Bringing me back to earth

Today I was talking to one of my favourite people in the world- Calvin- he has been a part of my life for over a decade and even though we rarely get time to see each other, when we do, we really do catch up. It’s a funny friendship- few realise it’s depth yet the two of us care a lot for each other. He is one of the only two friends in my life that I would actually consider marrying.

So today, I was talking to him about some stuff in my life and taking his advice on a certain dilemma I am facing and catching up on his news, when I realised the last few months may have been the world’s way of bringing me back to earth.

Many people had advised me to sign paper work with Ryan before joining hands with him the last time and I scoffed at the very idea- I trusted him, and still do. However, I was definitely taken for a ride- in exactly the same manner my mum’s boyfriend had been 20 years ago- the similarities are so scary that the two of us were shaken to our very core.

I used to have a guard around me that I had built to not be hurt and I think being hurt by my best friend actually felt worse than being hurt by my father. At least with my best friend, I made the decision based on my own intuition and information and it was incorrect. I fought for him, I stood by him, I increased his profile in little ways, I built his empire and I am going in again and it seems, he unconsciously wants to f*ck me over again!

Will I ever learn my lesson? Ryan, will you please realise what you are doing and stop making me be the bad person in the whole thing?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH- just when I thought it was all over and was willing to close the chapter, it reopens and so does the wound and my self-doubt.

I am hoping this comes true!

Am I being really naive doing what I am doing?! Wish there was an easy answer. Every fibre in my gut says I am making the right decision but then again, it did that the last 15 months too…. Someone, Anyone, Angels, God, The Powers that Be- help me!

Thank you 🙂