The other day, I was out for a few beers with TSG and at some point, I broke down (well, for me) and shared how scared I am about the lack of direction in my life. And even though, it’s not a case that I lack focus or I have too much free time, TSG got me thinking maybe it was more about WHO AM I.
Initially, I dismissed the idea- I mean, here I am, well known in the business community, recognised for my achievements, someone who has traveled alot, someone who has tried her hand at many things but what is it that I associate myself with.
Is it a photographer?! If so, why don’t I shoot more? And why am I no closer to making money from my holidays using my photographs as I had once planned?
Is it a businesswoman? And if so, am I happy with that? I mean, I love being one, albeit not a fantastic one (in my own eyes) but I feel it only captures one aspect of me and not me.
Is it a traveller? I haven’t been to a new place in a while, does this still count?! I am no longer as much on the move as I used to be!
Is it a friend? Isn’t everyone one? We all have our own definitions, yes but still.
Is it loyal? That’s more a characteristic of who I am than definition of who I am. Infact I recall the word I want on my epitaph is WHOLESOME- closest to capturing me but still not a noun to describe me.
I would love for it to be human, but that’s not it either!
Is it nationality?! Am I Indian or Irish? To some extent, this has been playing on my mind a lot recently so yes, this is a factor and a big one, to be honest- not so much for me but for how the society perceives it and how I react to it!
So WHO AM I?! And How do I find the answer to that?! Sigh- long meditation awaits me. Sigh!