Category Archives: Health

The Feel Better Factor

Over the years, I have come across loads of different types of people. Surprisingly 😉
There are usually ones I warm up to instantly, some I am a bit cagey about and some I can’t tell why I don’t like.

Often, in the ones I don’t like initially, there are a handful who change my mind about them but often, turns out my gut was right. These people have this amazing ability to eventually make you feel better about yourself, have fun with them, trust them and so on and as you start getting comfortable and changing your initial belief about them, BOOM.

They start saying comments that make them feel better about themselves. Now I, for one, am all about the self loving! I love me and I think everyone should love themselves. BUT it’s not doing you or anyone else any good if you can love yourself by putting others down. Their comments may be slightly snide only or they may be masked as advice but never have I come across any that are genuinely helpful.

Over the years, I have been trying to weed such people out of my life and surround myself with those full of love and gratitude, those who don’t compliment me when they don’t want to, those who only advice me when they can add value or when asked and those who genuinely wish me the best.

Down with the frenemies! I wish there was a way to eradicate that gene in every single human.

ego and soul

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Evil Energy

After ages today, I went for an energy healing session. It has been a very long time since I dipped my toe in this sort of a world.

During the energy, she asked me of the evil energy- so far in my life, I have only come across 3 times when I have felt it and it has been a VERY long time since I was aware of them so the question threw me off guard. I have really cleaned up my act in many ways and to find out that I was somehow still leaving myself exposed to someone else’s evil energy really shook me.

Here’s to clearing myself again but more so, ensuring I am guarded from the elements to avoid such a startling question again- fortunately, all the evil energy I had in my life is no longer a part of my life, despite the heart breaks that came with it. And now to keep it that way, inshallah!

I wish someday, we will all be rid of the evil energies around us.

 

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Guilt, Be gone!

A few years I made a decision. A decision to put myself first.
This cascaded into minute impacts all over the place- they started off tiny but they were huge.
Some of these impacts I have been feeling guilty about… and some of the consequences I am not happy about, but that’s life and I understand it.

The longer I live, the longer I analyse the decisions I made:
– Was I right to move countries?
– Should I have said no to certain ideas?
– Would I be better off back in the corporate world that I left?
– Have I made the ethical decisions?
– Did I ever break my own values?

And yes, I made mistakes. Who doesn’t?
And yes, I wasted time following certain thoughts.
And yes, I let myself be influenced by factors that shouldn’t have influenced me.
And yes, I got to the point that I am at today.

A point in my life, where I am with a wonderful partner, a fantastic set of friends (many that I have known since I was 3/4), an amazing family despite all our faults, a great experience, financially debt free, able to take the holidays I want and enjoy most of what I need and yet, I worry myself with guilt.

FFS, Guilt, be gone. I am a happy person focusing on the right things in life and it’s time, I said goodbye to all things toxic- the past 3 years of cleansing has been good and I feel I might actually be at the cusp of a new inner revelation.

I love life. Especially  on evenings after god-knows-how-many-months that I have actually managed to paint my nails and sit with them in the air while doing nothing else, guilt-free. Whoop!

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I looked back…

We all know I love a spot of introspection every so often! I know looking back is never a good idea but I think there’s a difference in looking back to learn and staying in the past.

So I had a moment of clarity a few days ago- you gotta thank relaxing in Monart for this- there’s something about sitting and chilling yourself to have those hallelujah moments- stillness is where it’s at. In 2012, I declared myself to be more about me and putting myself first and doing things that I want to do. I still believe that decision and I still love the fact that when we can balance the difference between putting ourselves first and being selfish, it’s the right attitude to have. I do believe that though I said it in 2012, it’s only now I truly believe it!

A good few years ago I was convinced I should walk away from a situation, to some extent I did but I wasn’t willing to let go. So I stayed on. Today, I look back and realise I was not giving myself the self-respect I deserved and needed. I knew I had a lot of supports around me but I stayed on because I couldn’t imagine the change I would have to undergo if I broke free.

