Bringing me back to earth

Today I was talking to one of my favourite people in the world- Calvin- he has been a part of my life for over a decade and even though we rarely get time to see each other, when we do, we really do catch up. It’s a funny friendship- few realise it’s depth yet the two of us care a lot for each other. He is one of the only two friends in my life that I would actually consider marrying.

So today, I was talking to him about some stuff in my life and taking his advice on a certain dilemma I am facing and catching up on his news, when I realised the last few months may have been the world’s way of bringing me back to earth.

Many people had advised me to sign paper work with Ryan before joining hands with him the last time and I scoffed at the very idea- I trusted him, and still do. However, I was definitely taken for a ride- in exactly the same manner my mum’s boyfriend had been 20 years ago- the similarities are so scary that the two of us were shaken to our very core.

I used to have a guard around me that I had built to not be hurt and I think being hurt by my best friend actually felt worse than being hurt by my father. At least with my best friend, I made the decision based on my own intuition and information and it was incorrect. I fought for him, I stood by him, I increased his profile in little ways, I built his empire and I am going in again and it seems, he unconsciously wants to f*ck me over again!

Will I ever learn my lesson? Ryan, will you please realise what you are doing and stop making me be the bad person in the whole thing?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH- just when I thought it was all over and was willing to close the chapter, it reopens and so does the wound and my self-doubt.

I am hoping this comes true!

Am I being really naive doing what I am doing?! Wish there was an easy answer. Every fibre in my gut says I am making the right decision but then again, it did that the last 15 months too…. Someone, Anyone, Angels, God, The Powers that Be- help me!

Thank you 🙂

Do I really believe in fate?

For many reasons- primarily just not getting enough sleep or time for myself, I felt like quitting everything I am doing and just heading in a completely opposite direction and I don’t mean doing something silly but maybe backpacking across the globe, travel photography or something that’s not quite as stressful, tiring and draining as the work  I am currently doing…

However, I logged on to check my mail and my best friend had sent me a forward, which in itself in unusual for her but it kinda fitted the mode I was in and even though, I am not one to usually share such “motivational” stories (they kinda remind me of ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ genre) but this time, I am making an exception.

When a man decided to quit..

One day the man decided to quit…
He quit his job, his relationship, his spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.
He went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
“God”, he said. “Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”
His answer surprised him…
“Look around”, God said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”
“Yes”, he replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo. God said.
“In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
“I would not quit.” God said. “Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…
But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”
God said to man. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots.”
“I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.” Don’t compare yourself to others ..”
God said. “The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern … Yet, they both make the forest beautiful”
Your time will come, “God said to him.” You will rise high! “How high should I rise?” he asked.
How high will the bamboo rise?” God asked in return.
“As high as it can?” he questioned.
“Yes.” God said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can.”
The man left the forest and brought this story.

So is this telepathy, intuition or fate? And what really is fate…?