we forget to put our happiness as the primary reason to get married?!

cos you join my weirdness

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Nov 26 Tuesday: A Brilliant Moment

I am actually gonna get my negativity about two things out first before I go on to the moment of the day!

I met up with a friend of mine after ages this weekend- he wanted to stay at mine for a few nights- all good. Now, when I stay at a friend’s, I either take them out for dinner or buy a small present or somehow show my appreciation- in this case, I ended up buying more beers and dinner or we went dutch at other times… and when he left, he didn’t say bye as it was early and I thought he was coming back to mine. This left me feeling a little used. However, having known him so many years, I am gonna put this down to jetlag.

And then Chammiya is in Ireland for a while too and I caught up with her. We were having fun, chatting away, she was being her usual obnoxious self and so on but what really p!ssed me off and I mean, really did was when she stated an opinion as a fact. She may not like my style of photography or art or whatever but to make it as a gospel statement saying I am a terrible photographer was something that really hurt. I really didn’t like that- had she said she thought I wasn’t a good photographer, I could have dealt with that- many think that, including Red! Each to their own but no one states it as a way of putting me down. I didn’t like that.

Anyway, ranting and b!tching aside- I have had a tough few days and a busy few weeks. I am shattered as can be and absolutely fatigued but today I was hit with a brilliant idea- an idea for one of the companies I am working with. This reminded me of the excitement of the first time I was taken in by the passion and tingles. The funny thing is I don’t recall what the idea was then, I do now but for strategy and NDA reasons cannot mention it, but it’s that feeling of pure exhilaration, the feeling of pure ‘this is it’, that feeling of amazingness that makes me feel so good today- almost as good as I did then! It’s amazing how little our feelings change for the same thing, despite the 15-20 odd years between the two moments (even if there were other such along the way).

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All about the Money

We all know I like some of the advice Denise gives- the other day I was reading her new book Get Rich, Lucky Bitch and her first advice was to write all the things about money that I remember since I was a kid.

This post is a rant- a ramble and probably makes no sense to anyone else but I just want to get it out of me and so here goes:

– I always remember not having enough- we were always hand to mouth it seemed
– I remember being given cash by my grandparents and being told to not spend on it on frivolous items
– I remember dad walking away with everything- money, jewellery, the effing rent too
– I remember not having enough to get an auto home when hurt
– I remember not having enough to have a drink with everyone
– I remember using money to impress people
– I remember stealing the money from my mum to impress people
– I remember asking people to pool in to buy the petrol for my car in college
– I remember feeling screwed by a certain business partner when he didn’t give me the agreed profit share
– I remember feeling screwed by a certain business partner when he didn’t buy out the agreed equity share
– I remember feeling screwed by a certain business partner when he started a business that was our idea and I was supposed to get a certain equity share that I didnt
– I remember feeling angry at the world for me not being able to buy the stuff I felt I deserved
– I remember always feeling like I was the poor cousin
– I remember always being compared to others
– I remember feeling angry when I went on holidays with a mate and he didn’t pay his share
– I remember feeling ashamed when my father made me walk away from a shop with a jumper we hadn’t paid for
– I remember feeling horrified that my brothers only hung out with me because I always had the money to buy us stuff
– I remember the days of kebabs and cakes I paid for
– I remember not drinking on nights out to save money
– I remember the days I used to sneak out at lunch to buy chocolates and call my then boyfriend
– I remember realising that some friends always take and don’t give as much
– I don’t like sharing a house so as to save money
– I don’t like not having enough to go on all the holidays I want to
– I don’t like not having a steady enough income to make me feel I can dip into my savings for a holiday
– I remember feeling ashamed about the fac that I don’t come from as much money as certain boys I have dated
– I disliked the way TL used to behave about money
– I dislike the way TL always expected me to pay
– I dislike the way certain guy is always very money aware despite the fact that he comes from money
– I dislike how my family always compare my success and achievements to money
– I absolutely ABHOR the way I have been made to feel guilty for all my travel and money I have spent on it- yes I know it cost me 2 properties/ apartments in India- so what?!
– I hated writing the cheque I wrote this week for something I don’t believe in
– I hate the way a certain sister in law made it seem she did me a monetary favour by working for my company
– I hate the fact that it causes my mother so much worry
– I hate the attitude certain members of my family have towards family
– I know I have been disowned by one side of the family but that is MY right- I don’t want it and it p!sses me off
– I dislike that I try to save on my budget every month and then don’t use the money to treat myself
–  I dislike that I feel guilty when I do treat myself
– I dislike it when I spend time worrying about money, even when I know I am on a decent salary
– I dislike wasting money
– I hate people who don’t value money
– I am angry at myself for not achieving my dreams
– I am frustrated I am not close to my dream house yet
– I am scared I will be working forever
– I hate my father for instilling me with a sense of insecurity
– I dislike that boys dumped me because my family didn’t flash enough diamonds
– I dislike that I cannot buy the diamond ring I want for myself
– I hate claiming something is not what it is
– I hate feeling guilty when I buy a pair of shoes I need just cos they are designer
– I hate feeling I have to justify every spend
– I hate not eating to save money to be able to go out (even though I have enough money!)
– I hate feeling I don’t have enough even when I do
– I hate always feeling I don’t have enough

