Tag Archives: Respect

How do you know ‘It’s the one’?

You know, whenever I read fairytales, was told of love, it was as if you knew when it would be the one. I have never known. Maybe I haven’t found the one. Maybe I don’t believe in the one.

But I do know that for a good strong relationship, there is one really good sign and that is when one doesn’t have to explain or justify the other person’s methods/ moves/ comments etc.

When I was with JR- his not talking to me for 3 days- I explained it by saying he was busy.
When I was with TL- his lack of willingness to spend- I explained by claiming he earned in INR and me in EUR.
When I was with SL- his lack of wanting to fly to India- I explained through lack of funds- though he could go around South America!
See a pattern?
Not saying Red is the one but saying that being with Red has made me realise that love is truly about accepting the other person, completely unconditionally!

My tips for knowing you have a good one:
1. Acceptance
2. Respect
3. Pride- pride in showing them off
4. Happiness- their happiness increases your happiness.

be yourself

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An alpha and an alpha

The other day, a mate and I were talking about relationships- we both agreed that the best/ ideal scenario is when a couple can retain their identities as individuals and form a new identity as themselves. Also, we know that it is not too idealistic a scenario as we have seen a lot of examples of such in our lives.

However, I was chatting to another mate and they commented that an Alpha and an Alpha could never gel. For obvious reasons, this got my goat! We have seen how many posts I have written about the brilliance that is the combination of these two.

And this got me thinking… so here’s what makes a good Alpha-Alpha relation work and be awesome, in my opinion. A lot of these are good relationship rules in my head but then again- I have never understood a non-Alpha-Alpha relationship so…. :

– They need to be friends first
– They need to have their own interests and know what they like or don’t
– Their relationship needs to be built on trust, loyalty, respect
– The relationship needs to be well balanced between depending and letting the other person depend
– The relationship needs to have more areas of support than of competition
– Both people need to retain their individual personalities- Goes without saying, they need to have awesome chemistry

In other words, if two strong personalities can be supportive friends and also be lovers, it could really work. Idealism or realism, I am not sure but I like to believe the latter!

perfect relationship

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The Power

When I take stock, I realise…

  • I have the power to walk into a room and make people notice me
  • I have the power to command a room to silence by speaking
  • I have the power to get the job I want
  • I have the power to convert ideas to money
  • I have the power to command respect from some of the most senior business people in the world
  • I have the power to get things done my way, without using any under-handed techniques

Yet, a friend of mine not hearing me has the power to shatter it all and hurt me to little pieces and make me feel (imagine 1mm length) big.

When I gave Ryan the card, I did start by telling him how difficult it is for me and we gave each other a hug before he opened it. He read it, took stock for a few seconds, looked at me and said “Just tell me what to do”. Err, FFS- I clearly said in the card, let’s go for dinner, just us, no phones, no computers, no ipads, no nothings, just the 2 of us to discuss how we can work better together- how much clearer can I be?!

On the flipside, my friends have great power to make me feel better- Ryan’s mum and I went for lunch which was lovely, Candy and another friend of ours had a fantastically chilled evening and the Rower and I finished up with a nice cup of tea (it’s nice to be just friends!).

And I also learnt that tears are not saline water as I thought but (bad) hormones that need to get out… so there, get them tears flowing, ladies!

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In a year…

I have definitely grown. This time last year, I was wondering what the story with this being my break-up week but today, I think back, thanks to some silliness by SL and more idiocy by TL, I now rebrand the past week to be one of growth and learning.

This week 15 years ago, I lost FL. I still  miss FL. A LOT. But his death taught me that there was no moment like the present, the best laid plans get waylaid due to unforeseen circumstances, scenario changes etc and that it is very important to just go do whatever you really want to do.

And then when I moved on from SL, I realised how empowering it is to believe in yourself. Nothing and absolutely nothing should come between you and your self-respect. It is important to not do anything that will make you lose respect for yourself and anyone who makes you make such a move is not worthy of your time.

And finally, exactly 3 years ago today, I liberated myself. I freed myself from the shackles of family expectations, society expectations and did something that made me happy then and happier today. I made a decision that my little voice kept trying to tell me to, yet my screaming monster kept overriding it but eventually, the small guy won and made me do the right thing. Phew. Thankfully.

