A part of me IS definitely a guy! I absolute dislike/ hate/ abhor playing games!
And even though a part of me has taken a knock right now- I know I was a second class citizen in paradise and am trying to be a queen in a world I don’t want (Plan B may need to be activated a lot quicker than I had realised!), I know I am a happier person and making the right decision for my soul.
Spent an hour talking to a girl I used to manage in the previous role and it made me cry- it hurt. She was SO unhappy, she felt she wanted to leave and move on and she knew the only reason she was staying was convenience and financial and not ‘cos she loved it- she identified the 3 people she really disliked, she blamed the big boss and she blamed me for leaving. She told me things that have worked out practically exactly the way I expected them to, she told me incidents that made my blood boil, she told me how unhappy the environment was and I felt terrible. But a part of me is happy- happy to see the dude I worked with struggle, happy to see him want to discuss a few things with me, happy to see the organisation having problems, happy the old team still come to me to discuss their ideas and options, happy to know that I made the best decision for me. (Told you, I love the game of business and I am a lot like a guy!)
Personally, I feel terrible- it’s sad that one person’s leaving can affect the office so badly, sad to realise that people have been allowed to grow their egos so much that they don’t feel the need to perform, sad to see that a guy with so much potential is making such silly mistakes, sad to know I have to be a spectator with the perfect ringside seats and may never get a chance to get in and referee it again.
The past week has taken a knock on my system- on one hand, there have been some massive positives- some amazing friends, some amazing moments, some amazing realisations and on the other, some very upsetting downsides- some things that have really knocked my faith in myself, some things that have really made me rethink a lot of things again and I am once again realising that the road ahead is still very trying. Thank God 2012 is gonna be awesome!