You know last night, I was out with some friends and we were talking about what romance means to us, what really grabs us and what keeps us in a relationship. It was interesting to realise (yet again) how it takes on a different meaning to each one of us!
Over the last while, Chammiya and I have been hanging out a lot and I have gotten to know her well- and since, had to change my initial thoughts- she is still trying too hard at times, I think- and she is very much a homebody and the simple person that I had suspected initially but with a very intelligent brain. And since she and I are so close- I have had the opportunity to see her relationship with her husband- 2 people you wouldn’t put together- both appear very different on surface and have a different type of depth in them- she comes across very open minded and unconventional but deep down is a lot more traditional whereas he comes across simple and boring but has an inner strength unseen by most with a sense of adventure (albeit in a traditional sense- he is likely to follow the tried and tested rather than forge his own way). Initially I wondered why they were together but I have seen in them, a relationship that is strong and mutually affectionate and full of caring and happiness. They work well because they are so different. To me, that makes sense in many ways yet I can’t see myself in a relationship like that!
There were many other relationships discussed, many other types of romance thrashed and I realised I am much like the lady Lindsey Kelk wrote about in Marie Claire (The Girl Can’t Help It, Apr 2012)- I am the one whose toes curl when a guy calls her ‘smart’. ‘intelligent’ especially if the ‘beautiful’, ‘pretty’ bit is not so high on the list. I am the one who thinks a guy who makes me laugh wins over a guy who buys me nice dinners. I am the one who likes to break the norms and make a relationship work in the best way possible for two people- whether it’s getting coffee at 11pm in each other’s gaff or a walk in the pier at midnight or a hike in the wee mornings because things are so busy to find time in the traditional day. I am the one who gets goosebumps when a guy earns my admiration and respect by doing something amazing in his life, just ‘cos rather than to impress me or anyone else.
Ultimately, romance to me is about those intellectual conversations, those silly laughs and basically a fabulous time together. It’s the kind of relationship where the two people in it find each other their kind of perfect.
Romance and relationship are 2 different things though, hopefully, the romance/ the fun/ the courtship leading to a stronger relationship and I think it’s when the partners can understand each other’s emotions and pain, especially when they are trying to hide it- in all honesty, to me, that’s not just in a romantic relationship but all the ones that are truly meaningful.
A similar discussion had come up between Roark and me when we were trying to figure out why neither of us was dating anyone at the moment (obviously not counting each other- which is well, over now) and we both realised we were happier being single than being in a relationship for the sake of it and the picture below just seems so apt for it!
The optimist in me knows that someday my childhood love is likely to come my way (again) and I am gonna find someone whose idea of romance matches mine, but in the meantime, I am loving life and the experiments it is sending my way!
PS Apologies, once again, I started with one idea and ending up going in many different tangents