I forgive you all. I love you all. Go in peace.

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And then, it all crashed down. Again.

Seriously, I sometimes wonder why I put myself out there and then I realised, if I don’t, it’s a constant crash. Sometimes I just have no clue what is going on around me and I go insane with the bloody analysis and conversation I have with myself in my own head.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

And the fact that the men situation is a bit rockier than ever, ‘cos as I said, I like Tolkien a lot and he has given me hope but it’s also scaring me (a good thing India is a week away and I have dates set up with both ChiseledCheeks and Salfa) and a bit of space will hopefully sort both the heads out.

Either way, thanks Tolkien for letting me know true gentlemen who I can have a blast with and be romantically interested in still exist! Hope you have a good holiday.

Rant over! Night peeps 🙂

unfold your wings

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Step out and go forth

The past few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride- may be that is why I have had the song Everyday by Buddy Holly stuck in my head…

I am moving on from my current company (it’s my little baby and it’s a tough, tough, tough move- it hurts, it hurts so bad!). But I am VERY excited about the next steps in my life.

It’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be tough, it’s going to be scary, it’s going to be busy but you know what, it makes me want to wake up in the morning, it makes me want to reach out and do to it things that I wanted to do in the current company and couldn’t, it makes me believe again.

The last few months have been spiritually draining, mentally tiring, physically exhausting, romantically depleting, emotionally upsetting and it’s been holding me back. Today I heard a Freedom, Abundance, Adventure webinar by Denise Duffield Thomas– I love this lady’s honesty and tips.

I made a few notes while listening to it (and no, I didn’t give it my full attention- oops)

What I want:
– Freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want
– Holidays every 3 months to somewhere without a laptop, without a computer
– Freedom to buy what I want, without thinking twice about cash flow issues (for example, that gorgeous Gucci bag that costs a whole month’s living expenses!)
– Live life by my own rules
– I want abundance travel
– I want abundance adventure in terms of explorations and experiences and friends
– I want to grow as a person
– I want to start new companies, bring more companies success and make things happen
– I want to be surrounded by friends and laughter
– I want cupboards full of healthy food all the time
– I want to not have to do my laundry, cook my food most days
– I want to support my mother
– I always want more coming in that I had imagined
– I want to earn lots of money and would eventually like to get married
– I want to get to the places I have been talking of for ages (Arctic, New Zealand, Egypt, Jordan, Cuba, Colombia, Mexico to start off the list)
– I want to be happy and stop being so tight with tension all the time!

