Men’s Jewels

Some interesting facts I learnt in a recent Cosmo about men and their best friends- the real one, his family jewels- and for the uninitiated, I am not referring to the diamonds and sapphires here!

• They get 11 erections a day!
• They provide self-relief 8 times a week.
• Men use their manhood to measure their masculinity. So apparently, size does matter, but mainly to them.
• “A pen!s can ruin your morals and cloud your judgement. He’s my best friend and my worst enemy.”- words by a man on his manhood. (I can totally relate to these- I have seen many men do things they normally wouldn’t do or approve of, just to get lucky in the sack- and despite all I have heard and read, I can’t reconcile myself to this fact)
• Like a woman’s anatomy, no two are the same- size, shape, inclination, etc- everything is unique to every man.
• Unlike women, men never discuss what’s normal and so build up a lot of insecurities.
• One can buy padded underwear to make your pelvic area look more well-endowed than it is! (And we women thought only we could put those chicken fillets to use, eh?! ;))
• More men enquire about pen!s enlargement surgery than women do about breast enlargement! (Now this came as a surprise to me, a BIG surprise)
• The average erect pen!s is 6.5 inches (and the average vag!na is 3 inches)
• Some common nicknames for their man hood are: Beef soldier, giggle stick, cucumber of love, Cyclops, Cupid’s arrow

Rock Bottom

What defines hitting rock bottom?!

• Is it when you feel lonely despite being surrounded by a million people?
• Is it when you feel no one understands you?
• Is it when you know there are at least 5 people who would wanna date you but you wanna date someone else?
• Is it when you feel your role in life these days is that of a 3rd wheel to everyone else- whether they are single or coupled up!
• Is it when you have a lot of friends but no one to hug, forget cuddle?
• Is it when no one cares to hear your answer when they ask “How are you?”
• Is it when your relationship with your housemate is very robotic- you go through the motions and that’s it- the laughter and fun is gone?
• Is it when you work your a$$ off and get no recognition or credit (yeah I know being at the top is lonely)?
• Is it when you have everything materialistically one could need but feel emotionally devoid?
• Is it when you realise that even that loser you laughed at in school is happier than you (yeah I did have a mean streak)?
• Is it when you feel you can’t let go of a memory from when you were 12?
• Is it when you feel you deserve so much better but it all seems so far away?

None of these are 100% accurate for where I am, yet I am not sure why I feel I have hit rock bottom?!

If the angel cards are anything to go by, then I have something beautiful to look forward to- I have the Angel of Talents shining upon me. I know there is hope but I am not sure if my last post and this are me trying to tell the world I am positive or trying to convince myself the need to be.

Cried for 3 hours, and I don’t know why- I feel numb, very numb. I feel angry, very angry. I feel sad, very sad. I feel dejected, very dejected. I feel hurt, very hurt.

Sometimes, I just need to feel the love- through touch- be in a squeeze of hand, a hug or a cuddle. I know there is ample of love in my life- trust me, most people would give an arm and leg to have as much love as I do, yet sometimes, one needs it in more ways than it manifests itself in.

PS The good thing about hitting rock bottom, one really can’t go any lower. Simple.

Loving myself.

You know, the other day I came across an interesting blogpost written by a friend of another fellow Indo-Irish. My friend thinks this lady is quite something- and that’s saying something since she hasn’t seen Denise in almost a decade.

This same friend introduced me to a beautiful Indian actress– well, not literally, even though apparently she does know her but she downplays it so I really don’t know but, I was introduced to her in a movie called Monsoon Wedding. Today, I saw her support another real cool Indian actress who has a certain panache in yet another movie that seems to capture my life- Turning 30.

Things over the past few days have made me question a few aspects of my own life:

• Why do I feel I have entitled to get upset about Ryan’s women? Well, simple- I care about him, I care about him not as business partner, not as a colleague, not as a housemate but mostly as a friend- a best friend who always hated (and still does hate) seeing people waste their potential. I have always found this to be the biggest issue with anyone and the fact that my own best friends, one of those people who I have on a pedestal because they are such amazingly, awesome people and when they completely waste this awesomeness, I feel sad. And so, yes, when Ryan manages to sniff out yet another manipulative b!tch (he has a knack, trust me on it), it upsets me, not just because of the fact he is wasting his potential and time but because of who he becomes around them.
• Tigger is happily in love and it makes me really happy. She is a tough cookie but like me, she has a very soft interior. And like me, she is high maintenance but the thing is we are high maintenance on ourselves- we have high standards, yes but we maintain our needs ourselves- it’s not like we need loves to complete us, we need it to further enrich our brilliant lives.
• Spartacus, Crystal and Winnie are busy leading the busiest lives but they are so happy and excited about everything that it is very infectious and I love it that they are satisfied.
• My moment of realising some home-truths about me- I have VERY high standards and I am my own worst critic so even though this is my year, I am still notfulfiling my own emotional needs and so I have decided:
  • I am going to pamper myself more- going to a spa for a 3 hour long session tomorrow- to be repeated as and when my soul needs it
  • I am not going to eat better- not always healthier and not always a diet of chocolate but what works (moderately) for my soul
  • I am going to meditate more often- because when I do meditate, I feel better and when I feel better, my soul feels better

So basically, the year about me is becoming a little clearer- it is as Denise said, about self love. I live in a fantastic house, I drive a fabulous car (I am in love with her, did I mention), I work in a great organisation, I have the most amazing friends to surround me, I am a part of a bl**dy brilliant family and I am not having any moments that make me want to change my life- all in all, it is pretty brilliant but there is a part of me that’s feeling unfulfilled- that keeps going back to the past- to my parents, to that b@stard who called himself my teacher, to the things that for some reason that hold me back. I need to get back that feeling of contentment that is my mojo.

I know there is a future, I know things are going to work out the way I want, I mean I have managed 2 of my 3 goals I discussed with Dr. F 7 years ago! I also know it’s the final one that will actually make things a lot better but I also know I have to bide my time and wait for it to come.

Such drama- maybe a publisher will come to me as they did to Gul Panag and ask me to write a book too- after all, I am almost 30!

Things have changed for me, the past few years have been tumultous, I have been trying to deal with my broken relationships, with juggling many men at the same time, with putting on a smile on my face when I don’t want to. Maybe it is time for me to start over because risky as it is, it also is exciting- it allows for a new beginning.

Time to go shopping so? 😉 maybe my soul needs it hehhe- oooh, I can see me using my soul’s needs for SO many things because after all, 2011 is the year about me and my soul.