Tag Archives: Dating

The Social Pressure

You know, in India, I expect the pressure- it is inherent in our society:
“When will you get married?”
“When will you have kids?”
“When will you do X?”
“When…?”
“When…??”
“When…???”
It’s only natural. In fact it is one of the main reasons I feel I cannot live back home- I feel I am always trying to prove something, live the lives they want me to lead and am a constant rebel. Being a black sheep far away is much much much easier!

Last few months, I have started feeling the pressure here. And it’s not from my family but oddly from Red’s. I am absolutely flattered and overjoyed they want to make me an official part of the family. I am delighted they care so much about us and approve of us- getting a call from Red’s mum when he is away and she needs to tell him something is a testament that I am seen and accepted as his partner.

I needed to vent and get it out of my system to be able to accept the questioning again tomorrow- them old grandparents aren’t too good at remembering they asked me this question today! Sigh, the joys of having to see them without Red…Life, eh! At least this one has a HUGE silver lining 🙂

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Ramblings

So, this happened!

Earlier today I was driving home, shattered and wrecked- looking forward to my bed.

And then, I came to a stop at a red light in the middle lane and realised the guy on my right was indicating to come into my lane so obviously I acknowledged I would let him in but realised he wanted to ask me out for a drink.

Now, I have had men hit on me in numerous places but never when I am looking like a zombie and in pure sign language a metre and a half apart.

One way to feel pretty damn good about myself and go to bed on the high from it 🙂 Feel beautiful world, you are awesome x

Leave a comment

Filed under My Day

The year of 13 weddings!!

Yup, you read that right! It’s been a busy year for love.
Fortunately, we managed to choose the ones most important and relevant to us and went to only 6.

ONLY 6 eh!
Weddings are a good day out but they sure take their toll!
Financially- pretty expensive for the attendees and even more expensive for the couple getting married-it’s an insane money making racket! The diamond ring, the white dress, the whole shebang- fantastic marketing ploy.

It was a tricky one when we had 3 weddings in 3 different locations in 2 different countries on the same day. Unfortunately, Red won that round and so we went to his friends- compromise, compromise, that’s what it’s all about! (The funny bit though was knowing that 2 of those couples and another couple whose wedding we had been at a few weeks earlier had- all ended up in the same country for their honeymoon hehe!)

The best thing about the days is that whether you care for the couple much (in one case, I didn’t really know them well!) or whatever you may think of them, you do get all involved in genuinely wishing them well and hoping it all works out for them and you truly have a great time just celebrating their love and relationship.

Each wedding was great craic with obviously my brother’s being my favourite!
There was one wedding I was a little apprehensive of- there were 2 people I was exceptionally close to- the guy said one statement one day that made me question if there was ever a friendship and I think on its own I could have handled that but when she meddled, dragged Red in and said things to him about me that caused the worst night of my life, I decided to move away and keep my distance. Being the forgiving sort, I decided to let it be and just not be very friendly ever again and I was really glad I stayed that way- considering I hadn’t heard from those guys at all since that night, I was delighted when all of us could be mature adults and enjoy a good chat in civility without once crossing the border to showing any real bond on the day. I was definitely surprised when the next day it all fell apart- personally I was more surprised that anyone would have time to focus on anything but their new spouse on the day after their wedding! I knew then there was no going back and I was willing to accept that too. But today, something made me question it all… I am all for civility and so is Red but there’s them still remaining connected to him and speaking to him and I am exceptionally proud of him to be civil and still maintain a relationship, even if a part of me is aware to the outside world it could read as him  not supporting my stance. Or is it just that we are different and realise everyone has their faults, choose to work around them and still be nice to people, knowing full well things have changed?! Or are we just naive??

Even thought that post wedding memory will always stick out the most, all the wedding memories (blame the drunken brain) gel into each other, I remember some epic parties, some fun times, some great chats, some silly ideas and lots of dancing- lots and lots of dancing! I must admit I am delighted we have so many friends falling in love and declaring it so romantically but I must also admit I am looking forward to a bit of a calm before the 2016 weddings take off! All this partying… tiring work, I tells thee!! I think I am still not recovered and it’s been a week since the last one we were at.

Leave a comment

Filed under Ramblings

Something beautiful

So the other day I was talking about the end of a very close friendship to another friend.

For obvious reasons, I am sad- it’s a huge part of my life and I do feel sad that thing went this sour but they do make for great memories.

She said to me, “The best way to look at it is that for each of you, the most beautiful thing of your lives emerged from the embers of this friendship.”

That’s such a beautiful thought!
#lookatthesilverlining

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Friends

The emotional vs logical scare

Ever been in a fight where you were scared of being beaten up?
Ever been in an argument so bad that the taxi driver wanted to call the cops for one’s safety?
Ever been in a scenario where one is so scared that it’s only some perverse sort of faith that lets you realise it’s a certain mix of words from others, anger, hurt, disdain and alcohol. Or is this love?

When it happened, I cried for ages and I knew the words he had said to me weren’t his but those of someone he had spent a long time talking to, the anger wasn’t directed at me per se but he needed to lash- all this made sense at a logical level yet it hurt, it hurt more than most things have in life. Through it, I cried to my friends, I re-evaluated certain people and their so-called motivation to help, I re-evaluated our whole relationship- trust me, this is tricky when you are trying to keep it hidden from the world beyond. I considered moving countries, I considered running away the way my father did, I considered many exit routes and knew none of them make me as happy as good day with Red. I would have survived, I would have found someone else eventually, I would have created a new circle of friends and a new life but I knew, I knew it wasn’t him. Logically I knew I had nothing to fear and emotionally I knew he would never hurt me, yet I was upset and I cried.

Recently the person who had instigated this kinda came back into the periphery of my life and once again, the wound was reopened. This time, it was way trickier as I was once again, having to put on a happy face and deal with it internally. Red and I have spoken about this in length since, he has understood the deep pain I was caused, the person who instigated it remains clueless and I have no intention of changing that but I wonder if this is what love is- despite the worst pain, you know the person doesn’t mean to hurt you, contrary to what it may look to the outside world. Or is this stupidity? I know we are in a much stronger place together as this situation could have risen again but we knew how to handle it much better this time. The fact that a previous hurt I had dealt with is coming back to haunt me is making me question things I was very content with and I am very confused about what I should be doing (again!).

I am SO confused- he is such a good person, he cares for me deeply, he makes me smile by just saying hey or making his presence known, he tells me when I am wrong, he inspires me to be a better and kinder person, makes me follow my dreams and shares his with me, takes advice off me and in all respects, we are a solid team but this deep, deep pain, which is technically not his fault, needs to be dealt with and I don’t know how!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Men ARE from a different planet

Proven FACT, today.

I drive ALL the way to see Red in a tiny village where I have no other vested interest to not be greeted with hugs and “let me look after you since you are sick” but “I am off to the pub, have fun”.

Seriously!?

If I was not so damn sniffly and scared of crashing the car, I would almost certainly have driven home tonight.

Hopping mad!!!!

If I needed to watch telly/ work/ read a book, I could have saved fuel, saved time, eaten something I like to eat, caught up with friends and stayed at home!

Men. Idiots. Fact.

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Being in Love

The other day, one of my many aunts and I were having a conversation on love. She said the 5 things that define long term love are:

– do we like each other’s natural smells?
– do we have fun together?
– do we still want to spend time with each other after a whole load of 24/7s?
– do we know each other’s irritating habits and can we tolerate each other when the other one is angry/ emotional/ irrational?
– do we have a similar value base?

While that may be the practical 5 step guide, I think a simple test is doing something that makes the other person happy a way of making yourself happy? If so, you are in love…

falling in love

1 Comment

Filed under Dating

Sep 24 Tuesday: A Brilliant Moment

Yesterday I saw a pic of SL in the newspaper and it reminded me of the many good times we shared.

Whether it was a surprise trip on a boat to help me keep my get out once a month promise, or
Whether it was a trip to F1 for  my birthday, or
Whether it was an overnight picnic on a secluded beach. or
Whether it was the laughs and the conversations we shared…

Seeing his unchanged smile, seeing him happy, seeing him following his passion I was reminded of us, the 5 years we spent together, the years we wasted to some extent but the years that probably made both of us the people we are together.

Can’t wait for our next catch up, wherever it may be, SL.All the best and love.