Apparently, what stops women mostly is (points from Denise’s webinar- I am not sharing the link to it as I don’t have her permission but I will share some of the key points I took away- please note, these are not the same as what she said, I have tweaked it (if only very slightly) to what I know is relevant to me):

Guilt: I feel guilty for not being there for my family, especially my mother. I feel guilty about ignoring my paternal side of the family. After 11 years, I still feel guilty about my parents splitting up (irrationally, I know). I feel guilty about arguing with Ryan, even though I am right. I feel guilty about not having met the society’s expectations of me. I feel guilty of being alive when my first love is up in heaven. I feel guilty and I need to release it especially since most of them are not things I can do much more about.

Fear: I am scared. I am scared of what I can’t imagine. I am scared of being shunned by my closest friends. I am scared of risking everything for nothing. I am scared of the unknown. Weirdly, I am also excited about it- everything that scares me excites me- I used to have a higher threshold in the past.

Perfection: Not my thing, to be honest- I am happy with 80% in most situations but in some key areas, I do want 100%- when others let me down in those areas, I do get upset and beat myself about it.

I made a promise to myself in March to put myself first and though I succeeded in some ways, there are areas I can improve upon and since I need to Upgrade to Attract the Achievements I want in my life- I am going to start my making  more time in my life for my friends.

Knowing I am going into 100 hour work weeks means it will be a tough juggle but if I can combine work with the social element- it would be so awesome- 2 of my very close friends and I are going to meet every week to push ourselves and make our plans for the week ahead, brainstorm and together bring success in all the 3 ventures the 3 of us are heading into.

Today, I am frustrated that I can’t fly off to be with my family when I want to, I can’t have them over when I want to, I work with a team of untalented/ undriven/ unambitious peeps who can’t see my vision to make them and the organisation grow, about not having a social life I thrive on, about the weight I am at, about the clothes I own and the shoes I want and can’t afford. I need to effortlessly let go. I NEED to meditate more and often.

I need to stop thinking I will be rich ‘cos I already am.

I AM, because I say so.

I am now almost back in the city I so love, living in a gorgeous apartment with Candy and driving my awesomely amazing sports convertible. I have chucked out clothes that made me feel dowdy, I have new boots for the winter and 2 new pairs of designer shoes (so what if they are eBay specials) and I am decorating my room based on fengshui.

Today I am taking my life back in control again and hopefully I will do a better job this time round ‘cos I have already improved from the last time I said this.

I repeat- SUCCESS IS ME!

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Since I can’t…

SCREAM where I am, here goes-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

PS There is a small part of me delighted thoughts can’t kill ‘cos I would certainly be a few friends down today (1 whom I would have killed and others ‘cos they wouldn’t be associated with me after that act!)

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The Power

When I take stock, I realise…

  • I have the power to walk into a room and make people notice me
  • I have the power to command a room to silence by speaking
  • I have the power to get the job I want
  • I have the power to convert ideas to money
  • I have the power to command respect from some of the most senior business people in the world
  • I have the power to get things done my way, without using any under-handed techniques

Yet, a friend of mine not hearing me has the power to shatter it all and hurt me to little pieces and make me feel (imagine 1mm length) big.

When I gave Ryan the card, I did start by telling him how difficult it is for me and we gave each other a hug before he opened it. He read it, took stock for a few seconds, looked at me and said “Just tell me what to do”. Err, FFS- I clearly said in the card, let’s go for dinner, just us, no phones, no computers, no ipads, no nothings, just the 2 of us to discuss how we can work better together- how much clearer can I be?!

On the flipside, my friends have great power to make me feel better- Ryan’s mum and I went for lunch which was lovely, Candy and another friend of ours had a fantastically chilled evening and the Rower and I finished up with a nice cup of tea (it’s nice to be just friends!).

And I also learnt that tears are not saline water as I thought but (bad) hormones that need to get out… so there, get them tears flowing, ladies!

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Punch

“That man’s stress is this woman’s burden.”- I took this quote off another blog.

I so agree with the sentiment this mistress is feeling, sometimes I feel like the other woman in Ryan’s life.

