A few years I made a decision. A decision to put myself first.
This cascaded into minute impacts all over the place- they started off tiny but they were huge.
Some of these impacts I have been feeling guilty about… and some of the consequences I am not happy about, but that’s life and I understand it.
The longer I live, the longer I analyse the decisions I made:
– Was I right to move countries?
– Should I have said no to certain ideas?
– Would I be better off back in the corporate world that I left?
– Have I made the ethical decisions?
– Did I ever break my own values?
And yes, I made mistakes. Who doesn’t?
And yes, I wasted time following certain thoughts.
And yes, I let myself be influenced by factors that shouldn’t have influenced me.
And yes, I got to the point that I am at today.
A point in my life, where I am with a wonderful partner, a fantastic set of friends (many that I have known since I was 3/4), an amazing family despite all our faults, a great experience, financially debt free, able to take the holidays I want and enjoy most of what I need and yet, I worry myself with guilt.
FFS, Guilt, be gone. I am a happy person focusing on the right things in life and it’s time, I said goodbye to all things toxic- the past 3 years of cleansing has been good and I feel I might actually be at the cusp of a new inner revelation.
I love life. Especially on evenings after god-knows-how-many-months that I have actually managed to paint my nails and sit with them in the air while doing nothing else, guilt-free. Whoop!