Down the line, a friend of mine is in a similar position and I am advising her to break free and not make the mistake I did. And she is scared. It’s only human nature- that’s why I didn’t do it. I do wonder how much we hold ourselves back because we are scared!

mistakes-are-proof-that-you-are-trying

Here’s to me having learnt my lesson, realising my worth, standing up for myself and decloaking all the uselessness I used to carry. And here’s to everyone else taking that brave step forward.

Peace out x

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Eventually glass cracks!

Those in glass houses should not throw rocks- this was one of my English teachers’ favourite idioms.
She was so poetic about it, it went on to become one of my core beliefs and till date, I am anti-hypocrisy. I am sure there are times I have come across as one, people have misconstrued my intentions and thought so or whatever the case, I do know that I have tried to be as honest and unhypocritical (s that even a word?!) always.

One of the things I prided myself on as a kid was the ability to see things in the varying shades of grey- to me, no situation, no scenario, no truth, no fact was completely black and white. Ok maybe, some facts- especially the one stating every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I am hoping this gets combined with karma and it really is a case of whatever you sow, you shall reap because in my opinion and experience, those who do throw stones froma glasshouse eventually do see them shatter!

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A Downward Spiral…

I was in such a vortex about 3 years ago- 2012 was a terrible year for me in many ways.
There were some 3 people that hurt me with their actions deeply, a lot of words said that broke my confidence, factors that made me wonder about the viability of a lot of things and because each thing was upsetting me more than the last and each disappointment was coming on top of another, I was on a downward spiral.

Through a lot of introspection, a lot of logic, a lot of sense, a tiny group of trusted confidantes, a busy social life, I faked it till I pulled myself out of the spiral. Every so often, I see people in that place. Sometimes I try and speak to them, sometimes I stage an intervention and sometimes despite my saying anything, they choose to ignore it.

The worst bit is when I see a friend/ an acquaintance/ someone I know going through this and not realising it. What I often also see is people in that state is their negativity is so strong they aren’t open to hearing the truth- how do you go about this?! Any ideas, peeps?It’s sad to see a person find negativity in everything even if it’s not meant to be!

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Do it, do it, do it.

Yes, just dance!

dance to get people out of your wayNOW!!!

Trust me, it keeps you sane 🙂

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Only 10 mins a day…

Did you know that it takes only 10 mins a day of proper meditation to keep yourself healthy and on track?!

Amah-zing!

Whoever knew. I dunno if it’s the previous handwork paying off, if it’s just coincide or whatever but since I focused on making myself a better person and meditating more and more, I am in a much better place- more grounded, more relaxed, more at ease with myself, more aware of my friends, more giving and mostly, more successful.

Life rocks! Meditate people- it only needs to be 10 minutes a day- we can ALL take that out.

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Yoga does abs?!

So, I have grown up, knowing of Yoga for years and avoiding it as a child… it was too uncool and boring, really!
Oh how I wish I had more attention then….

Recently, I was reading an article on food and came across this collection of abs exercises (I dislike crunches a lot) and decided to flick through. As I was going through them, I relayed so many of them are yoga asanas!

No wonder a surya namaskar still packs a tougher punch than most exercises today and doing 108 of them a day will keep you fit physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Once again, a win for yoga!

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Onion or Garlic: HELP!!

For the longest period of my life, I have cooked garlic, then ginger and then onions- not knowing why.
Almost all the recipes suggest cooking onions first due to the burning point and garlic flavouring.

Anyone know what is chemically the right way and how they interact with our bodies?
I have been trying to find it in Ayurveda but since onion and garlic are actually avoided in the cooking there, I am unable to get a scientific response.

If anyone can help me, please mail me or comment here so I can get to the bottom of this!

Amadea Morningstar, Vasant Lad, Usha Lad- if you are reading this per chance, please, pretty please, help!

THANK YOU! xx

 

UPDATE:
Garlic should be fried first, ginger second, chillies third and onions last.
Most spices should be added once onions are a little soft but things like cumin, mustard, curry leaves and asafoetida should be pre garlic.

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Creative life!

 

accept being wrong

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Be sincere.

I learnt a very important lesson last week- be sincere. I had always known that but I was reminded it again.

I was coming up to a deadline and was talking to a friend of mine about it. She offered to help me and when I took her up on the offer, she automatically started making excuses or finding reasons to not.