Leave a comment

Filed under Weekly Memory

Jun 25 Tuesday: A Brilliant Moment

I try to use this time to find a moment that’s far back in memory and refresh it but today I am going to go with one from last week cos to me, it meant a lot.

I love hammocks. Yeah, I know I am crazy.

For the past 18 or so months, I have had a hammock just lying around ‘cos I haven’t had the space for it. The other day Red offered to help me put it up in  my back garden.

To me, him making it happen (without too many reminders from me), caring enough to go to the hardware store a few times to get it just right, knotting/ unknotting & reknotting the strings to balance it on both ends was just the thing I needed to feel cared for.

I have to admit, I really like Red and am not sure where we are going, partly because I think neither of us knows what either of us wants but I am having so much fun, I don’t care.

Leave a comment

Filed under Weekly Memory

Meeting the Parents?!

So… next month is going to be a little interesting… I know for a fact things have changed a little for Red and me but it seems, I am finally going to an event with his family. So far, I have met the friends and the sibling but this is scary and exciting.

I know for a fact that for once, my nationality will probably work in my favour rather than against! After 5 years with SL and dealing with his parents, I am tired of it all!!!!

On a different note, I am a little annoyed at one of my mates going on about another mate’s mother and her apparent issue with the non Irish! Seriously, people need to get over this and chill out.

But yeah, I know in Ireland, at least in out current “relationship situation”, meeting the parents is not a big deal but I am Indian, and to me, it is still a step in a different direction, even if its only in my head. Either which way, I am looking forward to it- they sound like a fun bunch to be around!

One day at a time….relationship status = dont know

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, Dating, Family

‘cos we are different

I love the fact that Red and I have such an unusual friendship- last night at 330 am, we decided to go for a walk up to Bray just to overlook Dublin and its lights. It was absolutely freezing and I was rotten cold but it was so good to just spend some time with him, have the banter, share a few laughs and talk about all the things that are happening in our lives!

And then, us being us, of course we kept talking and so ended up at his and went to bed early morning, only to wake up to go see a friend of ours do this thing called “autotest”- the test word threw me off and I had no clue why we were going to cheer a mate getting a license but went along and realised it was kinda track racing and it was great craic altogether- we saw 3 of the 12 rounds and I had had my fill- it was something different for a saturday afternoon and I am glad I went along!

Between pigs, the random banter, the unusual activities we get up to and the laughs we share, I am so glad we don’t follow the traditional route and are having an absolute blast!

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Friends

Why define?!

So… Red and I have been kinda seeing each other for almost 3 months- according to everyone else we are a couple but if anyone asks us, we both deny it.

WHY?
Is it cos we are commitment phobes?
Is it cos neither of us wants to rock the boat?
OR *shock horror*
Neither of us cares to define it.

not every girl wants a relationshipHonestly, Red and I have a laugh every time we are together, we turn to each other when we need support, we have fabulous chemistry and we are comfortable with the way things are- WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE NEED TO DEFINE IT?

And even more importantly- WHY DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THEY HAVE A SAY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP?!

Am I being unreasonable or just way too mature?! Hehe 😉

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, Dating

An alpha and an alpha

The other day, a mate and I were talking about relationships- we both agreed that the best/ ideal scenario is when a couple can retain their identities as individuals and form a new identity as themselves. Also, we know that it is not too idealistic a scenario as we have seen a lot of examples of such in our lives.

However, I was chatting to another mate and they commented that an Alpha and an Alpha could never gel. For obvious reasons, this got my goat! We have seen how many posts I have written about the brilliance that is the combination of these two.

And this got me thinking… so here’s what makes a good Alpha-Alpha relation work and be awesome, in my opinion. A lot of these are good relationship rules in my head but then again- I have never understood a non-Alpha-Alpha relationship so…. :

– They need to be friends first
– They need to have their own interests and know what they like or don’t
– Their relationship needs to be built on trust, loyalty, respect
– The relationship needs to be well balanced between depending and letting the other person depend
– The relationship needs to have more areas of support than of competition
– Both people need to retain their individual personalities- Goes without saying, they need to have awesome chemistry

In other words, if two strong personalities can be supportive friends and also be lovers, it could really work. Idealism or realism, I am not sure but I like to believe the latter!

perfect relationship

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

A guy “SHOULD”

I cannot believe I have become one of those ladies who actually thought “A guy should…” I mean seriously- WHY?! I have always scoffed at people who expect the other partner to know what to give and what to do without the girl telling him!

I am a little sick and feeling cranky and wanting my mother, so for obvious reasons I would like Red to look after me but he doesn’t know that. He knows I am a little sick but to him, that’s probably reason to stay away. And in his state of shyness (endearing and irritating, all at once!!), he is obviously not likely to reach out. I do know for a fact that if I was with him and then started feeling sick, he would move all he could to mind me.

All my other friends think he SHOULD come over and mind me or at least offer to- a part of me wants him to, yes BUT is it fair to expect that? Especially when I am being the one holding back from sending him a text ‘cos in my head I want him to reach out to me now- ‘cos even though I know he cares for me, I need him to somehow make me believe we both want this! (And maybe that’s why I haven’t told him to look after me!!)

fight for her

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Falling slowly

4 weeks ago, I moved on from Tolkien, at least that is when I mark it in my head.
3 weeks ago, I got together with a guy I have known for about 3 years, been out with a few times but well, never really gotten to know… from henceworth, I shall call him Red

For the past 3 weeks, we have been having many non-date dates, and I know they make no sense but hey, that’s the way it is in my head and I suspect his. For all the various factors that are involved, I know it’s a risk. The more time I spend with him, the more I like him. And I am scared- scared of getting hurt but this time, willing to fall and take the chance.

I am going to just let go and enjoy this journey!

be wild for a moment

And this is where I normally tend to get messed up and spoil a relationship so I better learn to just maintain my distance and see how it goes…

PS- Today, my wish came true- I felt really lazy, tired and cranky and was pampered by Red!
PPS- From my list– only 2 missing and they are not huge deals, to be honest- so basically, Tolkien may have opened me to the possibility, I feel more comfortable with Red as he checks all the essential ones. (2 men who meet my list in 6 months- way to go, universe!)

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Harry vs Tolkien

So, today I met up with Harry for a coffee- remember Harry from early 2011? He was interested, I wasn’t sure and then I knew I wanted nothing… well, we have kept in touch and we go for a coffee every so often and we are friendly- I am obviously a much closer friend of his than he is of mine and for some reason, he has NO concept of personal space- seriously, like, seriously- if we go to the cinema, I am huddled up in a corner usually ‘cos half his body is on my seat, he sits as if we are a couple and I move away and pretty much all my body language resents him implying/ wanting anything more than him as a mate.

But well, since Tolkien is being, well, difficult (even though he did text me at 9 am today!), I was evaluating the two extremes. With Tolkien, my body language is different- when we are in the cinema, we sit sorta into each other’s space, we are usually touching at some level when we are sitting together and pretty much both of our body languages imply a more-than-platonic connection.

With Harry- I will always be on a pedestal, I will always be looked after, I will have no craic, I will be bored but I will be worshipped!

With Tolkien- I will always be wondering, I will always have to fight my way, I will have fab craic, I doubt I could be bored but I will be content!

Being worshipped & bored vs being content & having the lolz- I think it’s a no brainer.

Be someone

With Harry, I am arguementative and I take controversial stances- just to get him to get out of his closemindedness.

With Tolkien, I am myself and I am happy. So if I follow the pic, I am happy and with someone who makes me happy so yeah, once again, no contest.

This is why I don’t settle- I know there are men like Tolkien out there- a rare breed but there nevertheless- will we be together- who knows? But as I said a few days ago- Tolkien has given me hope and made me believe that there is someone out there who meets my insane requirements and can make falling in love again a real possibility. And keep it easy, without the games!

PS Both men are NTs and one is willing to meet halfway, guess which one- shows how he is willing to change to be more like a man I would rather be with and still nowhere close!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Love/ Hate

And no, I am not referring to the TV series!

I have a love/ hate with ‘NT’s- Tolkien is driving me nuts- till Saturday night, it was full on and then, it just went quiet- now, I will be surprised if anything happened in the meantime, but still… it’s weird to go from 100 to 0, like that, with no explanation. So f*cking NT.

Infact very NT!

