Move over, visualisations

So, I am still digesting bit of this book I was raving about last week!

I do believe in the power of imaging the goal but I do agree that without the right effort alongside, there is NO way one can get to the destination. Richard Wiseman gives us a template on how to do it:

1. Define the overall goal
2. Create a step-by-step plan:
Break the goal into 5 smaller steps- they should all follow the SMART thinking and identify a reward for achieving each step
3. List 3 benefits of achieving the overall goal
4. Tell the world

Fill in this form

I want to achieve…
I will first achieve… (do this for all 5 sub goals)
I can achieve this because…
To achieve this, I need to…
I will achieve this by…
I will reward myself  by…
The 3 important benefits of achieving my overall goal are…

I know what my next few Wednesdays posts are gonna be now 😉

I think combining this plan with the feeling of success at the very end will together allow for happiness and success in our lives but visulaising on its own may not get us the results we need- ‘cos at the end of the day, effort is needed!

Fall

…’cos you can pick yourself up, brush off the failure, learn from the lessons and try something new.

But do it- ‘cos YOU WANT TO!

At the end of the day, the whole life is a risk.

So go hence forth and take THAT risk- yup that VERY risk you are thinking twice about 🙂

Step out and go forth

The past few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride- may be that is why I have had the song Everyday by Buddy Holly stuck in my head…

I am moving on from my current company (it’s my little baby and it’s a tough, tough, tough move- it hurts, it hurts so bad!). But I am VERY excited about the next steps in my life.

It’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be tough, it’s going to be scary, it’s going to be busy but you know what, it makes me want to wake up in the morning, it makes me want to reach out and do to it things that I wanted to do in the current company and couldn’t, it makes me believe again.

The last few months have been spiritually draining, mentally tiring, physically exhausting, romantically depleting, emotionally upsetting and it’s been holding me back. Today I heard a Freedom, Abundance, Adventure webinar by Denise Duffield Thomas– I love this lady’s honesty and tips.

I made a few notes while listening to it (and no, I didn’t give it my full attention- oops)

What I want:
– Freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want
– Holidays every 3 months to somewhere without a laptop, without a computer
– Freedom to buy what I want, without thinking twice about cash flow issues (for example, that gorgeous Gucci bag that costs a whole month’s living expenses!)
– Live life by my own rules
– I want abundance travel
– I want abundance adventure in terms of explorations and experiences and friends
– I want to grow as a person
– I want to start new companies, bring more companies success and make things happen
– I want to be surrounded by friends and laughter
– I want cupboards full of healthy food all the time
– I want to not have to do my laundry, cook my food most days
– I want to support my mother
– I always want more coming in that I had imagined
– I want to earn lots of money and would eventually like to get married
– I want to get to the places I have been talking of for ages (Arctic, New Zealand, Egypt, Jordan, Cuba, Colombia, Mexico to start off the list)
– I want to be happy and stop being so tight with tension all the time!

Apparently, what stops women mostly is (points from Denise’s webinar- I am not sharing the link to it as I don’t have her permission but I will share some of the key points I took away- please note, these are not the same as what she said, I have tweaked it (if only very slightly) to what I know is relevant to me):

Guilt: I feel guilty for not being there for my family, especially my mother. I feel guilty about ignoring my paternal side of the family. After 11 years, I still feel guilty about my parents splitting up (irrationally, I know). I feel guilty about arguing with Ryan, even though I am right. I feel guilty about not having met the society’s expectations of me. I feel guilty of being alive when my first love is up in heaven. I feel guilty and I need to release it especially since most of them are not things I can do much more about.

Fear: I am scared. I am scared of what I can’t imagine. I am scared of being shunned by my closest friends. I am scared of risking everything for nothing. I am scared of the unknown. Weirdly, I am also excited about it- everything that scares me excites me- I used to have a higher threshold in the past.

Perfection: Not my thing, to be honest- I am happy with 80% in most situations but in some key areas, I do want 100%- when others let me down in those areas, I do get upset and beat myself about it.

I made a promise to myself in March to put myself first and though I succeeded in some ways, there are areas I can improve upon and since I need to Upgrade to Attract the Achievements I want in my life- I am going to start my making  more time in my life for my friends.

Knowing I am going into 100 hour work weeks means it will be a tough juggle but if I can combine work with the social element- it would be so awesome- 2 of my very close friends and I are going to meet every week to push ourselves and make our plans for the week ahead, brainstorm and together bring success in all the 3 ventures the 3 of us are heading into.

Today, I am frustrated that I can’t fly off to be with my family when I want to, I can’t have them over when I want to, I work with a team of untalented/ undriven/ unambitious peeps who can’t see my vision to make them and the organisation grow, about not having a social life I thrive on, about the weight I am at, about the clothes I own and the shoes I want and can’t afford. I need to effortlessly let go. I NEED to meditate more and often.

I need to stop thinking I will be rich ‘cos I already am.

I AM, because I say so.