So the person I am today is someone I am proud of, someone I respect, someone I trust, someone I inspire, someone who inspires me and someone who wouldn’t be the person she is if it weren’t for the 3 loves I have had, the 3 loves who have broken my heart and hurt me but potentially the top 3 teachers towards making me the person I am today. Thank you all. I wish you all luck and I am delighted our paths crossed. I can only hope I taught you something in the process too.

 

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She gives women a bad name…

And by she, I don’t mean anyone in general but a lot of ladies- a certain type of the female population, to be honest- a percentage that have no respect for themselves, settle for anything and lower the opinion a certain male population have of the female race.

The funny thing is, I usually remain disconnected from those sort of females and try to avoid those sort of men but seriously, sometimes, you meet a guy and he is brilliant in every which way but has zero/ nada/ no respect for women and you realise he has only dealt with the type of females that give other ladies a bad name.

These girls need to grow up, even if not for their sisters in the world, but for themselves and realise that to get respect from the world, they need to respect themselves.

And those men, well, they need to realise that to get a lady, they need to stop being seen or hanging out with those females, ‘cos a woman worth her salt can smell the stench of another woman and will not go near…

Cryptic as I am, I know what’s bothering me and just need to rant!

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

(I have the Aretha Franklin song stuck in me head now!)

One of the fundamentals of EVERY relationship in life, or so I think- to me no relationship is complete without RESPECT! And I think this kinda goes with this article I was reading a few days ago about Power Couples.

Yet another one of my theories proven, to some extent anyway- power couples rule. That is, two similarly strong people can taken on the world much better as a team than one strong with someone not as strong/ smart/ intellectual. Basically the theory about opposites attracting is still about two people with similar fundamentals, similar values, similar ideologies supporting each other by optimising on each other’s strengths and working out the best way to deal with the weaknesses. And this only happens when the relationship is founded on trust, loyalty and respect.

And so I know I need to be one half of a power couple, ‘cos that’s what would make me really happy and help me achieve all I have the potential to achieve.

And I think this is why I am having such a tough time with my friends and relationships. Most of my friends are very similar to me- strong, independent personalities willing to take on the world and I think I want someone similar. I want someone who can hold his own and though I have met many a guy who is intellectually on the same page, they are just not right or so my instinct says. And so I keep dating and keep looking 🙂

I think it’s the same instinct that helps me identify the partners for my friends- Crystal was onto me a few days ago and he was telling me how he is glad I was always honest about my feelings about his relationships and how he has lucked out with his current wife. Dr. F was onto me last week as well, saying the very same thing. All in all, it is pretty cool to have such awesome friends with whom I can be so honest and for whom, my instincts can be so right.

And back to me- I came across an interesting article that made me realise maybe I am not so non-materialistic after all- tall men do earn more, hehe. Bah.

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Some of the things I don’t understand!

You know, there are some things I just don’t get…

Big Brother– seriously, what’s the fun in watching a bunch of people go about their lives and be silly? I am silly enough as is and I like to believe intellectually funny and not stupid- ugh, ban the show and others like that. The only thing worse? People who watch Big Brother!!

Lack of respect for time– if you have given someone time, please be there. A few minutes here or there I understand but if you have said 5 and turn up at 1030- that’s not really acceptable. AAARGH.

Letting doors bang– when someone is giving a talk and one needs to get out- letting the door bang shut is rude. Close it softly peeps- were you brought up in a zoo?!

Close-mindedness– Don’t agree with everything everyone says, but atleast be open to others trying it! Like seriously, whoa re you to pass judgement on someone else’s decision?!!

People thinking Gym= Sport– Gym is great for keeping fit and getting some exercise but it is NOT a sport. You can train in the gym to help you with the sport but it is NOT a sport. Sport (atleast to me) is something (usually) outdoor, involving exercise, and preferably a team. Cricket, rugby, football, baseball, basketball, running, cycling, squash, badminton, tennis- yeah, I would classify them as sports but going to the gym is not a sport, get it? Kapish?

This is in NO way an exhaustive list but at lest I got it off  my chest!

What are some of your not-so-favourite things?!

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