Was it a mistake?!

The other day, I was out with another Indian friend of mine- smart cookie, pretty enough- even though she needs lessons on how to really carry herself and she tries too hard but either way, a lovely girl.

She is a few years older than me, married, has a gorgeous little daughter and works in a well-recognised outfit in Ireland. She seems to have played the cards well- she married a guy who is well below her intellect, who jumps to her every bidding and adores the ground she walks on. She had a daughter before the family pressure got too much. And now, she goes out “for work” about 4 times a week (we work 5 days in Ireland), parties most Fridays and Saturdays and all usually without her husband. We know who wears the trousers in that relationship.

Sometimes I wonder if I should SETTLE for that? Maybe if I had married TL, that would have been life- he would have been happy to have me on his arm when he needed and I could have had all the fun on the side. But to me, that IS so wrong. That’s not he way I define happiness but she seems happy and content with her life and doesn’t have the added pressures she has to deal with.

Today, while talking to one of my best mates, we were discussing his marriage, my engagement, our lives and all that we have been through in the past few years and sometimes I wonder, were the choices I made a mistake?!

Are the choices I am making now a mistake?!
How do you really know what would have the life like had you made the other choice?
How do you know when you have made the right choice?

For me, it’s the fact I can stare at myself in the mirror and know it was the right decision at the time. I hope I never have to shy from my own gaze ‘cos in the end, nothing else matters.



Filed under Ramblings

8 responses to “Was it a mistake?!

  1. Cori Anson

    My opinion is that any decision that one makes, while it may be undesirable or unprofitable at the time, if they can recover from their decision then it is not a mistake. I unfortunately have lived long enough to know that I have made the worse mistake that I will ever make in life and I can’t recover from it.

    From what little I know about you, the word settle is not a part of your vocabulary or lifestyle. It fits right up there with compromise. As a person who thrives on success and happiness, you will feel cheated if you don’t have either at 100%. To obtain the things that others have and not be ‘completely’ satisfied with them is a compromise that will put you back in the position of asking if you did the right thing.

    This is not to say that you would not have made it work but if it didn’t give you the ‘100’ that you prefer verses the ’80’ that passes then I do believe you would continue to try to get the other ’20’ that you would make you feel deprived. There is always one absolute to life that you have already asked: How do you really know what would have the life like had you made the other choice?

    Of course this is based on my assumption of your ‘care abouts’ and what I have learned about you in a very short time.

    • Thanks a million for your words and feedback.

      Is there ever a decision we can’t fix? I mean, every situation has options, we take some wrong turns and get further lost but eventually, it has to work out, right?

      No, I don’t like to settle but maybe there are some merits in it- maybe if I only focused on the 80%, I could actually be happier… I dunno… just random thoughts- as I said, at the end of the day, being able to look myself in the mirror and smile- that’s how I know I have done the right thing but then again, what if (hypothetically), there is a day I can’t look myself in the eye- what then- how can I avoid that?!

      And so I ramble on in a vicious circle in my head trying to figure it all out…

      • Cori Anson

        I know for myself there is a decision that cannot be fixed unless I had a time machine. I have made mistakes that I wish I didn’t make but I can move on from them and not dwell on them. But for this one, ….

        When you are ready to accept that things can’t be 100% then you can focus on the 80% and add the 20% curve that says it is good enough. Right now, I am certain you are a special one who will not accept that 80 = 100 and thus won’t and can’t settle.

        Make sense?

      • It does make sense, yes, but is my “specialness” causing me more hassle in life than it’s worth?! What if I forced myself to- is the pain worth it??

        I keep oscillating between the different options but I really just need to make a call and stick with it!

  2. H H

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  3. FBV

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