I am now almost back in the city I so love, living in a gorgeous apartment with Candy and driving my awesomely amazing sports convertible. I have chucked out clothes that made me feel dowdy, I have new boots for the winter and 2 new pairs of designer shoes (so what if they are eBay specials) and I am decorating my room based on fengshui.

Today I am taking my life back in control again and hopefully I will do a better job this time round ‘cos I have already improved from the last time I said this.

I repeat- SUCCESS IS ME!

To stay or not to stay…

I am at that junction in life (AGAIN) where I am confused, disillusioned, cynical, depressed, peeved off and f*cking confused (yes, I said confused twice, deliberately).

I have NO idea where my life is going, I have NO clue what to do to get what I want, I have NO real love (yes, my family and friends rock but they are not always there for me and those that are, I feel terrible about using them so much constantly that I now feel alone), I have NO assets to speak of (big boobs don’t count!!!!), I have NO way of talking to my bestest friend cos he has NO time for me or anything else on this planet bar himself, I have NO plans about what’s happening next and I have NOTHING in my life going my way- AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

And no, it’s not hormonal.

Wish I knew what to decide, how to decide, I know what I want but I have NO clue how to get it all. I am tired, tired of trying to play games, tired of carrying the weight I carry on my shoulders, tired of being taken for granted, tired of being told I am useless, tired of having a happy mask on my face, tired of life. There are times I genuinely wish I was weak enough to give it all up and throw the towel in.

Baby steps- should I stay in my current job? should I stay in Dublin? should I stay in Ireland?

I got an awesome job offer- what a package, the benefits, the salary and all came up to almost half a million in a fairly decent currency- I could get the car, the house, the clothes, the gadgets, the lifestyle I wanted in a flash and I am pretty certain it would help in many other ways but the role and location didn’t excite me enough- turning it down was one of the most interesting conversations in my life.

Nothing is making me happy at the moment. Nothing! I feel like an utter failure.

It’s all about the people!

So a few days ago, I was talking of a mini hub that power couples form, and here’s an example of a lady who has her mini hub with her partner and few other individuals who she uses as sounding boards, as feedback generators and confidantes.

At the end of the day, you are the sum of the people you hang out most with! And that’s why I choose people with drive and ambition to achieve happiness and success in their own lives, people who think differently to me yet respect my opinion, people who have their own lives yet balance making time for the important things in their lives (ie friends and certain activities), people who think big, people who imagine, people who live and not just survive.

So today, think about who you surround yourself with? Because that could be the limiting factor in your success!

PS Does this mean I need to purge a few relationships?! Hmmmm…. food for thought!

Mini Hub

This topic has been playing in my head for a few days and so I finally decided to write it down! The other day I was talking to someone and they wondered how I sustained a relationship while I was on the top of my martial arts game.

I realised, the main reason we were both on the top of the game was because we both egged each other on, we competed with each other, yet we pushed each other and helped each other constantly up the game and get better, focus on the important things and find the best way to deal with everything. The two people in a similar situation will always understand each other better than anyone else.

Think about it, in my previous company- one of those names that everyone likes on their CV- always tried to get people to get together with other people from the same organisation! I used to think it was a form of talent retention but didn’t realise how deep it truly was!!!

So what really makes sense in all this? I think it is the same formula as why Silicon Valley and other such hubs form- it’s basic tacit knowledge! If I have knowledge of something and some skills and my partner has some other knowledge and complementary skills, we will always be better than a team with the same thing ‘cos my partner and I would be spending all our time together and due to similar interests, share more of the knowledge that you don’t tend to put on a mail or send as a memo. It also makes more sense as to why power couples become more powerful as every day goes by!

It’s funny, even when I put it in a platonic context, Ryan and I were so much better as a team when we hung out all the time and drove to work together cos we talked of things that weren’t directly related to work and I have seen our results plummeting a bit becos of us not driving to work together…. weird but true!

And this ain’t just in business,every successful couple are both top of their game (don’t need to be C level to be on top of one’s game!) and are constantly pushing and egging the other one forward, to truly realise their inner potential and be the awesome people they are.

And sometimes, it isn’t about even being in the same profession- take politicians and their wives (stereotyping but mostly the case), the wives get information from other wives and committee members of charity boards etc and this is all a part of the political agenda of gathering information and garnering more votes and popularity. See, networking is SO important 😉

I truly believe, to be truly powerful, you need the right support- in the family, the friends and most importantly, your partner ‘cos at the end of the day that is the heart of the hub you form around you and it truly reflects in your achievements- maybe that’s why i am surrounded by such winners (we all support each other!).

Here’s to forming my own mini-hub someday! Cheers. And since I wrote this post some 10 months ago, not rewriting it but feeling this way today- I miss a cuddle 😦

Partner, Wife, Lover

These are just three of the things most women want to be to that someone special.

For a very long time, I resisted this thinking- I was always an “I, me, myself” girl and though I wanted a partner, I never thought of it as something I needed. However, as I go through life- climbing through glass ceilings, achieving things other only dream of, living experiences that I have always wanted to, I realise, there is something amazing, something awesome about sharing it with that someone special. Be it the simple magnificence of a beautiful waterfall or the joy of breaking through a glass ceiling or just an ordinary day at work… the idea of having someone to cuddle to is beautiful.