For the past 3 days, I have wanted to give him the card I bought for him, I left it on his bed one day and then removed it- I don’t have the heart to give up something that is definitely likely to worry him a little till I know he can take it- he is SO tired and stressed that my heart goes out to him. Candy made a very valid point- she think I shouldn’t be a cowardly b!tch (my words, not hers) and should give it to him in his hand. It’s the least I should do. There was a part of me that wanted to leave it for him to find it on Saturday when he is alone in the house but I suppose I can wait till Monday night or Tuesday evening.

Adding to the list that bugs me, the most is potentially how he lives in the Urgent+Important box whereas I plan to stay out of that box so when something does crop I can work with it and neither of us is really willing to adapt. He is constantly expecting everyone to adapt to him and not willing to give and it has lead to many a frustrated work colleague.

I cannot, cannot, CANNOT remain a punching bag forever. I need an out.

On a different  note, I suppose the reason I choose my life the way it is, even if unhappily, is summed by these words:

At the end of the day, I care. I care about the organisation and the people who make it.

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Guilty EVEN when proven innocent!!

The other day, I had to make my annual pilgrimage to get my visa sorted. I find that a simple 20 min task to get both immigration and visa sorted spans over 2 days and is bl**dy painful.

Simple changes could really make things SO efficient:

  • Have one window do both the tasks- so what if they are 2 different departments?!
  • Get people to book appointments so they can do other things and don’t spend hours sitting there
  • Provide desks for those who want to work on the move so the productivity element can carry on
  • Why have someone stand there to hand out tickets? If they are checking the documents anyway, maybe they can figure a quicker way of processing them too?
  • Why not let someone be efficient by giving them a ticket while they go get a postal order- saves them time and has people out quicker- win-win!
  • Why not accept credit cards and not make people waste money on getting a postal order?
  • Allow the visa and registration to last longer than a year
  • Make the long-term visa quicker to get so people don’t have to do this annually
  • Make it possible to renew online
  • Treat people with respect- if they are in the immigration office, they are either working, married to someone who is working or studying here and therefore, in all instances, they are bringing money into the economy!
  • Maybe have a separate process for the different stamps or priority queues or something
  • And why oh why close the office of the second step so much earlier than the first step- it means, people have to return the next day and therefore, need 2 days away for this bureaucratic sh!te!!

Worst thing is the way the people treat you in there- even if you have all the paperwork, you have everything done right, you are treated with disrespect and piece of sh!t- it’s as if you are guilty despite having been proven innocent and it’s as if you are worse than scum.

Basically, it’s a horrible experience and one I truly dislike, especially since it could be so quick, so efficient, so pleasant for all involved. Is this what I pay my taxes plus the f*cking expensive registration fees for?! I mean, I paid a HUGE amount for a green card, and then I have to pay for registration and finally for a visa- POINTLESS!!!! Do it in one go and charge me an extra 50- the saved time is well worth it or rather, don’t charge SO much every single time.

 

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Is it backbiting?!

If you are releasing frustrations about someone to their mother?!

I just needed an outlet, a vent, a rant and because it was about someone I love to much, I didn’t wanna turn to anyone else and used his mum as a punching bag.

She was absolutely brilliant and gave me some invaluable advice. Here’s hoping I don’t need to pull the ultimatum next month to have him choose between a certain employee and me. Fingers crossed.

Night world!

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This is where the magic happens!

You know when people talk about magic, think about magic or dream about magic, it’s almost always a happy feeling and something, pun intended, magical. Something beautiful, somewhat whimsical, somewhat romantic, something that brings a smile to your face and leaves you wondering and more often than not, wanting.

Stepping out of my comfort zone was the place for the magic to happen and despite everything, it is happening. Yes, I am peeved off as can be, stressed as can be, cranky as can be, yet I know, as does Ryan, we are changing worlds and we will be the I team again, somehow, someday.

