I am tired.

Very tired- emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally. If I have left any other out, throw that in too. Back in March, I promised to love myself more and I truly haven’t been doing it… 😦

I have gotten some massages, some pampering done. I have cut out a lot of junk but not all. I meditate a wee bit more but then going from 0, that’s not tough! However, I haven’t made ALL the changes I wanted to.

Weirdly, when I first started meditating, I was told that there would be days when the negativity is coming out of my system and I will feel worse- maybe that’s why I went through the cocktail of emotions that was yesterday. It was a heady cocktail, but even ranting online did not do the trick for me, I ended up ranting to Candy earlier today and felt really bad afterwards, it felt a bit like b!tching even though I know I wasn’t doing that- it just came out without any menace to it.

But I realise, I have reached my breaking point, I moved to Laois exactly 52 weeks= 364 days. Initially, I had looked forward to it but I realise being this far away from civilisation, this far away from fun times, this far away from my friends is no way to live- it’s called surviving, it’s called existing but it certainly ain’t living.

And to live, I need energy and I am SOOOOOOOOO looking forward to my weekend of me- Mrs F may meet me at some stage, I might do some work, I might get a few things sorted that have been on the long finger but this weekend is all about relaxing, reading, watching mindless telly (Ok, so not so mindless telly- still addicted to 30 Rock) and sleeping- I need a lot of sleep. May get a hike in at some stage, if I can but all in all, it’s all about me. And though I do feel the slight twinge of guilt, I have to thank ALL my other friends who have pushed me to this decision- I am really looking forward to my day away and getting pampered.

I am so tired that I feel and look worse than a zombie but I am looking forward to feeling this fatigue work its way out of the system, looking forward to some nice meals and some amazing me time (a 20 hour meditation! woohoo)


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