For some morbid reason, against all will, I am lying in bed and wondering what would happen if tomorrow doesn’t go my way…
And you know my main regrets are: I haven’t hugged my mother in almost 9 months, haven’t spoken to any of my brothers in months (and potentially wouldn’t for a while), I never did manage a holiday with my baby sister- just us two, some cocktails, some fun, lots of chats, tonnes of laughs, innumerable memories and I have not been totally honest about everything to one of the most important people of my life (never lied either but still…)
And you know what my happiest thoughts are: I am glad I never got married, glad I have experienced love and passion, glad I traveled as much as I did, ate all the good food I did, drank all the champagne and not-champagne alcohol, wrote for an Indian daily, took photographs for the Vogue, started companies, sold companies, got taken for a ride, knew my biological father, had the choice of choosing my “step”father(s), moved to Ireland, left the previous role when I did in December, moved back to Dublin (twice) and mostly for the family I grew up with and family I created in my circle of friends.
I know I am totally over-reacting. I know things are not this bad but you know what, sometimes imagining the absolute worst makes the reality a lot easier to deal with.
I am especially happy for the TRUE friends I have discovered- these are my pillars- and yes, I know Ryan & Winnie are who they are and I call ‘everyone’ my “best friend” but the truth really is- I am genuinely lucky to have an amazingly brilliant circle!
On this positive note, I am going to go to bed- hopefully, still with the smile. And here’s hoping, when I wake up tomorrow, the smile is bigger and wider and less nervous of what lies ahead.