I have never been this caught between a head and heart situation. And it’s not a case that both are just fighting one corner- individually, they have different pros and cons. And I am confused!
As we all know, about 5 weeks, Red and I got together. That night, the bunch of us discussed the possibility of going away for the weekend. Well, the weekend is upon us.
Do I want to go? Yes, says the heart. No, says the head.
YES: Time with Red and his mates and some of my mates, a good way to know about the future for sure
NO: Odd one out- it’s a bunch of lads and their girlfriends- I am neither, shyness- yup- very true- I am shy, especially when it involves dating and especially when I know Red is the sort of guy who will not be all coupley/ mushy or not want to have the craic- infact, I can be assured he will almost be the last one to bed- which brings to me- are we assuming I am sharing a bed with him?!
YES: A weekend away with a guy I want to try & explore a future with- go for it, A great way to meet new people and get to know Red’s friends
NO: ‘Does he really want you there?!’ ‘How can you be sure?’ (And I know it sounds silly but it is kinda going back to the whole arguement of I am neither girlfriend nor lad- how will I behave, especially with no wing woman- Tigger & Ryan are both gonna be too insular to care about me :/), It is not the best time of the month for me to be away, I hate driving alone and other such excuses that I can easily make up!
So basically, I have 4 lists and neither is winning. I dislike this confusion. Why oh why can I not decide?!
Is it a case that it stems from the fact I am actually a lot more smitten by this one than I have been for a VERY long time (read TL), a part of me is willing to get hurt but a part of me is not willing to get out of my comfort zone… If only he hadn’t been away the past 10 days, it would have been easier…
UPDATE: Mar 15, 1:16 am
The plan is to try & meet him tomorrow (later today) and I think that will be the deciding factor- how I feel when I see him will give me the answer I am looking for, I suspect. I will know how much my heart really wants it and I will know how much he wants me there. If he has included in emails and mentioned it so many times, he is obviously keen, I suppose. So basically, ball is now in his court and I don’t even have a racket to throw a shot, even if I so want to!
UPDATE: Mar 16, 2:03 am
Met him for lunch today, walked out still confused- I like him, does he like me sorta feeling… but then again, he is a tough one to read. Bloody Scorpion men! And decided if I am meant to be free falling, this weekend would be the perfect way to figure it out… so here’s me checking out for the weekend- have a blast. And oh- does this count as 1 date or 3 dates?!