While talking to a friend, she told me that we always know that this is the one place they don’t meet us halfway- they show us they care and everything else but they forget that NFs need a different form of caring and they are just, well NT! Totes NT. Always NT.

And when I questioned why do I always go for NTs and why do I adore them so- she reminded me they keep us on our toes and I love it. So yeah, feck off Tolkien- I am going on a date with someone else tomorrow- so there. Get your act together or lose out.

On that note, night peeps- a very tired me needs sleep.

PS My father was(is) NT too and today marks 12 years since he left us. Hope you are well dad- I am no longer angry at you but I do miss you.

1 Comment

Filed under Dating

Hope. Yup, I have hope.

I choose

You know, for a very long time, I have always been told
“You have very high expectations”
“You need to settle down with someone who loves you more than you love them”
“You are never going to find someone who fits the bill”

I have also written about what I expect from a date and what sort of a partner would I like. I was told by people

“You are aiming too high”
“You will die alone”
“Stop living in a fantasy world”

For a very long I believed the people, for a very long time I was willing to “settle”, for a very long time I thought maybe my friends did know better and were seeing something I wasn’t… a part of me still believed though and as I was saying to Lady earlier today, Tolkien fits a lot of what I have said in the past- this gives me hope- not ‘cos I think he is the one (too soon to say that, he does have a very strong chance though!) but cos he lets me realise what I want is achievable.

Maybe I am like Carrie from Sex and the City and as such this quote captures me fairly well too…

SATC- some women arent meant to be tamed!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

First dates that lead to more…

The other day a mate and I were discussing first dates and they all end differently, some of the more common ends being:

… in a quick exit cos one of the two people realises it just ain’t worth it!
… in a fun evening with no followup
… to a second date
… in a bit of kiss
… into something more than just a kiss
… with the people ending up in bed together!

Now, as someone who has been on 20+ first dates this year (yeah, I stopped counting after that number!) and with very few second dates (I have high standards, deal with it!), I have been in almost each one of those situations!

Definitely done many quick exits, enjoyed a couple of coffees and gotten out quick, made it to second dates and in some instances, 3rd or 5th too!, definitely had a bit of a fun but rarely ended up in bed- bar 2 situations over the past 2 years!

So, when a friend of mine and I were discussing whether men lose respect for women they sleep with on date 1, I got to thinking… to the extent I actually put TSG on the spot the other day and asked him outright- oops! I have ended up in bed on date 1 twice (as I said)- TSG and Roark are amazing people, fantastic personalities and good friends of mine- both of them play a strong role in my life too and yes, I am exceptionally fond of them!

I have a new theory- it isn’t the men who lose respect but ourselves usually. And we all k now, when we lose respect, it shows in our attitude. And no one, not just men, likes someone with very little self respect. I mean, at the end of the day, if we can’t respect ourselves, no one can respect us, right?!

So ladies, forget the dating rules- I am currently having fun with Tolkien- 5 dates, still going strong, constant contact and no exclusivity in sight- it is good. And no, I am not sleeping with him yet ‘cos I don’t wanna…

Do it because it makes you happy

So do things that make you happy ‘cos then you wouldn’t lose respect for self!

Today, when I look back, I am glad TSG & Roark are still in my life- things didn’t work out for whatever reasons, but we still respect one another, we still have time for each other and we care for this friendship. Infact, I might have regretted not having been with them more- yes, we share a slightly more non-platonic foundation but at least now, it is all platonic and amazing! Thank you guys, for being you 🙂

1 Comment

Filed under Culture, Dating, Gender, Ramblings

What a girl wants, what a girl needs…

Came across an article in a men’s magazine recently telling them what a girl wants- the top 10 simple rules.

My take on them:

1. Totally, I want a guy who is into ME- who I am, what I do, what I enjoy (and yes, I will accord the same back ‘cos if I am with you, I am genuinely interested!)

2. Not so sure- I want acknowledgement but not necessarily on the Hallmark occasions- if I say I don’t want anything, I usually mean it- no games!

3. That goes for everyone in your life- thank you’s and sorries rock!

4. Kinda ties in with 1

5. The reason I broke up with TL so yeah, I totally stand by this- potentially one of the most important aspects

6. Be a grown up, even if its in your parent’s basement- especially if the reason is so you can mind them. So not as strict but yes, be an adult

7. Commitment, yes. Marriage- not necessarily.

8. VERY important- I think it is so so so so important to be able to compliment and accept compliments!

9. A 2 way street- but obviously

10. Yup- cos life is special when all those simple things tie in together

Ah well, if such a man exists in my vicinity and is smart enough to keep my brain locked in,  coffee? 😉

1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Gender

The way to my heart

You know last night, I was out with some friends and we were talking about what romance means to us, what really grabs us and what keeps us in a relationship. It was interesting to realise (yet again) how it takes on a different meaning to each one of us!

Over the last while, Chammiya and I have been hanging out a lot and I have gotten to know her well- and since, had to change my initial thoughts- she is still trying too hard at times, I think- and she is very much a homebody and the simple person that I had suspected initially but with a very intelligent brain. And since she and I are so close- I have had the opportunity to see her relationship with her husband- 2 people you wouldn’t put together- both appear very different on surface and have a different type of depth in them- she comes across very open minded and unconventional but deep down is a lot more traditional whereas he comes across simple and boring but has an inner strength unseen by most with a sense of adventure (albeit in a traditional sense- he is likely to follow the tried and tested rather than forge his own way). Initially I wondered why they were together but I have seen in them, a relationship that is strong and mutually affectionate and full of caring and happiness. They work well because they are so different. To me, that makes sense in many ways yet I can’t see myself in a relationship like that!

There were many other relationships discussed, many other types of romance thrashed and I realised I am much like the lady Lindsey Kelk wrote about in Marie Claire (The Girl Can’t Help It, Apr 2012)- I am the one whose toes curl when a guy calls her ‘smart’. ‘intelligent’ especially if the ‘beautiful’, ‘pretty’ bit is not so high on the list. I am the one who thinks a guy who makes me laugh wins over a guy who buys me nice dinners. I am the one who likes to break the norms and make a relationship work in the best way possible for two people- whether it’s getting coffee at 11pm in each other’s gaff or a walk in the pier at midnight or a hike in the wee mornings because things are so busy to find time in the traditional day. I am the one who gets goosebumps when a guy earns my admiration and respect by doing something amazing in his life, just ‘cos rather than to impress me or anyone else.

Ultimately, romance to me is about those intellectual conversations, those silly laughs and basically a fabulous time together. It’s the kind of relationship where the two people in it find each other their kind of perfect.

Romance and relationship are 2 different things though, hopefully, the romance/ the fun/ the courtship leading to a stronger relationship and I think it’s when the partners can understand each other’s emotions and pain, especially when they are trying to hide it- in all honesty, to me, that’s not just in a romantic relationship but all the ones that are truly meaningful.

A similar discussion had come up between Roark and me when we were trying to figure out why neither of us was dating anyone at the moment (obviously not counting each other- which is well, over now) and we both realised we were happier being single than being in a relationship for the sake of it and the picture below just seems so apt for it!

The optimist in me knows that someday my childhood love is likely to come my way (again) and I am gonna find someone whose idea of romance matches mine, but in the meantime, I am loving life and the experiments it is sending my way!

PS Apologies, once again, I started with one idea and ending up going in many different tangents :/

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Dating a Girl

Men tend to make a big deal of dating a girl… I understand why- we are complicated creatures. However, deep down inside, I suspect, we all want exactly the same thing from our partners- love, respect, trust, loyalty, honesty- we just portray it differently.

To men, strength is in being the protective one. Apparently our strength is in showing our vulnerability– duh, that’s obviously what I am doing wrong :/ And there are many other such rules- I for one, am oblivious to them- I make my own, I follow my own and together, i create whatever works for the guy I am with and myself. It has obviously not worked so far, in as much, that I don’t have “the one” but it has worked in terms of making me the person I am today, giving me the belief I need and letting me grow the way I want to.

However, the other day I came across a picture and it caused me much amusement:

Usually not one to believe such statements, this one actually sits uncomfortably close to the truth- the more I like someone, the more I ignore them- especially if I am really close to them. It’s partly a self protective mechanism for myself because when it comes to love, I am not the biggest risk taker!

