Loving myself.


You know, the other day I came across an interesting blogpost written by a friend of another fellow Indo-Irish. My friend thinks this lady is quite something- and that’s saying something since she hasn’t seen Denise in almost a decade.

This same friend introduced me to a beautiful Indian actress– well, not literally, even though apparently she does know her but she downplays it so I really don’t know but, I was introduced to her in a movie called Monsoon Wedding. Today, I saw her support another real cool Indian actress who has a certain panache in yet another movie that seems to capture my life- Turning 30.

Things over the past few days have made me question a few aspects of my own life:

  • Why do I feel I have entitled to get upset about Ryan’s women? Well, simple- I care about him, I care about him not as business partner, not as a colleague, not as a housemate but mostly as a friend- a best friend who always hated (and still does hate) seeing people waste their potential. I have always found this to be the biggest issue with anyone and the fact that my own best friends, one of those people who I have on a pedestal because they are such amazingly, awesome people and when they completely waste this awesomeness, I feel sad. And so, yes, when Ryan manages to sniff out yet another manipulative b!tch (he has a knack, trust me on it), it upsets me, not just because of the fact he is wasting his potential and time but because of who he becomes around them.
  • Tigger is happily in love and it makes me really happy. She is a tough cookie but like me, she has a very soft interior. And like me, she is high maintenance but the thing is we are high maintenance on ourselves- we have high standards, yes but we maintain our needs ourselves- it’s not like we need loves to complete us, we need it to further enrich our brilliant lives.
  • Spartacus, Crystal and Winnie are busy leading the busiest lives but they are so happy and excited about everything that it is very infectious and I love it that they are satisfied.
  • My moment of realising some home-truths about me- I have VERY high standards and I am my own worst critic so even though this is my year, I am still notfulfiling my own emotional needs and so I have decided:
    • I am going to pamper myself more- going to a spa for a 3 hour long session tomorrow- to be repeated as and when my soul needs it
    • I am not going to eat better- not always healthier and not always a diet of chocolate but what works (moderately) for my soul
    • I am going to meditate more often- because when I do meditate, I feel better and when I feel better, my soul feels better

So basically, the year about me is becoming a little clearer- it is as Denise said, about self love. I live in a fantastic house, I drive a fabulous car (I am in love with her, did I mention), I work in a great organisation, I have the most amazing friends to surround me, I am a part of a bl**dy brilliant family and I am not having any moments that make me want to change my life- all in all, it is pretty brilliant but there is a part of me that’s feeling unfulfilled- that keeps going back to the past- to my parents, to that b@stard who called himself my teacher, to the things that for some reason that hold me back. I need to get back that feeling of contentment that is my mojo.

I know there is a future, I know things are going to work out the way I want, I mean I have managed 2 of my 3 goals I discussed with Dr. F 7 years ago! I also know it’s the final one that will actually make things a lot better but I also know I have to bide my time and wait for it to come.

Such drama- maybe a publisher will come to me as they did to Gul Panag and ask me to write a book too- after all, I am almost 30!

Things have changed for me, the past few years have been tumultous, I have been trying to deal with my broken relationships, with juggling many men at the same time, with putting on a smile on my face when I don’t want to. Maybe it is time for me to start over because risky as it is, it also is exciting- it allows for a new beginning.

Time to go shopping so? 😉 maybe my soul needs it hehhe- oooh, I can see me using my soul’s needs for SO many things because after all, 2011 is the year about me and my soul.

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4 Comments

Filed under Dating, Friends, Movies, Ramblings

4 responses to “Loving myself.

  1. I’m glad that you liked my article and I love your pampering ideas – going to the spa and eating better. It’s a virtuous cycle – do the things that make you feel good and you’ll be inspired to improve other areas of your life.

    How’s it going?

    xDenise

    • Thanks for the encouragement Denise. Great article indeed. Considering its day 2 since I made those promises to myself, I am doing excellently 🙂 Let’s see how long it lasts. The funny thing is most of my life is amazing already so improving on awesome is pretty tough 🙂
      Hope all is well with you!
      J

  2. Pingback: I am tired. | Joy of Traveling's Diaries…

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