The magic I am wielding, feeling, living is darker than you expect it to be, it has not lived up to the ideals I had in my head. It’s not as dream-like and nowhere as whimsical as I had imagined in my head. Perhaps, the first 4 months were so good that it was easier to deal with but as time goes by, I realise I am out of my comfort zone EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

Every day I am walking on egg shells, around my team, around my staff, around my best friends so I don’t upset them and so this feeling of doom and fragility in me is not being expressed outwardly! Everyday I am facing a new problem and have lesser support than the day before. I know being on top is lonely but in the past, I have had my friends and family- now I have no friends or family closeby. For those at the other side of the phone, thank you, thank you, thank you. But sometimes, you need someone to sit you down and just make you a cup of tea, talk to you, make you laugh and give you a hug. And in this period, when I am getting absolutely no laughs, when all I am getting in negativity from every angle and absolutely no one is there by my side, I am beginning to flay.

I am tired. I am shattered. I am feeling the magic but slowly, being out of my comfort zone is becoming my comfort zone and a zone I am not happy about 😦

I can’t wait for the apprenticeship of this magic to get over so I can truly enjoy what the REAL MAGIC is- right now, it’s just an illusion and a far off one that I am finding difficult to believe in.

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My year as a country-bumpkin!

So, it was just over a year ago, I moved away from Dublin to live in rural Ireland. And what a year it has been! I know for a fact country living is NOT for me- at least not yet. I can see it someday but on my terms and in the manner, I choose. This is not it. Being a “Paki in a fancy car” and standing out as a sore thumb is certainly not how I like to be!

When I moved here, I thought it would be fun, a different experience, challenging yet exciting, For the first 3 months, it was exactly that! Then, I went traveling and when I came back, something had changed- things became weirder at work, I stopped having as much fun and it changed- and all for the worse.

As I mark being a year in the current company, I take stock of all that it has been and I am beginning to wonder if I am in the right place or is it matter of not being here at the right time.

Things going in my favour:

  • I enjoy what I do
  • I am good at what I do- meeting the deadlines today in the office are proof of it
  • I have brought experience to this organisation that few others could
  • I am happy with the role I have- I would love to make a few tweaks to it but I think that will happen in the next while, it’s a matter of me being patient
  • I have learnt to lower my own standards and expect lesser from others- cos few are as driven as me
  • I finally got myself a car
  • I know what I am truly worth and even though I know I am being paid a pittance of that, I can see it being worthwhile in the future

Things that p!ss me off:

  • I live in the f*cking middle of nowhere
  • I have NO friends close by- there are 2 girls I really like but I manage them and so it doesn’t count as I can’t just be the true me with them
  • I am unhappy personally
  • When I get into a half decent relationship, the distance completely kills it
  • I am not closer to knowing if I am on the right path for my life- I am so disillusioned right now that I don’t even know where to start again
  • I am away from my friends- I miss Dr F, I miss Tigger, I miss Candy, I miss Winnie, I miss Spartacus, I miss Crystal, I miss Curly, I miss Daddy Long Legs and yes, most of them are all over the world, if I had a few of them near me, it would make life so much easier

When I count all this, the negatives out number the positives and some of the negatives outweigh everything else.

How in the world am I supposed to not cry myself to sleep every other day when I am this unhappy?! Gosh, I can’t wait for the really busy period in the office to start- at least it will exhilarate me and not give me a chance to think and the end of it means moving back to the land of the living.

Today I had an argument in the office- what a way to celebrate moving here for work, eh. What upset me are so many different things that I don’t even know where to start:

  • I stereotyped a group that I have done for years and slagged them- he took offense and lashed back by saying “J hates everyone” in front of another work colleague
  • I was dismissed and something I wanted to say wasn’t heard- I am a effing partner here and I am treated like sh!t at times, we both need other ways to vent our frustrations

Seriously, why in the world do I feel I am caught between a rock and a hard place?! Is there an end to this in sight?

Why oh why do I after having as many friends as I do miss having a true friend in my life. Oh Winnie, I so, so, so wish  you were here with me. Oh Tigger, I so wish you were here too.

How many times can a person hit rock bottom? How much can a person be tried? How much can my will be tested? What do I need to get out of this rut?!

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Moan, moan, moan

Seriously, all some people do is MOAN! Why?!

Stop, count the blessings and stop moaning or at least stop making every conversation a moan! I use this blog to rant and rave so when I am with friends or talking to people, I am either only discussing things that are truly playing on my mind or having a laugh, cos it’s so much more fun and meaningful then.