And then, I was assailed with doubts (‘cos we know how my belief has taken a knock over the last while) and came across this:

There is a lot of truth in the old adage “All’s well that end’s well”. And so on that hopeful and optimistic note, goodnight! 🙂

PS I love this post about why one should women who travel– geeky, travel crazy, gorgeous, friendly, successful- no wonder I intimidate men 😉 hehehe, will the real men please stand up and introduce themselves?!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Gender

Women…

Happy Women’s Day folks- even if I am not sure what the purpose of today is- shouldn’t everyday be everyone’s?!

I am very fond of Drake’s words- I know I expect a guy to jump through hoops and often tar them with a guilty brush and expect them to clean up other people’s mess- yeah, messed up is me! But I am aware and I try not to take it out on the men I date most of the time :/

For a women in business/ careers perspective, here is a video that shares some thoughts/ results on the matter- I am one of the few statistics who actively manages her career (even if I sometimes suspect I have failed), makes changes despite the risks at large (even if it means losing everything) and change roles when unhappy.

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, Dating, Gender, Management

Meh, men!

On a dating site, a friend’s friend contacted me- not knowing it was me!

And when I mean my friend, I mean a very close personal friend who shall rename unnamed for the sake of her privacy. And when I mean friend’s friend, I mean more than friends.

Seeing the two of them together, I had thought this whole “friends with benefits” lark could work for strong women but today, I learnt, it doesn’t- it doesn’t work for anyone. If there are two people, just having fun, one of them is likely to get hurt and more often than not, it’s the girl. At the end of the day, people’s interpretation of this situation is different and it’s not always an easy talk- and most men, don’t want the talk!

Women are nurtured to be a one-man-gal, a monogamist creature, a penguin but men- no matter what, you can’t take their cave activities out- they want to sow their seeds in as many as they can and you know what, they do it without realising they are hurting you. Meh!

How can the two genders be SO differently wired?!
How do so many people manage fwb relations without any issues??
How do strong women like my friend and me mess up on something so insignificant?!
Why do women’s reactions come out so strongly and why do men think we are drama queens when we are just emotional?! Let me blow the steam out and I am all good.

Oh, so many questions, such few answers. And while I am on the roll of questions, do universal contour wraps really work or are they a gimmick?

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Gender

The Power

When I take stock, I realise…

  • I have the power to walk into a room and make people notice me
  • I have the power to command a room to silence by speaking
  • I have the power to get the job I want
  • I have the power to convert ideas to money
  • I have the power to command respect from some of the most senior business people in the world
  • I have the power to get things done my way, without using any under-handed techniques

Yet, a friend of mine not hearing me has the power to shatter it all and hurt me to little pieces and make me feel (imagine 1mm length) big.

When I gave Ryan the card, I did start by telling him how difficult it is for me and we gave each other a hug before he opened it. He read it, took stock for a few seconds, looked at me and said “Just tell me what to do”. Err, FFS- I clearly said in the card, let’s go for dinner, just us, no phones, no computers, no ipads, no nothings, just the 2 of us to discuss how we can work better together- how much clearer can I be?!

On the flipside, my friends have great power to make me feel better- Ryan’s mum and I went for lunch which was lovely, Candy and another friend of ours had a fantastically chilled evening and the Rower and I finished up with a nice cup of tea (it’s nice to be just friends!).

And I also learnt that tears are not saline water as I thought but (bad) hormones that need to get out… so there, get them tears flowing, ladies!

Leave a comment

Filed under Friends

And the Rower rows

So have I done the right thing or not… I will never know… but tonight, the Rower and I decided to part ways. There were many reasons for it but the primary one being the ambition in me, the drive in me, the need in me to do what I want to do.

He found it difficult to understand how important my work in and how much pride I take in what I do.

His ‘S’ness is no match for my ‘N’ness.

Last night, I was thinking whether I wanted to give this a shot. Today, when I got into the car, I was 80% sure, I was gonna make a decision one way or another by the end of the fortnight and the opportunity presented itself today. I know I have hurt him. I know I am hurting. But both Tigger and I agree it was the right thing to do.

I am glad I had Rower’s support over the last few weeks. I am glad I met him. I am glad I was smitten once again- it had been ages since I was courted. I am glad we parted on a note where we will still be friends.

But, there is a part of me that wonders if there is a guy out there strong enough to be with me. The one I know can’t admit to being in love with me and yes, that was part of the reason I made the decision I did (I am a romantic fool) but that was not a deciding factor and either way, what I did needed to be done.

Onwards and Upwards, or so they say.

I am tender, world- emotionally, physically, spiritually- my aura has too many holes, I need some healing, I need some loving, I need to go back to being me- strong and vulnerable in equal doses.

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, My Day

Smitten Mitten

Over the last few days, I have spent a fair bit of time with Rower- more than I would have expected to at this time of the year!! But we have both made an effort and it has been very cute.

  • Date #2- he drove me home from Dublin ‘cos my lift wanted to party and I was too tired.
  • Date #3- he wanted to bake cupcakes together (well, post dinner).
  • Date #4- he gave up a night of free alcohol and hanging out with some people he only gets to see about once a year to go to the cinema with me.
  • Date #7- he came down to see me really late on a Friday night, again giving up on free work drinks because it was the only time we would have managed to see each other for a while.

As my friend, The Diva, said- very genteel.

A picture I came across today kinda sums up to some extent the kind of guy Rower is and why despite not quite being an absolute out there Alpha, he has managed to capture my attention and keep it there!

Rower seems to be that kind of man at the moment, he gives me compliments (even if they are hidden in a joke text at times), he appreciates me for what I am, he is amused by the drive I display, he understands my need to be passionate about all I do and in his own way, he appreciates it all and wants to support it and add more to my life. In a very weird way, it makes me really enjoy being with him.

One night as we were drifting off to sleep, he kinda murmured how beautiful I was and how I always looked in my really nice clothes. And last night was very cute- he made a flippant comment (flippant in the sense that I wouldn’t read much into it yet it was out there) saying he really liked how I got him in so many ways. To me, it was actually not cheesy but really nice- it’s the sort of thing I like to hear.

So basically, I am smitten, yes. Will it go anywhere? Who knows! Do I want it to go anywhere? Who knows! Do I want to go exclusive with him? Honestly, I still don’t know- go figure!!

2 Comments

Filed under Dating

And then he…

So much has happened since my last post.

Blondie got married and looked absolutely stunning on her wedding day and radiant since she realised she was going to spend her life with the man she loves. She got me emotional a few times during the day and I just am so totally over the moon for the happy couple. I hope they remain as happy, if not happier! Curly felt a huge stab of jealousy when she saw their happiness and was surprised I didn’t. Somehow it made me realise that I was happy for my friends and was so happy that the lack of love in my own life didn’t even figure! Part of me wonders if its because I am confident that one of these days I will have that sort of all-consuming love and I know it’s round the corner or maybe it’s just cos I am happy as is in my life… either way, I am happy and that’s the bottom line!

However, the very next day, something weird happened- a certain friend of mine and I got together! He declared his undying, unconditional love to me- the second time in about 6 months and it kinda freaked me out. We ended up kissing and it was only ‘cos I didn’t want to do it drunk that I pulled back. This has been playing on my mind A LOT. I really like the guy, he is convinced I am too good for him and I do believe the two of us wll be good together but I want to go into it with both of us being on the same page and with eyes wide open- not a drunken snog leading us to being awkward. The weird thing is he doesn’t remember a thing 😦 I really really really don’t know what to do!

And then, there’s the Rower- a guy I have been seeing for a couple of weeks- a Gemini who might be a ‘S’- scary thought yet someone who makes me very happy and someone I have fun with. In his sleep he once told me “I was very beautiful and I wear such lovely clothes” and even though the words aren’t much, they made me smile ‘cos of the way he said them. He likes me and we are both scared of discussing what will happen next but to some extent, I want to just have fun and go with the flow, especially as I head into the busiest period of work!

Talking of work, I feel I am being asked to make pearls of dirt without being given the condusive conditions- turning coal into diamonds is a long process and not always possible. My team needs a lot of work and its driving me insane! Here’s hoping I manage to get them through the project without losing too much hair… at least there is Halloween to look forward to- here’s to choosing my Halloween costume, the annual feature for October!