I was surprised and shocked- to me, if you offer, it should be a compliment when someone accepts it.
Also, cos when I offer, I tend to mean it- I keep my mouth shut otherwise. For example, when people are moving into new places, I never offer help- I don’t like to but if someone asks and I can, I do help!

I know I shouldn’t take it personally, which I fortunately haven’t but it was a jolt and if you are reading this, I urge you to remember to BE SINCERE- there is a lot of good that comes from that 🙂

Define beauty

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Boo yeah!

You know the crash after the high??
It’s usually horrible.
But what if it never comes? What if one has genuinely figured a way to just stay at an even keel that even the crash may cause you to be tired but you still feel a sense of calm and contentment?
I have reached that space- mental or whatever, I have. I dunno what this is called, I have no clue how I got here and scarily, I have no clue how to maintain this!!!!!!!

For now, I am gonna enjoy this feeling of pure satisfaction.

F*ck me, I love my life.

change perspective

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Who we are…

I think this has been advice I have heeded the last while and weirdly, I think I have become healthier and with much better skin too! Maybe we need to realise who we are defines how we look.

becoming older

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Getting rid of the negative…

Here’s a great set of questions I came across about getting rid of all that is in your way and your success:

– Do things not always work out for you?

– Do you get blocked or sabotaged when reaching towards a goal? Identify any patterns from the past.

– When was the last time you were upset? Why?

– Do you experience the same challenges over and over?

– Do the same things create an emotional rise for you?

I am looking forward to identifying where I stop myself- every few months I repeat such exercises and I have noticed some fairly strong patterns emerging which have then helped me distance myself from things I don’t necessarily agree with- people, habits, thoughts, words. Next stop, reducing my cursing!

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Need!

Yesterday, I talked of want.

Today, I NEED this- not for anything else, but to enjoy a moment of solitude, a moment of bliss and a moment of some introspection before the city goes insane with christmas!

Screen Shot 2014-11-20 at 13.02.16

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Meditate…

For those who slag me for my love of meditation….

meditation… see, see, see!

Love.

 

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Date with Self

Today, I cancelled on various different plans. Plans so I could spend some time with ME.

I was feeling cranky, a little tired and just in need to some TLC- I had a long bath, cooked myself a lovely salmon meal and finally indulged in Nutella with Butlers Hot Chocolate followed by a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s.

Sometimes, it’s got be done.

Here’s to having had 3 days with myself this week- what an amazing feeling! 🙂

you are amazing

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Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!

If you just imagined the scene from the diner in ‘When Harry Met Sally’, you are on the right track!

Love yourself.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/12/41-ways-to-make-love-to-yourself-marybeth-bonfiglio/

If you don’t, why would someone else? Yup, others have said it, others will say it and it’s true- go on, be kind to that body!

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Models & Systems

Today, I was listening to a talk given by a friend’s friend on creating your own world and bubble and he stressed on 2 aspects: Models and Systems of living.

My notes below- doubt they make sense to anyone else!

Models for living:

Create your own
Make your own beliefs
Find a way you believe yourself and not something defined by others!

Systems for living:

Gratitude
Re-living the good moments at night
Meditation
Lucid dreaming- exposes you to new aspects
Consciousness Engineering
Envisioning method

Focus on your understanding and beliefs on Abundance, Relationship, Health

I suggest signing up with http://www.MindValley.com to understand this aspect more.

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Clearing the random stuff off the laptop…

Homemade wax for hair removal!

homemade waxAffirmations

affirmations

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An inner beauty

 

1795722_10152276976663545_1297373271_n

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Beauty Treatments

For the past few days, I have been trying to read up on oatmeal for the skin and have been opened to amazing new remedies and masks.

Here’s one which has 10 amazing ideas– even though I don’t have acne, I love the idea of basil toner, imagine a little cucumber juice, rose water and apple cider vinegar mixed in.

Also, I never knew how amazing cinnamon really is- I tend to use it alot in my cooking/ baking and for tea but rarely in a air mask!

Amazing stuff in our kitchens, I tell thee- go pamper yourself for cheap!