Snoopy spent the whole week of her birthday moaning cos she had nothing to do yet she was out the weekend before, the weekend after and on the day- I mean, 3 different celebrations is pretty good going, me thinks- even I only managed 2 this year and we all  know how I love to have at least a few!

And she ain’t the only one, half of Twitter or Facebook or any other media seems to be ridden of people giving out- why have we all become so morose, depressing  and unable to think happy thoughts?!

What can we do to turn this tide and make the world a happier place again, anyone with ideas? I mean, London riots, Norway attacks, Bombay blasts… if we were all that wee bit more positive, wee bit more willing to take responsibility and do something other than moan & b!tch, there might be more peace and happiness to go about… or am I just being too wishful?!

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Miaow

How b!tchy am I?

Someone posted on their FB that they hate mediocrity and I felt like turning around and asking her what’s it like living with herself then?

Held myself back, rather proud of me- but boy, she gives mediocrity a bad name too! She is one of the worst workers I have come across in my life! Anyhoo…

Still not in a great mood today so gonna get back to work and try and make myself happier!

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Moaners & Screamers

There are moaners, there are screamers, there are the silent types and these are not the orgasms I am talking of, but the girls who get (and fake) them.

Apparently there are even 9 types of orgasms but the one I can’t stand is the one is the fake one, like the one going on in the room next to mine- she is loud and to a great extent, she sounds fake! And I get the feeling, she is loud on the days the guy needs an extra bit of love, she screams louder and I think, she does it to peeve me off. She has said it to him in the past that she doesn’t like me… I used to be indifferent to her till I realised I actually don’t have any time for her and certainly wouldn’t go out of my way for her…

It was so weird- I had the laptop on, radio on and doors closed and could still hear her- what a show- I think she should take on dramatics!

Anyhow, rant over. I know things about her that no one else needs to know and realise she is less of a person than I need to  care for.

Night world, hope we all wake up calmer and more peaceful tomorrow- Joy to the world.

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One of those days where nothing goes my way!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

I just needed to let it out- especially since my throat doesn’t allow me too.

1. Being sick doesn’t help- no matter how much I sleep, how much I rest, I seem to wake up with a thumping body ache, fever and painful throat 😦

2. I am sick and I want someone around me and I had thought living as part of a family and not as housemates would mean that when I am sick, I have someone to look after me but… that’s just me expecting too much!

3. Issues in the office- sometimes dealing with them is more irritating than the issues themselves.

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Filed under Management, My Day, Ramblings

Floozies!

Now, I never really liked the word “floozy”- to me, it’s very bimbosque and those sort of people don’t really come on my radar… However, these days, I seem to be using it a lot to describe the women my best friend dates- ‘cos, to be honest, snooty/ snobby as it may sound, that’s what they are- they seem to be empty-headed, gold-diggers, lacking in self-confidence… So far, I didn’t really dislike them- I was just indifferent to them and didn’t hold them in very high regard- but today, I think that might have turned against them.

For the first time ever, my best friend asked me to change who I am and how I interact with him in front of them- he thinks, this is being sensitive to them but I think this is completely ridiculous as it amounts to lying! I mean, if they cannot accept a friendship for what it is, because they don’t have the confidence to believe in themselves, then is it really my issue and something I should change myself for?! Especially someone I don’t care about. And the fact that he asked me this made me lose a notch of respect for him- I know he’s doing it without asking me to change in his opinion, but the fact that he’d rather stand up for some chic to get a bit of loving than his own friend hurt, and it hurt deep.

I might be overreacting here, acc to him, I am but I feel a relationship should be the same always- I don’t change who I am or how I interact with someone ‘cos of someone else… yeah, I may be a bit restrained in the way I show affection in certain instances but for the most part, I don’t change the way I am- the caveat being in a business situation!

AAAAAARGH- men! Sometimes, they frustrate me SO much. Right now, I am furious and exceptionally annoyed. No one and absolutely no one, tells me to change who I am. If you can’t handle me, you are welcome to walk away but there’s no pretence- what you see is what you get.

