Kick the towel!

I don’t want to throw in the towel or kick the bucket but the last few days have certainly made me want to do that….

The last few days have made me question life, especially my own- do I really want to be in the situation I am in? do I really want to be doing what I am doing? do I want to live in India or Ireland? do I know how to get the answers to my questions?

Unfortunately, when I am down and out- I am unable to focus on making the right decisions, or thinking rationally… I feel so let down by the Irish medical team, again. I feel so alone when I feel I can’t call anyone to bring me some food. I feel so alone when I can’t get a hug to help me sleep when I can’t sleep. I feel so silly for these feelings that I wouldn’t be feeling if I wasn’t on these pills!

There is so much to my life- so much going for me, yet all I can focus on is the negative- the downside of being away from my family the past few weeks, the downside of not having a job and the social interaction, the downside of everything, knowing full well that if most people had half the amount of stuff I have going on in my life right now, they would be on top of the world- have I really made life so much tougher to enjoy for myself?!

Do I need to change myself? If so, exactly what, how and by when?


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