Also, beauty comes from being healthy so if you have excess weight to lose, here’s some non-dieting tips:

weight loss tips

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Healthy evil!

So, this started off with me wanting to bake something, coming across a few recipes and combining them to make my own.

I used:

1 courgette
1 banana
1 carrot
1 apple
(all grated)
.25 cup honey
2 tbsp nutella
1 egg
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp vanilla extract
1.5 cups oats
.5 cup chopped chocolate

All mixed in well together, baked for a good 40-50 mins at 180 degree Celsius.

And it worked! It tasted good but it was a wee bit soft and there were too many flavours to enjoy any one but they all mixed well together.

Here’s a few ideas to make it different:

1. Add 2 tbsp more nutella, remove the egg, add .5 cup more oats2. Add more carrots, no nutella, no honey

I am really keen to try option 2 myself- someday, I shall have to make it now!

Apparently I can make a frosting using avocado whipped with cocoa powder to top it all, if I so wish!

Screen Shot 2014-01-10 at 17.43.42

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Sapiosexual

Didn’t even know this word existed but I suspect most of my friends are it!

Screen shot 2013-10-24 at 11.00.10I definitely am- it’s the only thing common in all the men I have really dated- they are all amazingly intelligent 🙂

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Pleasure is VERY important…

Came across this today and so totally agree:

Screen shot 2013-10-07 at 14.54.57Life is ALL about the pleasure!

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Beautiful People…

We can all be beautiful…

beautiful people… all we have to do is SMILE.

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If only we all communicate clearly…

All of world’s problems simply come down to miscommunication, I have discovered.

If India & Pakistan could understand each other’s wishes & needs, we may not be at war.
If Northern Ireland could have itself understood, it would not be so confused.
If 2 people who had fallen out actually spoke & understood each other’s perspectives, there may be no need to fall out.
If an employer and an employee heard each other’s concerns, there may be loyalty in the workplace.
If any 2 parties basically communicated, communicated such that they were understood, such that the other party still felt respected, still felt understood and still felt a winner, we would ALL be in a much happier world… and there in lies the answer to world peace.

Miscommunication and misunderstandings are the reason why we keep getting into the evil spiral we do. Simple as. See I told you, I is wise 😉

There we go- my 2 cents worth for the day!

Do all you loveSo if we come from a place of love and do everything with love, especially communicate, we may, just may be able to eradicate our issues… wishful thinking!

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An old random exercise advise to self…

Screen shot 2012-02-27 at 16.37.50

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May 27, 2013 · 2:20 am

Ability & Trust

Since I am now in a forgiving and loving mood!

ability & trust

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All about the Money

We all know I like some of the advice Denise gives- the other day I was reading her new book Get Rich, Lucky Bitch and her first advice was to write all the things about money that I remember since I was a kid.

This post is a rant- a ramble and probably makes no sense to anyone else but I just want to get it out of me and so here goes:

– I always remember not having enough- we were always hand to mouth it seemed
– I remember being given cash by my grandparents and being told to not spend on it on frivolous items
– I remember dad walking away with everything- money, jewellery, the effing rent too
– I remember not having enough to get an auto home when hurt
– I remember not having enough to have a drink with everyone
– I remember using money to impress people
– I remember stealing the money from my mum to impress people
– I remember asking people to pool in to buy the petrol for my car in college
– I remember feeling screwed by a certain business partner when he didn’t give me the agreed profit share
– I remember feeling screwed by a certain business partner when he didn’t buy out the agreed equity share
– I remember feeling screwed by a certain business partner when he started a business that was our idea and I was supposed to get a certain equity share that I didnt
– I remember feeling angry at the world for me not being able to buy the stuff I felt I deserved
– I remember always feeling like I was the poor cousin
– I remember always being compared to others
– I remember feeling angry when I went on holidays with a mate and he didn’t pay his share
– I remember feeling ashamed when my father made me walk away from a shop with a jumper we hadn’t paid for
– I remember feeling horrified that my brothers only hung out with me because I always had the money to buy us stuff
– I remember the days of kebabs and cakes I paid for
– I remember not drinking on nights out to save money
– I remember the days I used to sneak out at lunch to buy chocolates and call my then boyfriend
– I remember realising that some friends always take and don’t give as much
– I don’t like sharing a house so as to save money
– I don’t like not having enough to go on all the holidays I want to
– I don’t like not having a steady enough income to make me feel I can dip into my savings for a holiday
– I remember feeling ashamed about the fac that I don’t come from as much money as certain boys I have dated
– I disliked the way TL used to behave about money
– I dislike the way TL always expected me to pay
– I dislike the way certain guy is always very money aware despite the fact that he comes from money
– I dislike how my family always compare my success and achievements to money
– I absolutely ABHOR the way I have been made to feel guilty for all my travel and money I have spent on it- yes I know it cost me 2 properties/ apartments in India- so what?!
– I hated writing the cheque I wrote this week for something I don’t believe in
– I hate the way a certain sister in law made it seem she did me a monetary favour by working for my company
– I hate the fact that it causes my mother so much worry
– I hate the attitude certain members of my family have towards family
– I know I have been disowned by one side of the family but that is MY right- I don’t want it and it p!sses me off
– I dislike that I try to save on my budget every month and then don’t use the money to treat myself
–  I dislike that I feel guilty when I do treat myself
– I dislike it when I spend time worrying about money, even when I know I am on a decent salary
– I dislike wasting money
– I hate people who don’t value money
– I am angry at myself for not achieving my dreams
– I am frustrated I am not close to my dream house yet
– I am scared I will be working forever
– I hate my father for instilling me with a sense of insecurity
– I dislike that boys dumped me because my family didn’t flash enough diamonds
– I dislike that I cannot buy the diamond ring I want for myself
– I hate claiming something is not what it is
– I hate feeling guilty when I buy a pair of shoes I need just cos they are designer
– I hate feeling I have to justify every spend
– I hate not eating to save money to be able to go out (even though I have enough money!)
– I hate feeling I don’t have enough even when I do
– I hate always feeling I don’t have enough

I forgive you all. I love you all. Go in peace.

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From now on, things I would like to do

I am reading a fab book called 59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman recently- if you haven’t come across it, you are missing out. I stumbled on it thanks to his other work that I absolutely adore- The Luck Factor.

I would like to be able to do what he tells me to- not for anything else, but because it takes a minute a day and it makes me happier- how much more of a win could it be?!

Mondays:
3 things I am grateful for in my life.

Tuesdays:
Imagine myself back in the moment of an excellent experience, a wonderful experience- re live it.

Wednesdays:
Imagine the future, what I want and feel the peace and contentment it brings me.

Thursdays:
A letter to someone to let them know why I love them and why they mean so much to me.

Fridays:
3 things that went really well for me.

Does this remind anyone else of the Weekly Achievements I used to write back in 2010?! I am hoping I will stick to this for the next while.

bird gets an idea to fly

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A random act of kindness

Last year, I tried an experiment– many of you emailed me about it- I was overwhelmed as to how many people it reached.

This year, I am gonna urge you to watch this video. Remember, what goes around comes around- it’s karma.

BeIf we want to be the sort of people who are surrounded by other kind people, by other considerate people, by other fabulous people, we need to become one ourselves.

So peeps, stay awesome!

Much love, kindness and happiness to all.

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Good rules to live by

So last night I was out celebrating life with a lot of my friends. As we all know, my life has been very blessed, surrounded with some amazing people but even then, I have made some big mistakes- mistakes that have taught me valuable lessons!

I wish I had known of these rules in the past:

7 rules of life

(even though I do suspect I may not have appreciated these rules before I went through the experiences I have!)

So, please, peeps, do pay some heed to them- even if it’s only to a few!

Happy Life!

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We want what we cannot get!

The grass is always greener on the other side. Usually because they use a lot of chemicals!

We all want something grander, something bigger, something more ludicrous, something more than our friends, our colleagues, our siblings and forget in the meantime, that life is about us, yes, us. Why do we let the society influence what we want?!