——– EDIT: 11/2/2011——-

I came across a brilliant article about how a man should marry a woman who doesn’t read: floozy in my world 🙂 .

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Filed under Friends, Ramblings

I’m proud to be a lady

And so are many other females I know who are proud to be ladies too but this never stops me wondering why is there an equality between the wages a man earns and a woman earns?

Now, I know I am more an exception than the rule where I get paid higher than a lot others in my field but it has come at a cost- a cost I have gladly paid because this is what I want and am willing to push getting married, having kids till later but there are many others who choose to get married, have babies, settle for less pay and are equally happy. I salute them, especially since I wish someday I’d have the courage to settle for less money.

(Disclaimer: I’d like to believe I am not a material girl but I do like my comforts!)

This blogpost tries to throw more light on the issue and it scares me to think how much we undervalue some of the very key services- a quote that I absolutely agree with:

“What’s striking is the high cost of femininity. Many traits that contribute to women’s success in finding a male partner don’t pay off in the labor market – and vice versa. As one economic analysis of a speed-dating experiment puts it, “Men do not value women’s intelligence or ambition when it exceeds their own.” By contrast, intelligence and ambition contribute to men’s success in both the “dating market” and the labor market.”

I find this particularly true for my case- I am ambitious, intelligent and a go-getter and apparently this makes me intimidating to a man! Go figure- they ask for independent women and can’t handle them when they see one! But I seem to be degressing into dating and love life here as for discussing the inequality of pay scales.

Why is it that even in the top companies (and I am referring to some of the Fortune 500) there is still a gap between what a man and a woman gets paid. Yes, women get maternity benefits. Yes, women need a few other considerations but then again, men get away by coming in with a hangover. So there will always be those differences in expectations but if two people are putting in the same amount of work and getting similar results, shouldn’t they be rewarded similarly?!

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Filed under Dating, Gender, Management

Menism!

So men feel that there are still expectations of them. Here’s my view on each of their points- I am going to rant, and really rant, so if you have the time, this is the moment you go get that cup of tea/ coffee, a few biscuits (I’ll take a chocolate HobNob please), put the feet up and read my rant.

1. Make Money

Who expects this? The women who are so busy earning so much that they don’t have enough time to spend it all? The women who are actually scared to tell you they earn twice your amount because it hurts and yes, I mean hurts, your ego? The women who are high maintenance but they maintain themselves and don’t expect you to do that- if you treat them well, they will stay with you but that does not imply gold shoes or diamond belts, it means just looking after us? What independent lady today asks for the man to be the main bread-earner? Yes, I want a guy who can support me but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop working or that I wouldn’t do my part- I mean, a relationship is meant to be two equals right. Two of my favourite idols in the working world are ladies who have stay-at-home husbands- so there. I personally would lvoe to marry a writer or someone creative so there is no competition and I can be at work without worrying about neglecting the kids I’ll have someday! I want a man to have enough money that I am not supporting him completely but it’s a partnership and I don’t expect a guy to fuel my need for designer shoes/ clothes/ sunglasses/ jewelry or whatever else I spend it on!

2. Win! Win! Win!

Again, who wants you to win? The same lady who loves you for who you are? The lady who doesn’t care whether your title says President or Manager or whatever? I do care about the passion and pride the man has for his job- but that’s because I stand mourners and usually men who have no passion or pride in their careers/ jobs do that because to them it’s work and a way to make ends meet which shows a lack of ambition. Ambition to me is NOT all about power. I struggled with this one for ages, yes, especially in my early 20s but now, I know for sure, I want happiness and I want my man to be happy too. So, who is telling you to compete constantly? Infact, today’s theory is all about not competing but working together…

3. Be physically strong

What we mean by this is open the jars we can’t open! Not be able to stop a speeding truck with your hand. Seriously dudes, get a life. You love to have those ripped muscles and that sixpack- personally, I like a guy strong and fit but I really dislike those really muscly bodies- I actually love the athletic look more than anything and so if that means, physically strong, ok, fine, I am guilty of it! Anatomically we are built such that men are more powerful but no where does that mean we want Vin Diesel (ugh).

