Since I am now in a forgiving and loving mood!
Tag Archives: Trust
You know, the other day I bared my soul open (yet again). I talked of how guilty I felt, how I second guessed myself and how I haven’t always followed my instinct!
Well, I got this sent to me on email- thank you for the beautiful words and advice!! I love it
To everyone else out there who may be wondering if they are doing the right thing, take a deep breath and remember- TRUST YOURSELF.
The other day, a mate and I were talking about relationships- we both agreed that the best/ ideal scenario is when a couple can retain their identities as individuals and form a new identity as themselves. Also, we know that it is not too idealistic a scenario as we have seen a lot of examples of such in our lives.
However, I was chatting to another mate and they commented that an Alpha and an Alpha could never gel. For obvious reasons, this got my goat! We have seen how many posts I have written about the brilliance that is the combination of these two.
And this got me thinking… so here’s what makes a good Alpha-Alpha relation work and be awesome, in my opinion. A lot of these are good relationship rules in my head but then again- I have never understood a non-Alpha-Alpha relationship so…. :
– They need to be friends first
– They need to have their own interests and know what they like or don’t
– Their relationship needs to be built on trust, loyalty, respect
– The relationship needs to be well balanced between depending and letting the other person depend
– The relationship needs to have more areas of support than of competition
– Both people need to retain their individual personalities- Goes without saying, they need to have awesome chemistry
In other words, if two strong personalities can be supportive friends and also be lovers, it could really work. Idealism or realism, I am not sure but I like to believe the latter!
The down after a heady day is terrible! I have NO reason for it- I almost got exactly what I wanted earlier today- in life, forget anything else and I still feel MEH.
I know one of the things affecting me is Ryan’s behaviour- he has in the past 8 days, in 2 different conversations, managed to accuse me of something I didn’t do, unlikely to do and instead of starting off by asking, he has just outright assumed the worst. I mean, my own best friend is supposed to know me better. I know it’s not personal and something else is behind this but the fact that I feel helpless about being the mate he potentially needs and I feel angry about these accusations is not nice.
But since that’s such a teeny weeny part of the rest of my life which is finally coming together the way I have envisioned it for years, if a lot slower and if with a lot of strategic change, I should be absolutely over the moon but I feel MEH.
Why oh why?!
In the past 4 years, I have reinvented myself 3 times. In the process I have given away a lot of myself and found a lot of myself. I have laughed, cried, started companies, dropped companies, accepted jobs & offers, rejected jobs & offers, understood my worth, questioned my value but at least realised what I want and who I am- I am the person who gives up money, fame, etc for the laugh I can have with my mates- not quite a waterslide but well… close enough 😉 I would rather a hammock.
Apparently there are 15 things happy people do differently:
I know I am an eternal optimist, even if currently, my foundation has been slightly shaken, and so I am can’t help but evaluate each one of these- ‘cos after all, I like to believe, I am one of the happiest people around (at least in my own bubble ;))
1. I definitely have a lot of fear in me- the fear of so many things- the fear of letting my mother down, the fear of not achieving certain things I want to achieve, the fear of hurting people I care about yet I have a lot of love for the people around me- almost everything I do is motivated by love
2. I have learnt to not worry about things I can’t change and I suppose, in my own way, I define this as acceptance
3. I can forgive easy peasy- but I rarely forget and I know this is a huge thing but so far, I haven’t succeeded 😦 Someday I hope to learn
4. I trust those I really trust and once I trust, I am an open book unless I find reasons to not trust- the levels of trust may vary based on other circumstances too but for the most part, I only trust a very small circle of people- I believe in self preservation- I am not sure I have the energy and strength to go through the pain of being back stabbed ever again in my life
5. I am very ambitious- to me, my ambition is driven by the meaning it brings to my life so in this instance I am not sure of the difference between these two- to me, they are almost the same thing
6. I usually praise more than I criticise. I also realise I expect of others the same levels I expect of me- not a good thing, ‘cos I am setting myself up for failure- no one else. I need to stop finding the small things that bug me and truly enjoy the small things that make me smile- like a hug from my niece Anarkalli
7. I love challenges, I thrive on them- my current challenge is dealing with all the challenges that I am facing together
8. I am definitely not the most selfless person around but then I can’t think of anyone who is completely selfless- everything is driven by some sense of want or need and doesn’t that inherently mean some level of selfishness?
9. Despite my meagre income currently, I am abundantly surrounded by the love, laughter, friends that I really need- if my trip to India was anything to go by, I have learnt even more how lucky I truly am
10. Who defines our reality?! This is a discussion Roark and I seem to be having on a very regular basis these days as we both try to define our reality as a potential couple but yeah, in the meantime let’s keep dreaming
11. I believe I am considerate and this is my way of showing kindness- I may not give the homeless food but I like to believe I always have a nice word for the people I come across
12. I am very grateful for a lot of the things I have in my life- even if I do take some things for granted every so often! Thank you dear universe, once again, for all that I have- especially, my health- the past few scares have been well, very scary
13. I don’t always succeed in this instance- I often go too many steps forward in my own head, I go off tangents, I analyse the past, I think of all the potentials in the future and yeah, often I do enjoy the moment but at the moment, I am truly failing at this one
14. I am an optimist- no doubt here!
15. I do tend to blame (more often something within my myself than not) but still there is room for improvement here
Wow- if I make the changes I obviously can, I wonder how I will handle all this happiness! Hopefully, I will manage to improve on my weaknesses and spread more happiness, smiles and laughs in the world…
And I personally think, happier people hug more- they like hugs, they like showing the people around them they care and after all, hugs are therapeutic!
Here is another article re 15 things to give up to be happy– not sure I completely agree on all of them either but that’s for another day!
Apparently, an area I have an issue with. And one I would be keen to deal with, obviously.
However, the more I have pondered over this topic, the less I see it being an issue. I have an inate sense of reading people and deciding on their worth (in my life) and those that deserve love, get it- freely. Let’s take Candy, for example- technically, only known her 2 months, yet today she is someone I would have absolutely NO qualms about being open and honest with. And she obviously feels the same way as she has asked me to be a part of the bridal party.
I mean, i don’t think everyone needs to know everything. And yes, I find it tough to let everyone know everything but that’s ‘cos of who I am- I am a senior person in a company that’s in a tiny country where everyone knows everything and in the bigger country, I come from a family that is bloody well-connected too and so news travels… either way, I am aware of the fact that I am not a nobody and honestly, I never want to be and I want to avoid stories about me doing the rounds so I just take it easy and open to those few that deserve it!
Yes, there are people in my lives who have known me forever and don’t deserve an inch of that absolute openness because they can’t keep my life private- not ‘cos they think they don’t think it’s sensitive or anything but to them, it’s nothing to be private about but why should anyone know everything? There are layers to me no-one knows, including me! There are aspects to me few know and they are the only few who need to know. There are some who know me well and accept me for what I am.
So yes, I may not trust everyone but then, I don’t think anyone should.
For those of you who know me, what do you think? Is trust an issue for me and if yes, how is it an issue?
Ok, so maybe everyone isn’t guilty but then again, trust isn’t about innocence, it’s a reward to be earned and everyone’s gotta work a way to build it up. Simple as.
To me, trust is one of THE fundamental pillars of a good relationship- be it between friends, between partners, between colleagues, between two beings- and not one to be taken lightly.