I am not saying I have not fallen for it- I have fallen for it more often than not… I have considered relationships with other people ‘cos others thought it would make sense, I have broken relationships with other people ‘cos I was told they weren’t worthy of me. I have pushed myself further than I needed to only ‘cos I didn’t want my single parenthood to be reason to have not succeeded, I have expected more of myself just to never feel smaller than the other person. All in all, I have often let others define my importance to self.

And the older and wiser I grow (yeah, I went there), the more I see how silly it was, the more secure I become in myself and the more I realise I am who I am. I am lucky to be the person I am. I am happy being the person I am. I am happy being me.

I sincerely wish everyone, yes everyone bar no one, feels this amazing feeling someday- because we are all perfect, just the way we are.

I like who I am becoming

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So… women get more emotional post sex

This is a well known fact- it is tougher for us women to just have sex and not get emotional about it- not impossible, mind you- some people have perfected the art but not all of us have… and a friend of mine put it beautifully in perspective today….

When a man and a woman get together, a woman lets something get into the very soul of her body- in touches her darkest spot in her body, it shows trust, it depicts acceptance, it depicts a sense of unity. Whereas for a man, he is getting out of his body- he is not connected to his emotion at all. For him, it’s just an act. It is only over a matter of time, through his emotions that this act starts meaning more.

When put like that, is it a wonder that we are so careful about letting someone in?!

love

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Captured in a cartoon

This is MY life- defined to the tee- I couldn’t have put it better, if I tried!

Happy & No Direction = Right Life

So So So So So So So True!

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3 am…

 

Dear 3 am

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Our Insecurites Drive Us

This weekend was very interesting from an observational perspective for me… it is amazing how our insecurities drive all of us- I could see them in almost everyone, now I know some of the gang better than the rest and I suppose, because of the amount of time I discussed psychology this weekend, it was playing on my mind so much more.

I could see some of my actions, some of Red’s, some of Tigger’s, some of Ryan’s and some of the other people… and it got me wondering as to how can such intelligent people feel the way we do and act the way we do and what needs to be done to make it all better…
Is it because we don’t trust our instincts as much any more?
Is it because the society is so much more open and we all know what is happening and they are usually non-pretty srtories?
Is it because relationships have become more materialistic and we have grown with that?
Is it because we all believe in keeping up the masks/ appearances a lot more?
Is it because we are concerned about what others think, even if we don’t think so?
Is it because we are scared of taking the leap of faith?

leap of faith is the only transportation

On a different note though, it was a great weekend and despite my dilemma, I am glad I went with it- it was a fun filled weekend with lots of laughs and good memories!

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Still falling

But this time, it’s a different type of fall.

I feel I am falling- falling into a deep abyss, falling fast and falling somewhere so dark that I can’t even see it and I am falling without there even being a possibility of a safety net and forget the very notion of harnesses.

I don’t know why I feel  this way.I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know how to deal with this sensation.
I don’t know when this started and I certainly have no clue when this will end.
I don’t know who can help me here either but The Shrew & TSG have been pulled in as back-ups, as has Diva.

This kinda reminds me of the conversation I had with Moo a few days ago and I still feel clueless, answerless and none the wiser.

The only consolation is this time I am asking for help- in the past, I tried to fix myself.

dont worry, be happy

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You don’t lose your value

A very good lesson here:

you don't lose value

WE ARE WHO WE ARE!

Earlier today, I was assaulted with doubts about certain decisions in my life and the way I treat myself.

Yesterday, Ryan and I closed the last of our businesses together- so in a matter of 8 weeks, we will be down to just being friends and nothing more- no more business partners. After 6 years of constantly having had each other on speed dial and constant businesses discussions, I am not sure how that will work for us but I am sure we will find our new equilibrium. As I was walking away from that meeting, I thanked my lucky stars to have him as a friend. And I still stand by that. However, one person made a very valid point to me- she was talking to a few of Red’s friends on Saturday and they were stating their not-so-nice opinions about Ryan. And she told me how she thought he was so lucky to have me defend him and stand by his side. A valuable lesson again- I was not valuing myself here and was only considering how lucky I am.

We need to remember, every relationship is two way! And both of us are valuable- never forget that 🙂

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Who Am I?!

