To go or Not to go


I have never been this caught between a head and heart situation. And it’s not a case that both are just fighting one corner- individually, they have different pros and cons. And I am confused!

As we all know, about 5 weeks, Red and I got together. That night, the bunch of us discussed the possibility of going away for the weekend. Well, the weekend is upon us.

Do I want to go? Yes, says the heart. No, says the head.

So heart
YES: Time with Red and his mates and some of my mates, a good way to know about the future for sure
NO: Odd one out- it’s a bunch of lads and their girlfriends- I am neither, shyness- yup- very true- I am shy, especially when it involves dating and especially when I know Red is the sort of guy who will not be all coupley/ mushy or not want to have the craic- infact, I can be assured he will almost be the last one to bed- which brings to me- are we assuming I am sharing a bed with him?!

And head
YES: A weekend away with a guy I want to try & explore a future with- go for it, A great way to meet new people and get to know Red’s friends
NO: ‘Does he really want you there?!’ ‘How can you be sure?’ (And I know it sounds silly but it is kinda going back to the whole arguement of I am neither girlfriend nor lad- how will I behave, especially with no wing woman- Tigger & Ryan are both gonna be too insular to care about me :/), It is not the best time of the month for me to be away, I hate driving alone and other such excuses that I can easily make up!

So basically, I have 4 lists and neither is winning. I dislike this confusion. Why oh why can I not decide?!

Is it a case that it stems from the fact I am actually a lot more smitten by this one than I have been for a VERY long time (read TL), a part of me is willing to get hurt but a part of me is not willing to get out of my comfort zone… If only he hadn’t been away the past 10 days, it would have been easier…

be brave

UPDATE: Mar 15, 1:16 am

The plan is to try & meet him tomorrow (later today) and I think that will be the deciding factor- how I feel when I see him will give me the answer I am looking for, I suspect. I will know how much my heart really wants it and I will know how much he wants me there. If he has included in emails and mentioned it so many times, he is obviously keen, I suppose. So basically, ball is now in his court and I don’t even have a racket to throw a shot, even if I so want to!

UPDATE: Mar 16, 2:03 am

Met him for lunch today, walked out still confused- I like him, does he like me sorta feeling… but then again, he is a tough one to read. Bloody Scorpion men! And decided if I am meant to be free falling, this weekend would be the perfect way to figure it out… so here’s me checking out for the weekend- have a blast. And oh- does this count as 1 date or 3 dates?!

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