Step out and go forth

The past few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride- may be that is why I have had the song Everyday by Buddy Holly stuck in my head…

I am moving on from my current company (it’s my little baby and it’s a tough, tough, tough move- it hurts, it hurts so bad!). But I am VERY excited about the next steps in my life.

It’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be tough, it’s going to be scary, it’s going to be busy but you know what, it makes me want to wake up in the morning, it makes me want to reach out and do to it things that I wanted to do in the current company and couldn’t, it makes me believe again.

The last few months have been spiritually draining, mentally tiring, physically exhausting, romantically depleting, emotionally upsetting and it’s been holding me back. Today I heard a Freedom, Abundance, Adventure webinar by Denise Duffield Thomas– I love this lady’s honesty and tips.

I made a few notes while listening to it (and no, I didn’t give it my full attention- oops)

What I want:
– Freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want
– Holidays every 3 months to somewhere without a laptop, without a computer
– Freedom to buy what I want, without thinking twice about cash flow issues (for example, that gorgeous Gucci bag that costs a whole month’s living expenses!)
– Live life by my own rules
– I want abundance travel
– I want abundance adventure in terms of explorations and experiences and friends
– I want to grow as a person
– I want to start new companies, bring more companies success and make things happen
– I want to be surrounded by friends and laughter
– I want cupboards full of healthy food all the time
– I want to not have to do my laundry, cook my food most days
– I want to support my mother
– I always want more coming in that I had imagined
– I want to earn lots of money and would eventually like to get married
– I want to get to the places I have been talking of for ages (Arctic, New Zealand, Egypt, Jordan, Cuba, Colombia, Mexico to start off the list)
– I want to be happy and stop being so tight with tension all the time!

Apparently, what stops women mostly is (points from Denise’s webinar- I am not sharing the link to it as I don’t have her permission but I will share some of the key points I took away- please note, these are not the same as what she said, I have tweaked it (if only very slightly) to what I know is relevant to me):

Guilt: I feel guilty for not being there for my family, especially my mother. I feel guilty about ignoring my paternal side of the family. After 11 years, I still feel guilty about my parents splitting up (irrationally, I know). I feel guilty about arguing with Ryan, even though I am right. I feel guilty about not having met the society’s expectations of me. I feel guilty of being alive when my first love is up in heaven. I feel guilty and I need to release it especially since most of them are not things I can do much more about.

Fear: I am scared. I am scared of what I can’t imagine. I am scared of being shunned by my closest friends. I am scared of risking everything for nothing. I am scared of the unknown. Weirdly, I am also excited about it- everything that scares me excites me- I used to have a higher threshold in the past.

Perfection: Not my thing, to be honest- I am happy with 80% in most situations but in some key areas, I do want 100%- when others let me down in those areas, I do get upset and beat myself about it.

I made a promise to myself in March to put myself first and though I succeeded in some ways, there are areas I can improve upon and since I need to Upgrade to Attract the Achievements I want in my life- I am going to start my making  more time in my life for my friends.

Knowing I am going into 100 hour work weeks means it will be a tough juggle but if I can combine work with the social element- it would be so awesome- 2 of my very close friends and I are going to meet every week to push ourselves and make our plans for the week ahead, brainstorm and together bring success in all the 3 ventures the 3 of us are heading into.

Today, I am frustrated that I can’t fly off to be with my family when I want to, I can’t have them over when I want to, I work with a team of untalented/ undriven/ unambitious peeps who can’t see my vision to make them and the organisation grow, about not having a social life I thrive on, about the weight I am at, about the clothes I own and the shoes I want and can’t afford. I need to effortlessly let go. I NEED to meditate more and often.

I need to stop thinking I will be rich ‘cos I already am.

I AM, because I say so.

I am now almost back in the city I so love, living in a gorgeous apartment with Candy and driving my awesomely amazing sports convertible. I have chucked out clothes that made me feel dowdy, I have new boots for the winter and 2 new pairs of designer shoes (so what if they are eBay specials) and I am decorating my room based on fengshui.

Today I am taking my life back in control again and hopefully I will do a better job this time round ‘cos I have already improved from the last time I said this.

I repeat- SUCCESS IS ME!


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