So have I done the right thing or not… I will never know… but tonight, the Rower and I decided to part ways. There were many reasons for it but the primary one being the ambition in me, the drive in me, the need in me to do what I want to do.
He found it difficult to understand how important my work in and how much pride I take in what I do.
His ‘S’ness is no match for my ‘N’ness.
Last night, I was thinking whether I wanted to give this a shot. Today, when I got into the car, I was 80% sure, I was gonna make a decision one way or another by the end of the fortnight and the opportunity presented itself today. I know I have hurt him. I know I am hurting. But both Tigger and I agree it was the right thing to do.
I am glad I had Rower’s support over the last few weeks. I am glad I met him. I am glad I was smitten once again- it had been ages since I was courted. I am glad we parted on a note where we will still be friends.
But, there is a part of me that wonders if there is a guy out there strong enough to be with me. The one I know can’t admit to being in love with me and yes, that was part of the reason I made the decision I did (I am a romantic fool) but that was not a deciding factor and either way, what I did needed to be done.
Onwards and Upwards, or so they say.
I am tender, world- emotionally, physically, spiritually- my aura has too many holes, I need some healing, I need some loving, I need to go back to being me- strong and vulnerable in equal doses.