Somehow, this year, I am not so sure about partying though- a friend I respected highly passed away very suddenly today and I am still in shock. He had a headache, was diagnosed with leukemia and passed away- all in less than 100 hours- he was in coma for the past few hours. He beat me once at an election and it changed the direction of my life, for better or worse, he shared my idealogies, he knew how to have fun and take risks, he was a lovely person through and through and though if anything, he has reminded me of my friends, the need to keep more in contact, the need to enjoy life, a part of me is too stunted to move. RIP PO, you will be missed.

1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Friends, Management, My Day, Ramblings

Stereotyping…

So, the other day, some of my closest lady friends and I were heading back from an epic weekend away and on the drive back, we started discussing women and the stereotypes.

I must say, I felt bad and a part of me cringed at the racist in me but a bigger part of me has shown I have almost always been right about these and my experiences have been such… so in my defense, I have experience on my side, and personal ones. I also apologise to anyone who reads these and is offended.

It started off with us talking about Russians (I am kinda seeing one so sshhhh but he’s male so obviously this doesn’t count hehehe). The Russians and Eastern Europeans are almost always gold-diggers and not consciously. They always marry up and access the basis of a relationship based on the monetary potential, and the materialistic one too. They will use their bodies and make a massive effort to maintain them to keep their partner interested and keep them plying!

Funnily enough, many of the Asian women are similar. Indian women may not use their body but they certainly would be very much aware of the need to marry up.

So is it that the caste system has changed to a different system that women now use to decide on their partner?

And as an Indian, how have I escaped? Or have I? Scary, scary thought! I love my possessions (my shoes, my gadgets, my jewelery is enough of a give away) and have been mostly successful men. I mean SL and I parted cos of his lack of focus but in most scenarios, I have been the one who would have been worried of gold-diggers…

PS On a completely different note, the romantic in me loves this pic– a recreation of one of my favourite paintings!

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, Dating

I am truly beginning to wonder

  • Is it that men can’t handle confident women?
  • Do men like to be so in demand and control that they can’t handle a woman who is self-assured?
  • Do men get attracted to the confident aura but don’t like it really?

Or

  • Is it me?
  • Do I attract the men who are amazing, great catches, lovely people but at the end of it all, they can’t handle a real woman?
  • Or is it something about me that I need to change?
  • Or is it what most ENFP women face on a regular basis- the inability to find a man who can accept our enthusiasm and excitement balanced with our need for peace and some personal space?

Will I ever truly know? Once again, I wonder 🙂

PS Incase you haven’t guessed, TSG and I parted ways tonight and hence, this line of thought!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

TSG

Last Saturday, I met someone- someone I had only interacted with online, someone I would normally not reach out to but somehow I did and I am glad I did- he is Tall, Sexy and Geeky/ Gentlemanly.

I know it’s early days and I know the true me just goes into everything head strong that it scares the other person so I am being careful to give space because INTJs need space but the ENFP in me is finding it tough. Bah!

Anyhow, I am glad I didn’t get hung up on the idea of Harry and go with head rather than heart. I have already made moves with TSG that I wouldn’t normally do but one only lives once and if it’s meant to be, it will be. He seems a nice bloke, he makes me smile, he treats me like a gentleman and he came out of his comfort zone to see me… yes, he has his faults but so far, they are not unbearable.

Do I think we have a future? Honestly, I dunno. Do I want us to have a future? Again, I genuinely don’t know but I sure am keen to find out and I do hope I see him again, soon.

On a happy note, goodnight world.

1 Comment

Filed under Dating

Harry?

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been interacting with this guy, who for the purposes of the blog, we shall call Harry.

Harry is this really nice, down-to-earth guy, with an interesting brain and a pretty intense but still fun attitude. Now, if I were to just hang out with him as a mate, I know it would be a good friendship. However, I know he is interested in more and I am not sure what I want.

I did the whole usual pros and cons list etc but I am still unsure. There is a part of me that wonders if I am over-critical and if I expect too much?! And then, I am reminded of Charlotte in Sex & The City and how she always went for a certain type but then ended up with Harry- a lovely guy who wasn’t a perfect match to her list and he certainly had to try hard to get her to agree. Somehow, in my situation, it seems kinda similar- the only difference being I can’t say I fancy him back, at least not yet!

So world, tell me, how does one know whether to pursue something or not?! What sort of signs should I look out for?!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

The Oracle

So, yet another one of my friends got engaged today. And even before he was serious about his lady, I had said to him “This is the girl you will marry”.

Years ago, just as Dr. F had started dating Mrs. F, I recall telling our mutual best friend “This was the one”.

Similarly, I have made many such predictions about my friends- mostly right. I even made one such comment about myself- and well, it didn’t work out or well, it hasn’t so far- in the future, *shrug*, no clue- less than likely!

Going back to my thinking on trust, I wonder is it just my intuition, me knowing my friends really well or what is it that makes me see true love and recognise it for what is it?! And is it the fact that I know what true love should feel like- not because Cosmo articles tell me, but because I just know- that I keep shirking away from the other relationships?! :s

Someday hopefully, I will play Oracle to my own life, in the meantime, I shall enjoy my new found status as one for the next few minutes 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Friends

Friends with Benefits

You know the other day, a mate and I were just talking and he was telling how he and a certain lady friend have agreed to be just friends with benefits and how it is the perfect relationship, due to the lack of pressure etc. Now, I think Friends with Benefits is the best type of a relationship too, but for different reasons…

I mean, in a good friendship, the two parties are both equals, they have fun, they support each other, they share laughs/ tears/ joys/ dreams etc etc etc and I, for one, have been very luck with my friends… the biggest ingredients in keeping them close and strong are the respect, the loyalty and the trust we share. Of course, elements like a nice person, good characteristics, intellectual prowess and the moral grounding automatically get taken into account.

So the real difference between a very good friendship and a relationship is pretty much the physical intimacy. And once you have “that benefit” too, it is friends with benefits. And the thing, in my romantic head anyway, is that the strings aren’t an add on, they were already there and you’ve just taken things forward a step and the commitment comes from the fact that you already care about the person.

So yes, my ideal relationship is still Friends With Benefits. Maybe that’s why I feel there are certain male friends in my life that I wouldn’t mind getting into a relationship/ marriage with ‘cos I have practically everything else with them already and maybe that explains why certain close friends of mine have suggested hooking up in the past!

I think if it’s any other definition, I will go with calling it F*ck Buddies ‘cos in fairness, that’s all it is. If you really cared for a friend and there were benefits and either party was not serious, it’s kinda horrible. Ah well, my 2 cents worth.

On a different topic, we all know how MASSIVE a fan I am of hugs– apparently Twitter/ virtual hugs can have some good in them too… so dish the love out, folks- physically and virtually 🙂

2 Comments

Filed under Dating, Friends

An update of sorts

So the past while has been a bit interesting- a lot of the guys from my past have made a reappearance…

The Chef- wants to rekindle things but still is convinced Ryan and I will end up together and can’t fathom the friendship :/

The Geek- he drove me all the way home from Dublin ONLY to spend some time with me. Very sweet but very spineless and an exceptionally terrible kisser!

Freedom- Don’t think I have mentioned him in the past. Went on one date with him, knew he was totally into me but I just wasn’t physically interested in him. I mean, nice enough guy but not quite the Alpha male I hope to be with. Potential to be a great friend is what I had pegged him for but it seems, he is keen to try more- every few days, I hear from him and it’s definitely flirting…

On the other hand, I am thinking of trying online dating- I mean, one never knows who I might meet and if nothing else, I might make some local friends… I am one who believes in the initial connection (not in love at first sight) and I really doubt any online introduction can replicate that! Either which way, time to have a bit of fun and enjoy the attention, I suppose 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Floozies!

Now, I never really liked the word “floozy”- to me, it’s very bimbosque and those sort of people don’t really come on my radar… However, these days, I seem to be using it a lot to describe the women my best friend dates- ‘cos, to be honest, snooty/ snobby as it may sound, that’s what they are- they seem to be empty-headed, gold-diggers, lacking in self-confidence… So far, I didn’t really dislike them- I was just indifferent to them and didn’t hold them in very high regard- but today, I think that might have turned against them.

For the first time ever, my best friend asked me to change who I am and how I interact with him in front of them- he thinks, this is being sensitive to them but I think this is completely ridiculous as it amounts to lying! I mean, if they cannot accept a friendship for what it is, because they don’t have the confidence to believe in themselves, then is it really my issue and something I should change myself for?! Especially someone I don’t care about. And the fact that he asked me this made me lose a notch of respect for him- I know he’s doing it without asking me to change in his opinion, but the fact that he’d rather stand up for some chic to get a bit of loving than his own friend hurt, and it hurt deep.