You know, for ages, I didn’t get this need, didn’t understand this want- I thought Sex & The City was a cop-out when they showed how the independent women ended up in relationships and now, I realise why it was so. For ages, I scoffed at other’s desire for that commitment and even though today I would love to have someone to share my life with, I am not keen to settle for anything but the best.

However, I do not understand why the need to have that partner cannot be intertwined with the need to have a successful career. I have an aunt- one of the top female executives in Asia, an entrepreneur, a go-getter- with an amazing family and though, there have been difficulties along the way, the way each one thinks, behaves and understands their role in this world is so beautiful that I am just so proud of them all! I recall, some 4 years ago, my team in one of the top consulting companies in the world and I were having breakfast and we were discussing one of the girl’s pregnancy, when I commented saying “Someday, I would love to be a stay-at-home mom” and everyone turned to look at me, jaws wide open, shock in the eyes. They didn’t think someone like me, always primly dressed in my suit, always perfectly coiffed hair, always calm in the craziest of situation, always driven, always ambitious could have such a simple wish. But just ‘cos I want to have the option of being a stay-at-home mother, it does not mean I want the option of giving up work! I would love a balance of the two- I mean, how is one meant to choose between my two babies?!

Yes, I admit I would love to get married, to have someone to come home to, to have someone make me soup when I have sniffles, to have someone turn to me for support, to have someone love me for who I am, to be a wife, a lover and a partner to that fantastic human being but why do I have to choose between a career that I love and a man that I love. My career understands my need to look after my personal life, so why can’t my personal life understand my career needs?! Why do I feel constantly pulled in two directions, why do I constantly get advised to give up my current position, my current lifestyle and focus more on getting the man I need to be with.

So world, please, let my life unfold the way it is meant to and let me enjoy the path I have chosen. Someday, I will have the life I dream of- with the man I call a husband, with a career I am proud of, with a kid I love, while living and traveling to the locations I want to explore, living the luxury I totally believe I deserve.

I know this is a very haphazard post but in my head, it makes sense!

Love to you, world.

The Meaning of Success

The past few days the idea of Success has really been playing around in my head. And I came across the 4Cs to Success from an individual’s perspective (Thank you Forbes magazine):

Clarity – Clarity of purpose and direction is fundamental to your career and life success. Success begins with a clear picture of how you define it, create a powerful mental image of your success.

Commitment – It’s simple. Success is all up to you, and me, and anyone else who wants it. We all have to commit to taking personal responsibility for our own success. I am the only one who can make me a success. You are the only one who can make you a success. Stuff happens, so choose to respond positively.

Confidence – If you believe in yourself and your success, you are likely find ways to make that belief come true. Surround yourself with positive people.

Competence – There are four key competencies that will help you become a career and life success:

1. You have to be able to create positive personal impact.
2. You have to be become an outstanding performer.
3. You have to be a dynamic communicator – in conversation, writing and presentations.
4. You have to build and maintain strong relationships with the people in your life.

From a business perspective, I truly believe that Customer Intimacy as mentioned previously too, is one of the key offerings any successful organisation needs to provide. I was highly impressed initially by the work done by an Indian travel agency– I needed to amend a ticket and they called me less than 24 hours after me sending them an email but they completely dropped the ball by not following up correctly. If they had proper systems within their organisation, they could have made a customer for life out of me and hence, my associates. Similarly, in my industry, the main advantage is not in Product Leadership but in our Operational Excellence- how quickly can I turn things around and have it done- the Customer Intimacy is the cherry on the top but it is also the things that clinches the final deal in my mind! So maybe from an organisational growth perspective, we need to ensure customers feel they got that extra mile!

And to get that organisational success, we need people with that inidividual drive and passion to form that high-performing team. And I think part of that comes from surrounding yourself with people who:

• think similarly to you, yet challenge your ideas and beliefs
• understand where you are coming from, yet bring a different perspective to the table
• feel the instinct in their gut, yet question the instinct in your gut
• do what needs to be done, yet know when it’s not the right thing and should have the conviction to correct you when you are doing something wrong

On that note, I was reading an article that said everyone is the average of the 5 people they spend most of their time with (I bloody rock then ‘cos the 5 people I spend most time with are bloody amazing!) and so does that mean that the ideal team should just be an extension of those 5 people or similar to those 5 people… I truly wonder…. One thing is for sure, never go against the values- self and organisational- the result is usually not too pretty.

And so I am off to the dreamland to quantify the meaning of success to myself.

The time of the week

for me to identify my top 3 of last week 🙂

• Juggling 5 men and seeing 3 of them last week! Even having a very important chat with 1 of them. Go me and my dating skills!!
• Running 3 times in the last week- wahay! Been forever since I managed to actually be regular in running.
• Juggling the different aspects of me in a day successfully, even if I was very tired at the end of it all.

All in all, a successful week- lots of time with friends, some kick-ass deliverables, walks, music, laughs and good times!

Happy last week of July!!