4. Fix stuff

Yes, I like it when a guy knows how to get stuff from the attic, how to change the lightbulb etc but at the same time, that’s a bonus. For one, my brother is terrible with screw-divers, my ex-boyfriend was useless at changing tyres (though I suspect I was always the sucker and just did it while he laughed knowing full-well he could do it) but in this world of being able to hire someone for everything and DIY for all- it’s not just the men who this is expected of. We women have to deal with someone saying “Oh you are such a female” in a snide manner when we can’t do something- but you don’t see us crying about it now, do you?

5. Get it Up

Errr yes, this I do expect of MY man! Ok, not every single time- I mean stress, alcohol etc etc do have an impact on all of us but if you think we can completely ignore the physical side of a relationship, what are we if not platonic friends?!! And it’s nice to have all the words, the hand, the tongue and everything else you mention in your article but like really, one needs the real thing too, you know.

So men, grow some balls (pardon my French) and stop complaining about society expects from you- yes, you are a man but you can still define yourself or do you need a woman to do that too?!

P.S. I realise alot of what I said is taking an extreme view and that the article does try to do some damage control too but all said and done, this is MY rant and not for anyone else really!

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Filed under Gender

Seriously… WTF!

Who comes up with such ideas?!!!!

It certainly got the beach-goers attention all right but was it for the right reasons??

AAAAARGH- I am hopping mad at this!

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Filed under Environment, Ramblings

THE cow!

So an old school friend of mine just called me a while ago and we were just chatting about common friends, people we know etc.

He mentioned one of his close friends, who I cannot stand (for the record) broke her engagement recently and my first reaction (I know, terrible me) was “Did she keep or return the ring?” (It was a rock and I mean a seriously HUGE rock, did I mention MASSIVE? Get the picture?)

And if I had 0.01% of respect for her before I asked the question, I lost even that little shred when I was told she kept the ring. Now, how much of a cow is she?!

Or am I over-reacting?? Ladies out there, would you keep the ring??

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Filed under Dating, Gender

If looks could kill…

…there would be one VERY dead man in front of me right now.

Obstinate, stubborn, close-minded idiots should all not come in my path today!

In such bad mood now- I mean, make your point but back it up scientifically- or do you expect me to stand in front of a CEO and tell him “your company sucks at XYZ because I say so”- I mean seriously, people, did you leave your brains behind?

Or wait a second, did you just never get any?

I am beginning to think it’s a case of the latter, especially if there is a girl on the other side of the table.

PIGS!

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Filed under Management

Some of the things I don’t understand!

You know, there are some things I just don’t get…

Big Brother– seriously, what’s the fun in watching a bunch of people go about their lives and be silly? I am silly enough as is and I like to believe intellectually funny and not stupid- ugh, ban the show and others like that. The only thing worse? People who watch Big Brother!!

Lack of respect for time– if you have given someone time, please be there. A few minutes here or there I understand but if you have said 5 and turn up at 1030- that’s not really acceptable. AAARGH.

Letting doors bang– when someone is giving a talk and one needs to get out- letting the door bang shut is rude. Close it softly peeps- were you brought up in a zoo?!

Close-mindedness– Don’t agree with everything everyone says, but atleast be open to others trying it! Like seriously, whoa re you to pass judgement on someone else’s decision?!!

People thinking Gym= Sport– Gym is great for keeping fit and getting some exercise but it is NOT a sport. You can train in the gym to help you with the sport but it is NOT a sport. Sport (atleast to me) is something (usually) outdoor, involving exercise, and preferably a team. Cricket, rugby, football, baseball, basketball, running, cycling, squash, badminton, tennis- yeah, I would classify them as sports but going to the gym is not a sport, get it? Kapish?

This is in NO way an exhaustive list but at lest I got it off  my chest!

What are some of your not-so-favourite things?!

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Filed under Ramblings