I might be overreacting here, acc to him, I am but I feel a relationship should be the same always- I don’t change who I am or how I interact with someone ‘cos of someone else… yeah, I may be a bit restrained in the way I show affection in certain instances but for the most part, I don’t change the way I am- the caveat being in a business situation!

AAAAAARGH- men! Sometimes, they frustrate me SO much. Right now, I am furious and exceptionally annoyed. No one and absolutely no one, tells me to change who I am. If you can’t handle me, you are welcome to walk away but there’s no pretence- what you see is what you get.

——– EDIT: 11/2/2011——-

I came across a brilliant article about how a man should marry a woman who doesn’t read: floozy in my world 🙂 .

2 Comments

Filed under Friends, Ramblings

Theories in me head…

Theory 1: I burn when I use sunscreen

So, the other day we went tubing in Vang Vieng, Laos- one of those must-do back-packing activities that are actually quite a bit of fun and a wee bit dangerous. Now even though it is their winter, the sun was very strong and the temperature pretty warm- early 20s, me thinks! Anyhoo, I had factor 60 sunscreen, Ryan had 50 and Spartacus didn’t put on any. At the end of the day, Ryan was pretty badly burnt, I was burnt too- and Spartacus was fine. The only times I have EVER been burnt were after I moved to Ireland, after I started using sunscreen and it didn’t matter when I reapplied. So is waterproof sunscreen really waterproof and does sunscreen really stop a sunburn?! I tried this theory today- stepped out in the Cambodian sun to see temples- no sunscreen and even though I had tonnes yesterday, my skin was red, but today- with no sunscreen- I came back a shade or two darker but without the burn feeling. This really makes me wonder! A part of me is cautious and thinks I shouldn’t risk skin cancer but still…

Theory 2: Successful Entrepreneurs and THAT lady

Now we all know my life is full of some very successful entrepreneurs and some very successful intrapreneurs. The funny thing is in each of them, I have also seen truth in the statement “behind every man is a successful woman” even if they will not acknowledge it too openly, they all depend on this one lady alot. And though in some cases, not in any I have known, the woman might be the mother or sister, it is usually, and so in my personal circle, the partner. Some of these ladies are not as alpha as their males, but they are all VERY good in their own way-

  • either as housewives who can juggle being a host, the perfect guest, etc;
  • as partners who have their own stuff really well together and know how to play the host, the lady, the guest and those different avatars;
  • as a business advisor who is always there- juggles being a mentor, a friend, a supporter and all the other avatars as well
  • or the one who is a partner in every way- in business, in personal and all other aspects of life.

In all of these, I have seen the housewife example most in the generations before me- few in my generation are not working and that was the norm- but then, these ladies run the house completely, they manage it like a business and they ensure the man had little to worry about and in closed doors, they provide a LOT of counsel.

The lady with her act together is more common in my generation but it is usually in the case of intrapreneurs- he wants the risk but is afraid to make the move, she keeps him grounded yet she gives him the illusion he is doing something daring and to some extent, stops him from reaching his extent but because they are both well matched, it works out really well.

The business advisor one is exceptionally common and the only way it works is when the woman is just as strong-headed and alpha as she is the only woman he listens to.

The partner is THE best match though- I have seen a good few of these cases and the funny thing is in my circle, ALL the really successful entrepreneurs, all the ones who have done well, all the one who are actually going places have found themselves this one lady.

I know this post has assumed only men are entrepreneurs, we all know that’s not true but I suppose I am thinking from my perspective- I have done my entrepreneurial stint, I have identified that my core strength is making a company grow and ideally when it is in its entrepreneurial phase and I have identified that I want an equal so does this mean I should ideally be looking for an alpha male who is already an entrepreneur or one who is about to become one?! Hmmm… and based on this fact, since I am a business partner to Ryan, should I be moving away from him and the company we have built together so far once I know someone else can do the rest?!

And do my theory or hypotheses have any more basis than just that these are my observations and the way I perceive things to be?!

7 Comments

Filed under Dating, Management, Travel

Yup, it’s gonna rain

rain money in my life, that is!

Dunno why I felt like sharing this or why I feel this way but I do and so here it is!

It’s been an interesting week for me and here’s my top ones:

  • Been really nice to certain people I doubt I will really ever interact with- I mean 1 of them is nice but needy and insecure and I just think that’s ridiculous
  • Had a few awesome evenings with some amazing people- dinner out on Fri, brunch on Sat, dinner on Sun- all in all- some fantastic people- Candy and her beau, Dr. F and his lady
  • I celebrated 10 years of my parents relationship ending and my ex’s engagement with dignity and maintained my moral high ground. And on the note of relationships, even caught with The Chef but as suspected, I think it’s all over- nothing happened- we hung out as 2 mates.

All in all, a good weekend and this time next week, I will be in Vietnam- BRING IT ON! Yay for travels.

 

1 Comment

Filed under Weekly Achievements

Entitlements

You know I have been angered by people’s belief in their sense of “entitlement”- be it for just an expectation of holiday pay when they are on an hourly rate or the British students wanting free tuition so why do I feel a sense of entitlement about respect, happiness and my friends being with the right people!?

Today, I met one of the girls Ryan is dating and I was so unimpressed. I mean, here’s this absolutely awesome guy- for the most part atleast and he has it all- intelligence, looks (well yeah, he is blonde and more boyish cute than handsome in my eyes but each to their own), charm, wit, confidence, consideration and a heart of gold so why does he sell himself short… and why do I feel that he is entitled to someone so much better- someone equally witty, equally intelligent, equally confident and equally charming…. he admits he is shallow when it comes to women and I am all for being attracted to your partner, and maybe I am unusual in this sense but I am attracted to people based on their brains and personality- I have no physical expectations. Is it just that I am different and I go for the personality ‘cos I want something durable or is it just I feel disappointed that my own best friend, someone I care about so much disappoints me by aiming so low and being content with it?! I mean, if someone aims high in every other part of their life, should it be ok for them to aim low in one part of their life…

And why do I feel I have an entitlement to feeling so disappointed on his behalf? It’s his life- my role is to support him through it as a mate and advise him when I think he’s wrong but not to decide for him, right?! So why do I find it so difficult to accept that and just let him have his fun?!

And talking of entitlements, what exactly have I done in life to feel I am entitled to the man I envision in my head- someone my equal, someone I care about immensely, someone I love to be with, someone I can be me with. Why do I feel I am entitled to this? Just ‘cos all fairytales say so, just ‘cos everyone has drilled this belief into my head, just ‘cos that’s what I want?

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Friends, My Day

This is for my little sister

You know, my baby sister is in her first relationship- I think it’s about 18 months or so…

She is going through a confused state where tiny little things about him irritate her, she is unsure of where this is going yet there is an element of happiness and definitely some level of comfort. On the other hand, she feels she’s on egg-shells around him and can’t be herself.

I am not worried yet but I see in her, similar doubts/ questions/ commitment issues that I think are quite common with the women in our family. And it got me thinking about relationships- which, as we know is playing a lot on my mind- and some key ground rules that I seek for:

  • It should make me happy- for most of the time. When I weigh being in it or out of it, I want to be in because it makes ME happy- not happy because I am doing the right thing, not happy because the society expects me to but that sense of internal happiness that is one’s own
  • I should be ME- I shouldn’t have to second guess what I say, I should be comfortable in my ugliest pyjamas and know he stills finds me beautiful, I should not need make-up for him to give me a compliment, I should not have to act dumber than I am, I should not have to worry about my accomplishments, I should be open to his thoughts on my dreams and he on my thoughts on his dream et al
  • And my heart rules- this is one of those areas in my life where I let the heart choose and veto the head completely
  • The relationship is based on mutual respect, trust and loyalty, together founding the basis of mutual love that goes beyond lust, goes beyond a momentary attraction
  • There is a healthy amount of give and take in the relationship- both sides give in to each other, both sides make certain compromises for the other person and they do because they want to
  • And for me- my partner needs to be one of my best friends- one of those people whose opinion I care about, whose opinion I want, whose opinion I need and one who just fits in with the rest of the amazing people I call my best friends

In my current phase- this quote from Anne Morriss is kinda cool: “The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”

And it’s that time of the week when I thank the world for what I am blessed with:

  • My friends- last week wouldn’t have been possible without them
  • Treating myself with a fabulous pair of shoes- I love my new boots- my first designer shoes in at least 3 years- I am back in the world
  • Enjoying pure decadence over the weekend by sitting in front of the telly (or our version of it), enjoying pizzas, garlic bread, wedges, cokes and chocolate ganache through a 4-movie-thon!