The other day, I was out for a few beers with TSG and at some point, I broke down (well, for me) and shared how scared I am about the lack of direction in my life. And even though, it’s not a case that I lack focus or I have too much free time, TSG got me thinking maybe it was more about WHO AM I.

Initially, I dismissed the idea- I mean, here I am, well known in the business community, recognised for my achievements, someone who has traveled alot, someone who has tried her hand at many things but what is it that I associate myself with.

Is it a photographer?! If so, why don’t I shoot more? And why am I no closer to making money from my holidays using my photographs as I had once planned?

Is it a businesswoman? And if so, am I happy with that? I mean, I love being one, albeit not a fantastic one (in my own eyes) but I feel it only captures one aspect of me and not me.

Is it a traveller? I haven’t been to a new place in a while, does this still count?! I am no longer as much on the move as I used to be!

Is it a friend? Isn’t everyone one? We all have our own definitions, yes but still.

Is it loyal? That’s more a characteristic of who I am than definition of who I am. Infact I recall the word I want on my epitaph is WHOLESOME- closest to capturing me but still not a noun to describe me.

I would love for it to be human, but that’s not it either!

Is it nationality?! Am I Indian or Irish? To some extent, this has been playing on my mind a lot recently so yes, this is a factor and a big one, to be honest- not so much for me but for how the society perceives it and how I react to it!

So WHO AM I?! And How do I find the answer to that?! Sigh- long meditation awaits me. Sigh!

make peace with self

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Understanding a little more about Fear…

face your fear fear is an obstacle fear

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Do NOT forget

humility

Just wanted to remind you all. Have a fab day 🙂

And then I came across this post by Denise and well- had to share this too 😉 Go on, forgive and move on!

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Shiny, Soft hair!

Yeah baby, tonight I go to bed with nice, soft, shiny hair! So why the difference?!
‘Cos I used a hair mask- a home made DIY one and it is fabulous.

For shiny hair, apparently, this is what one needs:
– Honey
– Apple cider vinegar
– Almond Oil

For de-frizzing:
– Banana
– Egg
– Beer
– Honey

So I made my own concoction of:
– Beer (flat)
– Banana (ripe)
– Egg
– Apple cider vinegar
– Olive oil
– HoneyRubbed it on for about 15 mins while in bath and washed in out- looks amazingly shiny and feels awesomely soft!

Few things to remember though:
– Do NOT use too often- ultimately hair gets used to this and it doesn’t impact as well
– Hair does retain a slight smell despite shampooing so use product or whatever if needs be
– If egg is not washed off properly and a dryer is used, you may cook the egg
– Ensure you wash everything out properly- nothing worse than raw egg or raw banana in hair!!

Go on, pamper yourself- cheap, cheerful and absolutely fantastic!

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Positive Intention

I totally agree with this status a friend just posted on facebook!

Screen shot 2013-01-23 at 16.44.01

Let someone know they are loved and cared for x

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Our face tells us what’s wrong with us….

Looking at ourselves!

So why do we not see the obvious and prefer to spend loads on doctors etc?

Basically, I need to look after my thyroid and intestines is what I am taking away from it all…
(added in thyroid to see if you were actually reading ;))

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What’s Your Insecurity?!

We are ALL insecure- about something. Be it in business, in our professional lives, in our careers, in our relationships with our family, in our relationships in love, in our friendships, in our sport or whatever it may be. And yes, I am insecure too- I am insecure in some of my friendships, I am insecure in my ability to do certain things, I am insecure in my future, I am insecure in my relationships with my brothers and bar once, I have always been in secure in a romantic relationship (this confession has been tough but hey, tis true).

I usually don’t inflict my insecurities on anyone else, or so I believe. The other day, I was a victim of a friend’s insecurity and despite recognising it as that immediately, I still got VERY angry, I still was VERY peeved and I was spitting fire at that person for almost 48 hours (fortunately in my head and not in person)!! Now that’s completely stupid and insane, especially since I knew exactly where it was coming from. It got me thinking:

– Do we recognise our own insecurities?
– How do we manage our insecurities?
– Does anyone have any ideas how to get over one’s own and how best to deal with those of their own friends?