Despite the pain I went through last week, despite the pain I am still going through, I know that the last week has been a turning point in some way in my life. Now to keep working on it and getting the strength I need to deal with all that comes my way. At the end of it all, life rocks.

2 Comments

Filed under Dating, Family, Weekly Achievements

Mars

That’s kinda the nickname Tigger and I have given my project to find me a man!

Over the past few days, I have been dealing with the issue called TL- yes, he needs to be dealt with- I need closure- 2 years on and I have never dealt with the end of a significant relationship and I think this is my time to grieve- I need to go through all the 5 stages.

Today I spent a looooong time on the phone to my friend Curly- she rocks and she was the one who made me realise I needed to grieve and deal with the end of that relationship- even if he was a douche bag and did propose to me again in Feb/ Mar this year while he was dating the lady he is about to marry! Men- seriously!!! And then, I had an even looooooooooooooooonger chat with Tigger- she always amazes me, amuses me and makes me happy.

So yesterday, while chatting to one of my friends, we decided to come up with my list- today, Tigger encapsulated it in 2 words “my equal”- that’s who I am looking for- someone who is intelligent (yes I do believe I am), someone who has a similar fire in his belly as I do in mine (could be about anything really), someone who knows how to have fun, someone kind, someone compassionate, someone trustworthy, someone ambitious, someone passionate, someone who complements me, someone who enjoys traveling as much as I do, someone who enjoys being at home every so often but loves going out too, someone who is my best friend too, basically my Mars bar (A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play).

The other day, my mother decided to tell me what all the stars say about my partner and there’s some things that really strike me:

  • Not too tall
  • Not the fittest guy on earth
  • Non Indian- potentially Caucasian
  • Someone whose career I will help grow
  • A friend
  • Someone who understands the nuances of fine living
  • Someone who has passions and interests of his own
  • An individual

I like the sound of that… to be honest, even though I don’t believe in what the stars have to say!

So where do people like me hang out? Where does meet the male versions of me? Do they exist? Now to come up with a strategy…

At a later date (Dec 13):

Came across this quote somewhere: “lots of affection, plenty of ambition, honesty and the guarantee of financial security are the four ways to a Taurus female’s heart.” Oh so true- a combination of all those is a very good way of keeping me happy! 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

And I’m back!

So, the last few days have been very quiet for me- I just took the time to go underground, focus on myself, get some sleep, settle into living in the country (and nope, I am nowhere close), go on long hikes, read and basically love life.

However, in all that time, I have managed to gather up a couple of interesting links, read some cool stuff and still spend some time online- mostly reading, absorbing information and just having a good time… here’s the top 3 that caught my eye, err brain:

This is a post in a mix of Hindi and English, also called Hinglish, and about a topic I love- gender stereotypes! I agree with so much the author says, and used to agree with some of them she says when I was her age- is this a sign of growing old, conforming (shock horror) or just maturing?! (This question is a rhetoric and I really don’t want an answer primarily because I don’t think I can handle it!)

No surprises on this one now- anyone and everyone who knows me knows how I am always singing the praises of having good relationships- I mean, it has gotten me out of many a soup so it has its merits! After my first day at work (after a break of 27 months- ouch!), I am even more a fan of this- a girl who has pretty much been running the operations couldn’t handle me coming over her and the company recognising a fellow manager- all silly, she understands but thank God for me being able to reach out and empathise with her- all about the relationship. I wholeheartedly believe in ALL the relationships that surround us and that’s why I am such a fan of coffees…. with people.

While on the topic of relationships, this made me laugh alot! A dude is actually patenting his approach to hit on women- how cool, crazy or confident is that. Apparently (yeah, I still like the word- you should have dealt with it by now), the book is a very good insight for males into how females think- I wouldn’t know as I haven’t read the dude’s stuff nor can I give a male perspective on a book!

So well, that aside I also finished reading Terry Pratchett’s ‘The Fifth Elephant’- another of the Disc World series and for those who are uninformed, unaware and just ignorant, please go read Terry’s work NOW- he rocks! and he takes me to a fantasy world that is so clever and funny that I love immersing myself into it- go Terry!

And finally, my top 3 of last week would be:

  • Looooooong hikes- 3 in 8 days, pretty good going, me thinks!
  • Moving to the country- seriously, never thought it would happen- to me, Ireland meant Dublin as far as living was concerned… this is a MASSIVE move for me.
  • Healthy eating and sleeping- it has been good to have time for ME- yes, sleeping, eating, reading, cooking, sipping wine in the sun, drinking champagne on my garden- that’s been something I have missed.

And on that note, it’s late, I am tired and I hope to be more frequent but first week and all, so it may be the weekend before I reappear.

Till laters, toodles peeps!

Leave a comment

Filed under Books, Dating, Friends, Gender, Management, My Day, Weekly Achievements

‘My’ Men and MY weekly achievements…

You know, there are a few things I have almost always felt are important in the way of a relationship for me… height is one of them- I like my heels and I like to be able to support myself on my guy’s arm when I am in those really high ones so if he is less than 6 feet it just doesn’t do it for me and personally, for some reason, I cannot feel as attracted to them.

Another one is that of their salaries. Weirdly enough, it never use to bother me and really doesn’t when it comes to spending money etc but as I have dated more and more people, I have come to realise that men find it difficult when the girl earns more… and it really is a problem to them, psychologically even if they don’t think so. And now study shows that men who earn less than their partners cheat more! So somewhere deep inside, I was right to start doubting that one. Saying that, I think the salaries are not a discussion point or an issue of the two people in the relationship are not in the same profession as the competition is tempered down somewhat. So despite whatever the world might say, including this animation ‘Alpha & Omega’ that I am really looking forward to, an Alpha female only really works well with an Alpha male.

Anyhow, enough of my ramble on men. That’s a topic I could go on about for quite a while as we all know.

Here’s to my top 3 of the week:

  • Completing one of the most intense years any human could ever face.
  • Climbing a mountain despite every cell in my body resisting.
  • Facing the risk of deportation and dealing with it calmly to sort out the issue- atleast I have managed to get myself some time with the government and their admin errors!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Gender, Weekly Achievements

So sweet that it’s beyond cheesy even!

So I was browsing one of my favourite websites today and after my earlier rant about love, decided to read more about what makes us fall in love. According to the article I read:

“We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.”

Personally, I am a huge fan of both intelligence and kindness and they are both very important aspects of what I look for in a guy but that’s what makes us fall in love- oh please, let’s not forget chemistry!! There is definitely a need for that, me thinks…

Anyhow, an update on all the men I am currently “dating”:

  • The Scientist- well, I still kinda like him but there has been NO contact for almost 3 weeks now and I am beginning to wonder if it’s just a case of bad timing. He’ll potentially be a ‘what-if’ guy because I got along SO well with him.
  • The Chef- everytime I think we are just mates, things change and when I get used to the idea of something more, we go back to hanging out like mates. I am a wee bit confused about us but I am enjoying myself so I suppose it’s all good, right?
  • The Geek- I think I may have been dethrowned from being a ‘Superwoman’ but he still is keen on me and we still have a good time together, so it’s all good, right?
  • The Architect- haven’t seen him in forever but still on the scene all right….
  • The Photographer- he still flirts with me but I seem to be going off him completely. It’s weird, on paper, we would be so perfect- we match each other well but when there’s no chemistry, there’s no chemistry right?
  • The Surfer- he took me for a long walk the day after I had a terrible hangover and is keen to see me for coffee before I move to the middle of nowhere but I am not so sure…

Funnily enough no new additions this time! Am I losing my touch already?! Shock horror 😉

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Just another ramble…

So it has been a while since I updated about my dating life… and to be perfectly honest, a while since I took stock of it myself!