We all want to be accepted as we are but who knows the real us when we are always trying to cover up our insecurities?! Everyone knows an aspect of us and that’s it- have we gotten so used to wearing a mask constantly that no one and no one, including ourselves (I fear/ suspect) knows who the TRUE US is?!!
Scary, scary thought, thinks me.

On a fun note though- I totally adore this pic!

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Some interesting introspective lessons!

Today was a moment of realisation sort of a day for me:

1. Chivalry is not dead- I was in a diplomatic office today and as a lady, got a seat offered to and help from another gentleman. Neither asked for number or anything else- they did it out of respect and out of consideration for the fair sex.

2. My life is a lot more in movies, than not- Cocktail (the Hindi one) came close in some instances. It made me realise I still have no clue how to show my true self to the world- I still come across confident and authoritative, no matter how soft I may be inside. And it made me realise people are not to be trusted as much as I would have liked to believe.

3. Maybe it is time for new friends- I love my current ones but tonight, I holed myself up and cried. Cried tears while chatting to a fourteen year old ‘cos I didn’t know who else to talk to- this 14 yo is dead and immatue- I am caught in  my own whirlwind of emotions and feel I cannot turn to anyone. I also realised the anger I feel towards certain people in my life- in their throwaway comments, in their selfish focus, in their insecurities and in their constant need to tell me “I look great/ I did something great etc”- a true friend would break down that barrier and make me spill my gut out- warts and all.

4. In attempts to follow my dreams, I have practically given away 3 apartments in India or 1 nice 2 bed apartment in city centre Dublin- given away, in full, no  mortgage, no nothing- practically handed it on silver platter to the world and all its glory- with NO clue where or how I am going to make it all back again.

5. I am scared. I am excited but I am scared- I just need to take the jump- this time, I canNOT back out- I need to leap, I have come too far and I need to do it alone. I have a very exciting journey- extremely challenging, unpredictable and scary (yup, repetitive, I know) but I am scared.

6. I am beginning to wonder about my capacity to love- I never had any trouble finding a man, keeping him charmed, getting him under a spell to marry me or declare undying love. For the last 4 years since I returned my ring, I have had little luck- I have met some amazing people, I have shared laughs with many, kissed a few, been intimate wit fewer still but not one has managed to keep me interested and not once have I tried to charm anyone. Is it cos I feel I am going to be on my own forever? Is it cos I have grown up and don’t play ANY games at all (even one of being a charming lady)? Is it that I have no faith in the fairytale notion?

7. I am keeping up with the Joneses- not materialistically, not physically, not emotionally but outwardly- to all, I am a rock, I am confident, I am a success whereas inside I am tired, cynical, as much in need of some support as anyone else.

8. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am tired. I need TLC. I need rest. I need pampering. I need love. I need a dream in my head that I cannot articulate and I just, miraculously, want it to appear.

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Filed under Dating, Friends, Gender, Health, Movies, My Day

Fear of Dependance

All my adult life, I have had a fear of not being independent, of depending on someone else and of not having complete control over my life.

I grew up thinking I could depend on certain people but my father (the biological dude, I mean) taught me I couldn’t. I took that to be gospel and built my life around myself and my bubble so it couldn’t be penetrated and I couldn’t be hurt.

However, everyone in my life asked me to bring down my barriers, let myself be free, let myself live, let myself depend. And slowly, I started- SL, Ryan, Winnie, mum, everyone around me- all of them pushed me to learn to trust, learn to depend and to understand that life is about communication and interdependence.

Slowly, I started opening up, sharing with my friends and turning to them, realising it was easier to trust again and open up and depend on others. But every time, and I mean, every single time, I seem to realise that there is a fine balance between dependence, interdependence and independence and I realise I am happiest in the latter- I know the status quo there but I realise I am not as strong anymore and I need some interdependence- lately I dream of falling, of falling and being caught- I want that trust, I want that support, I crave it.

So, how many people can you be you with?! Right now, I don’t know any 😥 Ok, that’s a lie- Daddy Long Legs, Freud both have taught me that but still… I feel alone, I feel lonely, I feel tired and I am scared. There, I said it- I am scared.

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