So let’s try and see who are still in the game and who’s the flavour of the moment…

Players who are still around:

  • The Scientist- still kinda leading the race but if I am not gonna see him for at least 2 months, is he really in the game?
  • The Photographer- a new dude on the scene who I am really beginning to like flirting with. And the best bit, unlike the Scientist, he flirts back!
  • The Chef- yeah, well, he’s still around but I am beginning to guess more as a mate…
  • The Surfer- he wants to tell me my fortune apparently- if he doesn’t behave, I’ll tell him his!
  • The Architect- another avid reader and a keen musician- a drummer to be more precise (and we all know about my weakness for drummers!)
  • The Geek- he thinks of me as SuperWoman, how can I not have a weakness for him?! 😉

So that’s 6 in one go! No wonder I can’t keep track of my life.

Ah, all in all, fun & games… after all, what’s life if I ain’t dating a bunch at the same time, right?! How do I juggle it all? Do I need to decide on one? Or do I just carry on? Ah decisions, decisions, decisions!

And oh random fact of the moment: August 2010 has 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays and 5 Tuesday- this happens once in 823 years! Feel special peeps 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating

Sigh!

And that’s not a tired sigh, it’s a happy one. You know the kind of sigh when  you are content? Yeah, that’s me at the moment. Very content.

And for no real reason!!

I mean, I got some amazing compliments today:

– From an old subordinate: “I am leaving the company X because I can’t seem to find managers like you to lead me”- I haven’t managed her in over 2 years- WOW!

– From a colleague: “You are the best person to buy presents!”

And then, 2 cool things happened today:

1. One of my very close friends told me he is going to be in the same city as me for a few hours- I can’t wait to see him! Been forever- >2 years!!! Even though his reasons for coming are not great, it’ll be nice to see him and give him a hug, share a coffee and chat.

2. I had ordered a present for The Scientist- which arrived today (Thank you Amazon)- earlier than I expected and before he went off to kanuk land (which is next week and so I don’t see him for almost 2 months now- sniff) and even though we were both unsure how we’ll manage to see each other between our crazy schedules and cris-crossing of times in the same city etc, we managed to go for a walk today. I loved the look and the smile on his face when he saw the book- made the effort totally worthwhile. He’s so cute and I am so smitten 🙂 [The book is Ship of Gold and is absolutely brilliant, I highly recommend it!]

So all in all, CONTENT!

Anyhow peeps, off to a few drinkies before studying into the wee hours so toodles!

x

Leave a comment

Filed under Books, Dating, Friends, Management, My Day

I did say I wanted to ramble…

… and so I am back!

This time a topic that seems to be very close to my heart- DATING- again! In particular, first dates…

Now, by no way or means, is this list exhaustive or in any way a guide for anyone else- these are my experiences and I kinda have hit upon this list by chance:

  • I am NOT your sweet, darling or anything– don’t you frigging call me that- do you know what I am like when I am PMSing? Do you know what I do when i am really angry? Do you know what makes me sad? No, right? You are not close enough to call me your darling or any such endearment!
  • I am presuming we’ve been texting/ e-mailing before we meet- it’s very rare I would come up with a time on the spot when I meet you (I have a great brain for double-booking) so if you’ve used terrible grammar, text speak or not used proper punctuation/ capitalisation, you are starting on a weak footing.
  • Peck on the cheek when you meet me- ok, A bear hug- NOT ok!
  • Shoes– I can’t explain what it is about them but I do notice them and I do judge them and I do make a decision based on that and so far, 10/10 for my judgements being right- I am not proud of it but I am beginning to believe it.
  • Pay up guys– if it’s a coffee or something, buy me one. I may earn loads, maybe even more than you but that’s beside the point. Unless it’s a meal or something, cough up- you are in the company of a capable, independent, pretty lady- treat her like one. I am all for women’s lib but read point 10 to see what I mean- somethings are just chivalrous and gentlemanly.
  • Dress right– a suit jacket is not the same as a jacket to be shrugged on the jeans- c’mon seriously, do you think I have no sense of style or that I’ll just look at it and smile? I will smile if you seem to have made no effort  and the look is quirky but not when I know you’re trying to impress me and failing miserably! And oh yeah- don’t forget deodorant- very important, you know- especially, if things go right…
  • Make me smile- simple. Don’t try and tell me tales of what brilliant stuff you’ve done, or the new discovery you made- tell me about you- the person you are, the dreams you have, the childhood memories that always crack you up etc- I wanna date you and not your CV!
  • Reading habits– I am being a snob but there is something to be said about those who read (e-reading/ audiobooks count) and those with a thirst of knowledge and learning- college education is fine and dandy but c’mon, you need to continue with the thirst of knowledge!
  • Errr, cinema IS not really a date– we sit together, eat some popcorn, drink some fizzy stuff, stare at a screen, exchange 2 words the whole evening and make plans to actually meet each other again? Nope- with me, there is no second time- you take me to the cinema the first time, you get the boot, simple.
  • A tight-rope walk but if you can master this, it will help you loads- treat me like a lady but never, ever not like an equal. And while at it, don’t patronise me- I am sharper than I may come across as at times, trust me, I know that!

Seriously guys, you follow these simple 10 commandments of mine, and I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t wanna see you again… it’s not that difficult really!

2 Comments

Filed under Dating

Now, this is a RAMBLE!!

Today, I am gonna ramble, because I wanna ramble and I mean ramble so if you are in the mood, I highly recommend getting a cup of tea and some biccies to go with it so you can follow this random maze of thoughts!

– I was reading this article today and understood the sentiment really well. I have often wondered about my identity- am I Indian? am I Irish? am I American? am I Thai? Or am I just what is coined “a global citizen”? Love the idea of a global citizen as I do, there is something pretentious about using that phrase, I feel. It’s kinda yuppie… but at the same time, I may have lived in only 2 countries but have lived and worked with so many others- traveled extensively so what should I describe myself as? What values do I believe in? The ones I grew up with, the ones I see around me or the ones I find myself most comfortable with? And if the last option, then do I care about how I upset one culture or the other?! Sigh, life used to be so simple…

– And then, I read another article that just seemed to describe me, in essence- the facts aren’t right but there is alot of truth in what the lady says- all she is craving for is love yet she seems to be doing everything to mess it up. I feel the same way, especially with TS- I know I want us to give it a shot yet I also know I skip along alot quicker than others… and so end up smothering him in communication- the poor lad, so far he seems to be coping but how long before he blows his cool with me?!!

– The environmental hippie in me is loving these! I can eat the cup I drink in- it’s almost as cool as the shot glasses made of ice (yeah, they exist, I bough mum some for her birthday- BEST birthday present ever!!)

– I was working on organisational strategy today for a company I am consulting to and came across this amazing quote that shows how strategy is useless without culture!

“..culture eats strategy for lunch. You can have a strategy in place, but if you don’t have the culture and the enabling systems, the culture of the organisation will defeat the strategy”- Dick Clark, the CEO of Merck.

– One of my mates had me in splits for hours- this is the text I received:

“Ohh God just ran around to the shop for a jar of coffee I now see it is a jar of Branstons Pickles?? I can’t drink Bloody Branston Pickle!!”

Lots of other rambles of my twitter today- it’s just been one of those mental diarrhea days!

Leave a comment

Filed under Culture, Dating, Environment, Friends, Management, My Day

The time of the week

for me to identify my top 3 of last week 🙂

  • Juggling 5 men and seeing 3 of them last week! Even having a very important chat with 1 of them. Go me and my dating skills!!
  • Running 3 times in the last week- wahay! Been forever since I managed to actually be regular in running.
  • Juggling the different aspects of me in a day successfully, even if I was very tired at the end of it all.

All in all, a successful week- lots of time with friends, some kick-ass deliverables, walks, music, laughs and good times!

Happy last week of July!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Weekly Achievements

My friends amuse me!

So today I was chatting to a mate of mine about his experiences with online dating and how he was faring and his comment had me in stitches for HOURS:

“no well im going to put up a new profile soon with a photo of me with more clothes on”

Now seriously, that’s hilarious! The background is he had NO picture of him on his computer bar one with him walking out of the sea in his speedos. And boy, does he pack those speedos well!!

Unfortunately, most ladies didn’t care for the fact that he is actually a really sensitive guy and very caring and extremely intelligent (maybe I should be dating him!!) but that he had such a dreamy body and ended up sending him pics that he really didn’t want to see.

Lesson learnt- if you want to be taken seriously, dress up!

Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Friends